Masochists in Maine
by vigallmon
Summary: The twisted world that Edward lives in is altered when he meets Bella.*Hardcore Vampire Scenes* M for plot, lemons, torture, killing, blood drinking, drugs, violence, and everyting else that would make it def an M rating. Cannon pairings. AU
1. Leave Me on my Cross

Leave me on my Cross

**Stephanie Meyer's owns all the Twilight Characters**

**A/N: There are three points of view in this story. We begin with APOV & EPOV. BPOV will come soon. Heads up that this entire story is going to be non-fluff... There will be some sweet moments but outside of them, it's going to be rip roaring odd.**

**The Wendigo Psychosis is an actual myth (I have my degree in Anthropology and it amazed me). I have taken this psychosis and altered it to fit into the vampire realm. Please refer to information on the psychosis for an accurate description.**

**APOV**

I was on the floor. It was a berber carpet and I knew I was going to have rug burns all over. I didn't care. The pain was incredible as my elbows rubbed against the little nubs of carpet. I could feel the skin slightly shredding but ignored it. It would regenerate in a few minutes.

Edward was behind me, thrusting and grunting like a wild boar. I was so turned on just hearing his grunts. There's nothing better than a great fuck before dinner.

I knew that I was making meowing noises. I didn't mean to be making them but it was the only sound that would escape me.

There was something carnal to our fucking tonight. We'd been dating for a few weeks and hadn't had sex yet. Well, sex like this.

Sure he'd eaten me out and I blew him but this was a new level and I was liking it.

"Are you fucking close Alice?"

Yeah, I was fucking close.

Close to turning around and riding him cow girl style. Jesus this guy could make me cum. I hoped that this would be the first of several rounds tonight. I hadn't dated anyone like him.

I saw him a few months ago. I knew that I was going to be with him but I didn't anticipate how much I was going to like being with him.

Taking his fangs he sank them into my shoulder blade and pulled my hair, "Answer me. Are you fucking close?"

That's it Edward, bite me, pull my hair, ride me hard and demand me to speak.

My words came out in jarring spurts, "Yes, I'm, fucking, coming, right, the, fuck, now."

"Good because I'm about to explode in your pussy."

Fuck yes, keep on talking to me like that Edward and I'll come over and again.

The force of his finale thrust sent me face forward onto the carpet and it felt awesome.

Collapsing on top of me his sweaty chest was stuck to my back. I didn't want to move. I'm sure my nose had rug burn to match my elbows and knees. Kissing my neck, "Fuck Alice."

I know, right? Hell yeah fuck.

"Alice? Are you downstairs?"

Damn, it was my sister. She's such an interfering twat. I should have seen her coming home but no, I always miss the important visions.

Pulling off my back Edward hurriedly began dressing.

"I'll be up in a minute."

"Emmett just got home. Carlisle and Esme are preparing dinner. Hurry up, were all hungry."

Edward met my family. They were happy that he came into our life considering my recent breakup. Jasper and I had been together for years. He couldn't handle the lifestyle anymore and went off to "find himself".

I know that he's somewhere in the west. Last I checked he was roaming around Arizona.

Slipping my bra on I saw Edward watching me and his cock was growing again. I smirked and wanted it now. Later Alice, you can have his fine ass later.

"Are you staying for dinner?"

"You don't think your family will mind if I'm here again?"

"No way. They don't mind that your here. They'd rather you ate with us then alone."

"I don't want to wear out my welcome."

"Get over it Edward. They like you. Well, everyone but Rosalie but it's rare for her to like anyone. She's having an identity crisis like Jasper did."

"I'll never understand that crisis."

"Me the fuck either."

Taking his unbuttoned shirt I pulled him into a deep kiss. His tongue was my new poison. I loved how it darted into my mouth. I loved how everything about him darted all over me. Pressing himself against me I felt his dick that I was falling in love with. I took my hand and grabbed it through his jeans. "I want more of this later."

Grabbing my ass, "And I want this later."

I smiled against his neck. I hated the marks on his neck. Whoever changed him was a fucking jerk to leave marks like that. It's a good thing it's cold here for at least half of the year. He could wear turtle necks.

"Have you put more thought into our conversation last night?"

"I don't know Alice. I can't see myself sticking around."

"It's a nice life Edward. You should try it at least once."

"Don't you get attached to the humans? Isn't it harder to leave? That's why I prefer being nomadic."

"I don't want to loose you just yet and I'm not willing to leave my family."

Buttoning his shirt I watched his perfect chest and abs disappear behind the flannel, "They aren't your real family."

"No shit. I still like being around them."

"I've only been her a few weeks and I'm already bored with this life. Why don't you travel with me for a few months? We can always visit."

"Given my gift, you know the one where I can see the future, I hate being on the move. It makes life confusing. Why do you like it? Since you read minds doesn't it bother you? The constant chatter from all the minds? If you stayed in one place you'd learn all the voices in your head and be able to block it better. I was with you at the mall last week. It was like you were having a embolism with all the noise you heard."

"It's easier. No ties, no worries. Getting to know people, that's the trigger to make me hate this life."

I rolled my eyes and thickly said, "Your so brooding."

Emmett's voice boomed down the stairs, "Come on you two! Get the hell up here so we can eat!"

Bitting Edward's lower lip I smacked his ass, "I guess we'll talk about this later but I'm telling you that I see you staying here, at least for a few months."

"If you see it then it must be so. I don't want to leave your blow jobs yet."

"No dirty talk over the table Mr."

"No problem, I'll just imagine what I'm going to do to you tonight. You'll see it, I'll read your mind and smirk across the table."

"We are going to make the family nauseous with our behavior."

"Your family is happy I came along to take your mind off that loser. How did you stay with a sissy that long?"

"He wasn't like that at first. The change happened a few months ago and there was no going back for him."

"Whatever, all I know is that I'm overjoyed I stumbled into this corner of the world."

"I am too."

Dropping his hands from my ass he took my hand and we started up the stairs. What a trip this has been. Talk about healing in record time for a vampire breakup.

Generally when we met the "one" we stay with them for years and years. Carlisle and Esme have been together since he changed her. Rosalie and Emmett have been together for a long ass time too. I didn't think there would ever be a divide between me and Jasper but that fatal day came and then he went.

When I saw that a rogue vampire was coming to town I braced the rest of the family for the presence. Rogue's always fuck up our perfect disguise.

It's not their fault, they just don't know our rules that we have in place. We like to live at least six or so years in one town and then move on. This time we choose Portland, Maine.

The hunting isn't the best and we decided that we'd only stick around for four years. We are just under one year calling this home.

I saw Edward running through the forest in a vision. He was heading from Canada. I met him in the woods and we've been together ever since. He didn't want to enroll in college like Emmett, myself and Rosalie. He didn't want to blend in with the humans. He's ruff around the edges from living on the outskirts of human society for so long.

He's also not used to having others to rely upon.

All in time, I kept on remind myself, one adjusts to this life in time.

Carlisle worked for the FBI and constantly requested transfers. He's on some task force to watch drug trafficking over the Canadian border.

Esme does whatever she wants from town to town. This time she's into baking so she works at a local pie shop. I thought it was bizarre that she wanted to work at a pie shop. It's not like she enjoys pastries but whatever, Esme always does what Esme wants.

I was enrolled in the Maine College of Art and both Emmett and Rosalie were in Law School. Every place we went I enrolled into an art school and they enrolled in law school.

In my human life I loved to draw. I died and was brought back to life when I was twenty-one.

Emmett was around twenty-three and so was Rosalie. We can't go to high-school, we can't get jobs (well we could but not anything of importance or interest with our ages), so we are perpetually stuck in college. At least each town we made home had different programs to explore in college.

Edward didn't seem interested at all in the facade or going to school. He's a smart fucker too, I don't know why he's so resistant. If he gave our life a try...

"Thanks for joining us Alice and Edward, can please eat now?"

Emmett, grrr, he pissed me off with his crying about being hungry. He didn't like to share and took special trips out of town to eat.

We headed to the dining room and the older man was strapped to the table and gagged so we didn't have to hear his whinny cries. Humans pissed me off more than Jasper leaving and Emmett never being full.

We took our place at the table and Carlisle said grace. He and Esme believed it was the only respectful thing to do for our foods soul.

"Dear spirits that this meal may or may not believe in, please take his soul into your realm and give peace to the torture that we are about to cast up him."

We all rose our eyes to the section of the body that was ours to plunder.

Emmett loved to do the countdown because he feared that he wouldn't get enough.

"One, two, three, go!"

At the same time all of us attacked the live human. Since there are only 5-6 litters of blood in a human and there are six of us, we all drank at the same time to insure everyone was properly fed. Emmett was ecstatic when Jasper left because that meant he could have more each night. When Edward arrived he begrudged him but they've been working on their relationship.

Edward is never hungry. Half the time I don't even think he gets half a litter. We only eat three times a week. It's more than enough to sustain the body since we all share but it doesn't help the hunger.

That's the control part we all work on but not Edward. For being a rogue vampire he didn't kill constantly like most of nomads. Before I became a part of the family I ran through the forests and killed each night. Anyone that crossed my path was fair game.

I vaguely remember the notion of humanity but it's been so long since I have cared about the prey.

From the corner of my eye I saw Edward lift his head. His canine teeth were stupendous. They were saber like while eating and retracted enough back into his mouth to compliment his charming smile.

I was a lucky bitch to have him with me.

I saw him staying for some time but I'm not sure why. I know it wasn't me. Neither of us felt emotions for the other. Sure there was the kindred vampire connection but it wasn't an immediate lightning bolt like it was with Jasper.

I was talking to Rosalie the other night about what I was feeling.

"How do you expect yourself to love him? You and Jasper were together for how long?"

"Oh, around one-hundred years give or take a few years."

"He left you Alice. He said that he's outgrown the lifestyle. That's not something that you get over by blowing the new vampire in town."

"I know."

"Then what's your hang up with Edward? Since you don't have the spark, it's not going to be love unless it grows."

"Who said I wanted to be in love again?"

Shaking her head at me she snagged a squirrel that was running on the back porch. Ripping it's head off she drank the rodent like a beer. She was odd. Humans were her favorite but like Emmett, she was always thirsty. She would quench it with an occasional animal. Emmett on the other hand would never drink an animal and always bitched that Rosalie had bad breathe when she did.

"If you don't want to be in love then why are you moaning to me about Edward?"

"I don't know. I'm surprised that I see him staying in town. He's adamant about not wanting to enroll in college. I suppose he could get a job but where and doing what? He'd have to work night shift only for fear that he'd be exposed in the sun."

Our luminous skin were like mirrors in the sun. They reflected whatever was before us.

"Maybe he has an alternate agenda."

"Like what?"

"How the fuck should I know? Aren't you the one that sees the future?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I should see what binds him to stay but I don't. I'm chocking it up to the lonely life of roaming."

"I never want to go back to being alone. Sleeping in the dirt, scouring for some lame ass human to wonder by, hoping that the weakness wouldn't set into my bones and render me catchable."

We all knew that there were those that hunted our kind. It's was originally brought Carlisle to the FBI force. He wanted to know if the rumors that the government studied the supernatural world were truth. It's his goal to find out if they are using vampires, zombies and all other kinds of non-human human shaped beings for military programs. He's spent countless hours researching and attempting to be in the good graces of the department.

It's true that we're lucky. "We gotta admit that we have the good life when it comes to being vampires. We never have to worry about being alone and not having the support if we fall into harms way. Plus with our group hunting and sharing we never are concerned about starvation."

"Hell yeah sister. Preach it to me. Now, going back to Edward, you better focus that little mind of yours and find out why he's here. He hasn't gone loco, right?"

It's a curse we all worry about. Some vamps loose their mind from the lack of community and fear of starvation.

The fear of starvation is ridiculous but we all have it. I guess it's a natural instinct to be concerned about not having food but some vampires take the fear to far.

There is a similar fear in the human mind; the Wendigo mythology.

In the myth of the Wendigo a human beings could turn into a Wendigo if they ever became desperate enough for cannibalism. A human would become evil and obsessed with eating human flesh. The transformation into a Wendigo happened if a person had resorted to cannibalism over the fear of famine.

Among northern Algonquian cultures, cannibalism, even to save one's own life, was viewed as a serious taboo just like it was to vampires. The proper response to famine was suicide or to let yourself starve.

Being near Quebec where some Algonquian cultures live, it's resurfaced our fear about the Wendigo in vampires.

When it happens to a vampire they become cannibalistic to their own kind but unlike the human they refuse to think about starvation or suicide instead of dying. They go postal and kill whatever vampire they can because they think it will save the vitality of their life.

The only solution for a vampire with a Wendigo possession is to kill the vampire.

"No. I don't see and Wendigo psychosis occurring."

"Thank all the undead! We don't need that shit."

"No, we don't."

Snapping back to present, I finished my finale drink. Edward's eyebrows were creased with anger. Did he read my thoughts about the Wendigo?

Emmett spoke, "That old porker was good but you all know so I don't have to say it..."

Esme sighed, "Your still hungry. Go hunting in New Hampshire. You haven't visited there in a few weeks."

"Wanna join Rosalie?"

"No Emmett."

"Anyone? Come on! I love to hunt with another person."

No one responded.

"Well fuck you all too! I don't wanna pull a Jasper but this house is getting lame."

Rosalie grabbed his arm with her claw like nails, "Don't joke you inconsiderate ass."

Shooting me a glance, "Hey, sorry Alice."

I knew he was sincere, "It's alright Emmett. I know that you don't mean harm."

His grin was large as he sprinted towards the door, "See all of you satiated vamps in a few hours."

I grabbed Edward's hand and lead him to my bedroom. He'd been crashing there since he joined our small family.

"What should we do tonight Edward?"

"It's been several years since I was able to attend a live performance. There is a band playing at a local bar. I haven't been packed like a sardine with humans. If I am going to attend the art collage with you I should begin the process of reintroduction to control."

His smile didn't touch his eyes.

"Why are you doing this Edward?"

Dropping the smile he replied in a deep voice, "I have no fucking clue."

**EPOV:**

Alice was cute. I didn't do cute. I didn't like cute. I didn't fuck cute and here I was in her families home.

Most vamps have no skill set but killing. She was a psychic. I was perplexed with her gift. I didn't meet many who possessed any capability but smelling, finding, drinking, and killing humans.

I told her about my ability to read minds. I never shared my secret because it kept me immune from becoming attached.

Alone for one-hundred and nine years I didn't mesh with her family. Yet, something made me yearn to be with these interesting vampires.

They masqueraded like humans. It was perpetual halloween in their house of horrors and I loved every masochistic moment.

Wanting to test my limits I decided to stay with the family. Alice was pressuring me to join their ranks and walk amongst the humans.

Did I have the control to maintain my composure? Yes, I had ridden on public transportation, taken a cab, slept in a hotel, and shopped in a store. I didn't do this daily, maybe monthly.

Vampires are everywhere and most dwell in the woods. So many of my kind have lost touch with anything human.

They sleep under the leaves and attack humans that pass them. They don't actively seek to be around the species.

I was in between the two worlds.

I walked on the city streets not knowing where I was going. I slept in the leaves when all else failed. I drank hikers and hookers alike.

The meals I had with this family were the heartiest I had in years. From my understanding it was Carlisle that brought home dinner on most nights. He and Esme would find the human.

I respected that the humans they drank were not upstanding members of society. It was explained to me by Carlisle.

"You see Edward, we don't want to kill a father or a mother. We don't want to harm a mayor or a priest. For all the good in humanity there is an equal amount of horror. Sometimes, I want to believe that we were created to destroy the darker side of humanity. Like a virus, we can't be contained and spread more and more each year. It's the philosophy of my family. Please understand that it doesn't mean we wont kill the mayor, priest, mother or father. If the need is there we will kill anyone."

"Your lifestyle is unique. I've traveled practically alone for years and have never came in contact with a family of vampires. Not only are you a family but you strive to only kill the malice of human society."

"Will you join us?" I could see the fatherly look on his face. I hadn't have anyone care about me in almost seventy years. That was the last time I stayed with one vampire and I stayed with her for too long.

"I will think about it."

"Alice seems smitten with you."

"She's a wonderful woman."

"That she is."

"I fear that she want's more than I can provide her."

"Don't fool yourself. Alice want's what she can get and sees the rest in the her minds eye."

The other aspect that I liked about Carlisle's family was that none of them lied. I wasn't sure if Alice had told them about my powers but I never heard a lie.

I did hear the misspoken words of Rosalie. If she was not being aggressively bitchy it's because she was shrouding her true feelings about a situation. That's not say she was lying, quite the contrary, she merely was not expressing the depth of her... disdain.

Being with Alice was releasing. The occasional fuck in the woods was all I had in years. The vampire was usually crass and not gratifying. Unshaven, not showered, and reeking of coagulated blood, the moments were brief, never pleasant.

Still, I didn't want Alice. I liked her body, her personality, and what she had done for me but I didn't want her.

I heard her thoughts and knew that she was aware we were just fucking. There were no emotions besides the cordial kind of friendship.

She was pleased with my sexuality. I was overjoyed she was shaven, and showered. Thinking about her bare pussy made my cold cock rise with anticipation of more fucking tonight.

I told her I wanted to go see a concert. She agreed but under one condition; if at any moment I was loosing control we would leave.

She didn't want the local bar to turn into the movie Carrie, but all human blood.

I understood. If I started to drain the humans she would join. Even in New Hampshire Emmett would probably smell the death and gleefully come running for his share.

She questioned my change of heart.

I didn't answer her.

She didn't push me although I heard it in her mind.

At the bar I was glad that it wasn't crowded. We were in the most populated city in the state.

"I'm sure it's because it's Wednesday that the place isn't full. Good night to want to see a show."

Her happiness was almost contagious. I smiled at her but heard the disappointment that it never traveled to my eyes.

How odd. Why would it? Did she think that I was optimistic about being able to herd myself with the human masses?

Why yes she did. Not in those terms per-say but she did think that I would enjoy the charade. Perhaps she was right.

I told her I wanted to attend the art college that she did. I knew that she painted and drew beautiful pictures of her visions. It was her coping mechanism.

Being a student of all and a master of nothing I decided to focus on the piano. I played during my human years. I played some after my transformation and was more capable of understanding the harmonies interchanges of the keys. Melodies were always in my mind without a pen or paper to write them upon.

Therapeutic, the word danced in my mind. Yes, this could be therapeutic for me to try this lifestyle for a few months.

I could always leave as Jasper had.

When Alice thought of Jasper I became winded. She was lying to herself. Trying her hardest to justify his departure she believed that it was her. She thought that he not only tired of the life but of her.

She wanted to fill her void of him with me. She was trying and failing. I was glad about this. It wasn't right for me to stay here if she was going to feel more than sexual gratification and friendship towards me.

I was incapable of loving. I knew this from my human years. It didn't change when I did. If I could read my own thoughts like others I wouldn't wind up in the mess I did all those years ago.

I guess in vampire years I was a teenager. Like dogs, our life span is measured in different terms. I may be over one-hundred vampire years but in human years I'm somewhere in my twenties.

Or that's how I view my maturity level.

The band began playing. They were pleasant. It wasn't heavy and thumping like I had desired. It was more folk-like. Mellow.

We sat in the corner of the bar. Alice tried her hardest not to watch me.

"Don't be pissed if you read my mind and I'm thinking that you are about to snap and turn this bar into a meat factory."

Smirking at her, "Never Alice. It's not your fault I can hear what you think. I'm thinking the exact same thing. What a great opportunity to glutton myself."

I heard the fear run through her mind, "I'm joking Alice. You'd see me acting in that manner before I could stand from the bar stool."

"True."

Measuring my face her eyes rested on my lips. Her mind went elsewhere.

"Agh, my little vampire vixen. You sexual appetite is like Emmett's for blood..."

She leaned over the table and took my bottom lip, "So what blood sucker?"

Teasing her I slipped my tongue into her mouth, "Is that all I know how to suck?"

"Watch it Edward, I may drag you around back behind a dumpster."

"I wouldn't stop you."

"We'll explore those options later. You wanted to see a band. Here we are."

The melodies were clashing with the harmonies intentionally to create a dazed atmosphere to the music. I closed my eyes and breathed through my mouth. The less I breathed through my nose, the less I could feel the clenching in my throat to attack the table in front of me.

They were younger girls, in the early twenties, and smelled of fabricated scents. Vanilla, freesia, spices, and chemical. All which made me want to gage. I hated the fake scents that humans draped their skin under.

It was almost a repellant, almost.

The singer of the band spoke into the microphone, "We have a special vocalist tonight. Those who know me know this woman. You also know that she can fucking sing a mean tune. This song is called, Leave Me on My Cross. Everyone give it up for Bella!"

The girls of front of us were the only one cheering like they were at a large venue concert.

I kept my eyes closed as I sipped on the beer. For appearance sake we would drink in front of humans.

Rarely did we eat. The food tasted like pasty mush but we could if we had too. Drinking on the other hand still effected most of us. I had to have at least twenty beers but I could still obtain a buzz.

Pissing wasn't pleasant. It burned like a venereal disease. Drinking blood we didn't have bodily functions like humans. I'm not sure of the science but it absorbs into our bodies, fueling us.

Human items of consumption caused human reactions.

"Alice, will you please get me another beer?"

"Sure. It's going to hurt like a briar patch pushing through your dick if you drink much more."

"Yes, I know, but I'm enjoying the sensation of "fitting in". I'd rather have the pissing burn from beer than water."

"Alright, it's your urinary track that's going to be a wand of fire."

With my eyes still closed the guitar was moaning some chords. The guest singer hadn't started. Then I heard the first words from her voice.

"The scars on my neck are from the blood in your mouth. I want to take you, take you down, take you down way, way down south. When you feel the heat rising on the desert sand, then you'll know I've lost you in my lusting land."

The haunting strum of the guitar turned harder, the drums started pulsing and the keyboard began jamming.

I opened my eyes to see the small girl rip the microphone out of the stand, "And you said that I was perfect. And you said that I was fair. And you said you'd never leave me but then you were not there."

I could hear her voice tearing from the screams into the microphone, "So leave me you fucking bastard. Leave me on my cross. I'd rather be lost to you than remembered at all costs."

The keyboard stopped, the drums barely tapped, and guitar returned to it's haunting, wailing chords, "Kill me with that passion, that made you cause my scars. Kill me with your biting mouth because lies are all you are."

I wasn't sure how long the song played because I was enamored with the words and the chorus.

The small bar erupted. I could hear Alice's thoughts. She was confused why I was staring intently at the stage.

"Here's your beer Edward."

Grabbing it and not turning to her I shut out her thoughts and tunneled my focus towards the revolver of a woman on the stage.

She ran into the arms of the guy that was the lead singer. They kissed, openly and expressive before the bar. The girls in front of us were screaming again.

Releasing the woman I heard the lead singer thinking despairing thought about her, 'little fucking bitch always gets the glory. One damn song and the bars on it's feet.'

Anger came to my fists. I flattened them onto my lap so I could stop the urge to break the wall behind me.

The lead singer spoke, "Isn't she great? That girl of mine can sing the fucking stars out of the sky. Thanks again Bella!"

She gingerly smiled at the crowd and disappeared behind the stage. I wanted to find her. I wanted to see where she was. No way was she waiting in the wings for the loser singing prick to come off stage.

Another boring song was recited from the male singer and I saw her running towards the girls at the table ahead of us.

Alice grabbed my hand, "Don't even think about it Edward."

Reading her mind I saw myself approaching the delicate human and... fuck me... and what? Asking for her number? Asking her who wrote the song?

"I said don't even think about it Edward. Let's go. This experiment has lasted long enough tonight."

Trying to block out Alice and the other two women the girl was chatting with I could hear her but barely. It wasn't the brazen trumpet that I usually heard when I focused.

'These are my friends.... lie.... trust... my song...'

I couldn't string the words together. They didn't make sense.

Alice was mentally screaming at me so I couldn't block her out. Fine, fine, fine, I'll leave.

"Before we go Alice, let me talk to her."

I looked into her eyes and saw the fear, "It's not healthy Edward."

"I have to Alice."

Sighing she let my hand go. I had not intentionally started a conversation with a human in... fuck, I don't know how many years.

She was laughing and it was sweet like the memory of chocolate on my human tongue. Her face was pale, I could see the blood vessels pulsing under the cloak of skin.

I wanted to place my finger on her neck and feel the speed and strength of her pulse. As I walked closer she was the same scent as her voice, sweet, chocolate, and blueberries. There were no chemical scents masking her rawness.

I heard Alice yelling at me, 'Be very fucking careful Edward, I see you wanting her...'

I tried to shut her out again and focus on the woman. The closer I got the odder her movements became. They were smooth as she ran towards her friends and now they were choppy, like she knew I was approaching, like she was anticipating my arrival.

Almost to her she turned her face and looked directly at me. Her eyes widened and she bit her lower lip. Between her teeth the outsides of her lower lip puckered, plump and red.

I could feel the burning in my throat leave. Oh it left my throat and started pulsing in my dick. Then it took over my entire body. Sex, blood, music, fucking, drinking, biting, fucking...

Alice's voice sliced through the naked debauchery of deeds I saw myself doing to this human.

'Chill out vampire, you're about to blow your cover!'

I could hear her friends wondering what she was staring at so they turned and saw me approaching. Both of them stuttered in their minds. The one was louder than the other, 'Holy fucking hell, who is that glowering demon walking towards us?'

Glowering demon? Did I even know how to glower?

I slapped a charming smile on my face and both of the friends minds quieted a bit and turned to thoughts of 'hot, fuckable...'

At their table I shoved my hands in my pocket and stared only at the girl, "You were quintessential on stage."

She started tapping her foot at a fast pace, "Thanks."

Act human Edward. Extend your hand and shake hers, "I'm Edward."

Taking my hand she didn't seem to notice how cold it was, "Hey there Edward, my name is Bella. Thanks for the compliment."

'Away, boyfriend...' It's all I could hear from Bella's mind.

"Thank you for singing and turning the abysmal band into something worth hearing."

Her smile radiated and she started to laugh, "Well Edward, thanks again, I'll be sure that I don't tell my boyfriend you think his band is shit."

"I didn't say the band was shit. I said they were abysmal."

"Ok..."

You've taken enough of her time. Now it's becoming awkward for the humans. I could have stood in the exact spot for another five days staring at her.

"Edward?"

"Yes Bella?"

"I think your girlfriend is getting pissed. She's staring at us hardcore."

"She's not my girlfriend." What the fuck difference did it make what Alice was? It's not like this human could be my girlfriend.

"And, I'm just saying she's looking pissed off. She's grabbing her purse like she's going to leave you here or beat your ass with it."

Tossing her head back she exposed her neck. Thin as she was the veins were prominent and the burning returned to my throat.

"Thank you for singing tonight. Maybe I'll see you around."

Looking at me I knew she had to see what was happening. Her movements returned to their choppiness when she first saw me moments ago.

"Yeah, maybe..."

"Goodnight."

"Yeah, goodnight."

I spun to see the mortified look on Alice's face. I doubted that she'd let me fuck her tonight.

**A/N: Please oh Please review and let me know what you think about chapter one!**

**Thanks for reading**


	2. Crosses are Crutches

Chapter 2 - Crosses are Crutches

**A/N: This entire story is going to contain graphic material. Just an FYI. I mean it's rated M so please be of M stature to read. Also, not everything is going to be nice and fluffy...**

**This chapter is shorter than my normal chapters but it's all that the characters could do at this point ;)**

**EPOV:**

"Alice, come on..."

I didn't beg for sex but I had to release the bulge in my pants somehow.

"No fucking way Edward. You totally wanted to eat that human."

Yes, why yes I did want to eat her in more than one way. Shaking the thought from my frazzled mind I can't remember the last time I'd been this fucking horny. Was it sex with Alice earlier? Was it that girl from the bar? Was it the warmth of a home and full stomach?

"Don't you read my mind either. It's not fair. I don't want you to know what I'm thinking."

I did the opposite of her request and started sorting through the categories of thought in her mind. I loved Alice's brain. It was tidy and there were no stray thoughts, unless she saw a vision. Then her mind was like the desk of a scatterbrained person.

I pouted my lip and waited for her response. It was something she couldn't resist, my lips. I'd never heard a woman be so obsessed over lips. It made me smile which turned her on more which made me want to fuck her more.

"Your not playing nicely."

I crawled across the bed towards her. It was another thing she liked, my slow, methodic movements.

"Stop yourself right now Edward. Your not going to get anywhere with me tonight. I allowed the experiment at the bar and you turned it into a vampire freak show."

I wasn't giving in that easy and she knew it, "But Alice, I want your screams to wake up the entire population of Portland."

"No!"

Her smile turned into a giggle and now it was vampire foreplay time. Her mind caved and she wanted my dick, bad.

I launched across the bed on top of her and ruffly ripped her shirt open exposing her breasts. She never wore a bra. She didn't need one. She had some of the fullest, most perky tits ever. She was changed at a good age. Not to young, and not to old. Perpetual womanly perfection was hers.

I didn't waste anytime devouring one into my mouth.

Alice liked pain.

It's not uncommon for a vampire female to like it ruff but she was a straight sadistic fuck when it came to her tolerance. I'd never dated or fucked someone that longed for me to bite them as much as she did.

At the top of her heaving breast I quickly sank my teeth into her tender flesh as she let out a yelp and pulled my head closer to her. It wasn't the blood that turned me on, it was her cries of enjoyment from my harshness.

Vampire to vampire blood wasn't the best. It tasted like leftovers so I sank my teeth into her more for her pleasure than mine.

My other hand was ruffly palming her other breast. I wasn't being kind. I was twisting her nipple to her moaning appreciation.

Then her mind went wild when I dragged the zipper to her jean down. Shoving my hand into her pants she was wet and willing to let me do anything.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with her so I went into her mind. Fuck me, what a dirty mind she had.

She wanted, right the fuck now, three fingers in her hard and deep. I answered her demand with actions and started pumping them back and forth with a wild pace.

The sounds from her were jungle like with the oddity.

The knocking on the door was Rosalie. I pulled off of Alice's breast and watched as my teeth marks instantly healed. I removed my fingers from her and shimmied down her pants. Rosalie wanted to talk to her and I was going to make this a strained conversation.

Shoving open her legs I buried my head into her cold wetness and began biting her clit. It was not a loving bite and her mind was rejoicing as was her body. I returned my three fingers into her and started slamming them in and up, in and up.

"Alice Cullen I know your in there!"

Her eyes danced at mine with consummate giddiness, "What do you want Rosalie. I'm a little preoccupied."

"Oh I know and don't think that it's not the last thing I want to hear. I seriously have to talk to you."

I raised an eyebrow questioning her if she wanted me to stop. I could tell that she was nearing a quick end but what she wanted was my dick. She'd been without a dick for months before I arrived. It took a few weeks to have sex because she wasn't sure if she was ready for sex after Jasper. Then she found out that sex didn't have to be emotional and now it's all she can think about.

I don't mind.

"Give me five minutes and I'll come to your room."

Rosalie huffed through the door, "Fine. Hurry it the hell up Edward."

I wanted to reply but didn't care enough. I liked the way Alice tasted. It was crisp, like fresh fallen snow and clean like lemon. She was like an snow cone.

I removed my fingers so I could start taking off my pants. I saw that she wanted me to rid her like I did earlier but that wasn't what I wanted.

She got her way last time, it was my way this time.

I didn't take my pants off all the way. There was no need. This was a quick fuck. Just the way I liked them. Short enough to mean nothing and long enough to get you off.

I tossed her on top of me and growled, "Fucking ride me."

I liked how she loved it when I commanded her. She smiled and began sliding up and down my dick at a quick pace.

I slapped her ass, strong and hard.

She gaffed a moan.

"Tell me that you like it Alice. Tell me that you want me to slap your ass."

"I don't need to mind reader. You already know."

"That doesn't mean I don't want to hear it." Taking my finger I twisted her nipple with one hand and slapped her ass with the other.

"I fucking love it when you slap my ass."

"That's a good girl."

I took my finger and started rubbing her clit. I was almost there and knew that she would come strong in a few more seconds. Applying the hard pressure, directly on her clit, I watched her face melt with satisfaction.

"I want to hear how fucking wonderful my cock feels in your aching pussy. I want you to tell me how my cock hits your fucking sweet spot."

"Your cock commands my pussy Edward. Fuck me!"

"No Alice, you fuck me."

She looked down and smiled her wicked grin. Her eyes shone with the orgasm that was about to wash over her.

We both hit the orgasm wall and I took her hips, thrusting them harder onto my body and enjoying the way her full breasts bounced.

Tossing her head back she screamed her kitty like wild meow and her cool wetness clenched me so hard I though I my dick might snap off.

"Whoa Alice, control those muscles."

She smirked as she pulled off of me. I hadn't came yet and was about to get fucking pissed when she dropped her mouth to my cock and swallowed me down her throat.

My eyes relaxed as her tongue thumped along the veins of my dick. She was applying the perfect pressure and her throat had the head of my penis in a vice lock.

Maybe being here in Portland was a good change. I'd missed the knowing mouth of a hot vampire.

Sighing with relief from my release she put on her robe to head to Rosalie's.

"Don't go wandering off looking for humans that sing at local dive bars? Ok?"

I smiled at her still content with the pleasant finish to our five minute fuck session.

"Yeah, no problem there. I'm not going anywhere when there's a cold cunt that I suck on."

"Your such a dirty bastard Edward and I love it."

I didn't like the word she used. I didn't like the way her mind embraced the word. Love...

I watched her ass under the pink silk as she slunk out the door. I pulled up my pants.

Folding my hands behind my head I laid back on her bed. Yeah, this was going to work out awesome.

Sometimes I hated how intrusive I could be with people's thoughts but my searing curiosity always got the better of me.

I listened to Alice's and Rosalie's conversation through Alice's mind

"What Rosalie?"

"Sorry to intrude, again, on Edward fuck time but I can't tell you this in front of him. You don't think he's listening do you?"

I laughed internally.

"No. He said he doesn't like to listen to all the conversations that go on in the place that he lives. It becomes overwhelming to know everyone's constant thoughts."

God damn she was right about that and here I was listening to them. Oh well.

"Well, you might want to spend the night away from Edward when I show you this."

"What is it?"

"It came in the mail today. I haven't opened it..."

I saw Alice tearing into the envelope addressed to her. There was no return address. She knew it was Jasper's handwriting. So, Jasper decided to come out of hiding?

Alice began reading the letter;

Alice,

Words cant express the loneliness I'm consumed with being without you. Won't you reconsider? Wont you join me? I know that you can make the transition seamlessly. We can start over and have a new life together. I refuse to return to Carlisle's house. I can no longer stand the lifestyle. You know that you are my eternal soul. I'll come back in three months. I'll meet you at the lighthouse. Please, whether you want to join me or not come to the lighthouse.

Eternally yours,

Jasper

Holding the letter to her heart Rosalie opened her arms and let Alice crumble into a pile. Stroking her hair I left Alice's brain.

Hmm, this but a damper on my plans to stick around. I knew that she still loved Jasper but where would I fit in if Alice wasn't gunning for me to stay?

I wasn't attached. I don't need this family. Fuck, I don't need anyone.

And wouldn't fate just fuck with me enough to get hung up on that girl from the bar. I wanted to find her, watch her sleep, I don't fucking know. I clenched my fingers tighter behind my head. I didn't need to go anywhere and Alice would be back, I think, soon enough.

**BPOV**

"You were killer tonight onstage!"

I smiled at Jessica. She was always so dramatic, "Thanks."

"Who was that fuck-hot guy that was talking to you?"

"You know as much as I do."

"Oh come on! I can't believe you didn't follow him to the parking lot or demand a phone number. For serious! He was raw hot."

"Jessica!" Ang chimed in, "If you thought he was so hot you should have chased him. Bella has her man."

My man, yeah, that's what Mike is, my man and he didn't ever let me forget it.

"So what if she's dating Mike. It's not like their married. If Bella wants to dump him she can and go find that fuck-hot man."

I laughed to lighten the atmosphere, "Yeah, um, Jess, can you please not say that in front of Mike?"

She shot me a side glance, "Agh, he's still being all possessive and shit?"

"No. Our relationship is much better."

Angela's eyes showed her sympathy, "Its not your fault Bella. You didn't know that he was going to come back."

"True, but that doesn't mean that Mike isn't a bit protective." Understatement of the year I thought as I rubbed my thigh.

Jessica grunted, "I'll tell you what Bella. You should have stuck your boot heel in Mike's heart and twisted. Fuck him for controlling you like he does. He's such a jerk! It's like Ang said, you didn't know that your first love was going to waltz back into your life and want to start anew."

In high-school I dated Jake. He was my first love but left with his dad when something was going on with their tribe in Quebec. He didn't return until a few months ago and sought me out. When he found me I was at a local coffee shop writing some lyrics for Mike's band.

"Bella?"

I lifted my head to the foreign but familiar voice and I sank into my booth. It couldn't be but it was...

The next few days were bad. I thought that Mike and I were definitely over. I wasn't sure if Jake wanted to rekindle our relationship.

He did and between me and my journal I wanted to as well. We were that couple that everyone envied.

Popular, cute, in love... washing away the memories of Jake I returned to the conversation.

"You know I shot that opportunity to rekindle whatever was with Jake."

Jess being Jess was pushing the subject, "Ok... but your in some classes together in school. You can't tell me that you don't talk. Your college isn't large enough to avoid him."

I felt Mike's hands press hard onto my shoulder muscles, "What are you talking about? Who's in your classes?"

Fuck.

Covering Jess's slip Ang replied, "Oh she's talking about Bella's Professor. You know, that one that she has for a few classes."

"He isn't giving you a problem is he Bella?" Mike's hands dug into my muscles and I laughed to hid the cringing pain.

"Of course not! We were just saying that it's nice to have a Professor who knows your learning style."

His hands released a bit from my shoulders, "Good. If any of those prick Professor's give any of you an issue let me know."

Jess in her sarcastic tone replied, "Sure Mike. We'll come running to you and you'll what? Kick his ass?"

Please Jess, learn when enough is enough with Mike!

"Jessica Stanley, don't you ever doubt that I would ignore it if someone was hassling any of you."

She dropped her eyes and slugged back the rest of her vodka tonic. I can't remember how many times I begged Jess to leave Mike alone after a gig. Actually, I begged her to leave him alone all the time. She pushed his buttons and when his buttons were pushed I was the one that had to deal with his anger.

Grabbing my purse off of the table he motioned for my hand. "It's time to leave. You didn't drink right?"

After a gig I was Mike's designated driver. "No. I haven't drank a drop."

"Later girls."

Ang gave me a glance and a small smile. "Later you two."

Lost in her own world Jess was checking her makeup in her compact mirror.

Mike gripped my hand, "I hate that girl Jessica."

"I know. We've been friends for years though."

"You call that slut a friend. I call her a bad influence."

"She's not that slutty Mike..." He gripped my fingers tighter and I shut up. I wasn't getting into a fight with him over Jess, not tonight.

I loved the stage. I loved singing with Mike's band and if truth be told Ben and Eric liked me singing better than Mike. We all knew that I would never be the lead singer though.

"I'm going to drive."

I knew what that meant and cringed, "Let me drive baby. You don't need another DUI."

His sharp glance told me to shut up but I didn't want him to get into more trouble. I did care about him, more than I should.

"I'm driving."

His van was a piece of shit. He bought it off of some surfer a few years back and at first I thought it was funny that he called it his shag wagon.

As soon as he got in the drivers seat he unzipped his pants.

Anytime Mike was drunk, especially after a gig, he wanted road-head. When we first started dating I didn't mind but we'd been together for two years now and he was cruel about the blow job.

He slammed my head onto his cock because he liked me to choke. It was humiliating in one respect and unpleasant in every other respect.

I knew he was treating me this way because of the reaction to me singing tonight.

Most of the time he shredded my songs to pieces. He made me feel like shit.

The few times that he listened to Eric and Ben about my songs I'd get to preform.

Almost all of his song lyrics were mine but he never delivered them right. He didn't understand the emotions permeating from the words. How could he sing them if he didn't understand their birth from my brain? He also never told anyone that I wrote them...

I allowed Eric and Ben to explore a harder side to their musical abilities. Eric was in a lot of my courses in college. We were friends but at a distance. Mike would flip if we ever studied together and he wasn't present.

The same looks that Ang gave me Eric did.

I loved Mike. He'd helped me so many times in the first few months we dated. I loved him.

"Come on and get your steaming mouth over here. I want to feel my girl on my dick."

Going through the grueling process I wondered if tonight was one that he wouldn't be able to come. It happened when he thought he did a shit job on stage.

I could tell tonight was one of those nights.

Pushing my head down my gag reflex started and he pushed harder, "That's right Bella, I love it when my cock gags you."

It was in these moments that I hated him.

He didn't come after five minutes of me gaging and my eyes pulsing.

"Awe, get the fuck off of my cock. I need to send you back to blow job school. You used to know how to do it and now, well, now your like a warm towel on my cock. Fuck Bella!"

It was my fault that he couldn't come. It was my fault that he drank to much again and couldn't preform.

I hoped that he didn't' want to have sex when we got home. If he couldn't deliver in the bed it'd be my fault again.

Wiping the precome and saliva off of my lips I buckled my seat belt for the remainder of the silent ride home.

When we walked into our apartment I got him a shot of whiskey. If he had enough shots he'd go to bed and I could write, or watch TV in peace.

"You suck at singing. You know that right?"

"Yes Mike. I know."

"Your lyrics are way too melodramatic and don't make sense." Imitating my voice he started to reenact my Leave Me on the Cross song, "Blah, blah, blah, you said that I was perfect... Who likes that shit?"

"No one Mike. No one liked it." I had to placate him.

"You getting smart with me? Is that what your doing?"

"No Mike," god I didn't want to go through this with him tonight.

"Cause I'm telling you what you fat bitch, there isn't a person out there that likes that kind of lyrical crap. Give me good lyrics! You can't write worth shit. Fuck, the dead wouldn't even stir to your shit."

I sat on the couch and balled my legs to my chest. In a few more minutes he'd be passed out. Just a few more minutes.

"Are you listening to me you fucking cunt?"

I turned to look at him and kept my face calm. I knew that not speaking was usually the key. Yet, sometimes that triggered more of an outburst. I waited for his next comment, that would direct me on how to handle him.

"Yeah, your dopy eyes tell me that your listening. Go write more cross lyric shit that no one likes. Go on your fucking cunt."

He stumbled towards the bedroom. Sighing with more than relief I headed to the bathroom to change. I slipped on my Pj's and grabbed the weed and my glass bowl.

I needed to take the edge off. For fuck sake I needed to get rid of the fear that was running through my heart.

I slammed a shot of whiskey and lit my bowl.

I went to the bookshelf and pulled out the dictionary. It was a fake one. Mike never used a dictionary. He'd have to write his own lyrics or go back to college to need one.

It was a novelty book that you can buy at the store where it's hollow on the inside. I kept everything personal in the thick, fake book.

I left he pictures that I had left of Jake and I in there. I couldn't look at those tonight. I was to destroyed as it was.

Grabbing my journal I started to write about tonight's show and how I knew I did a stellar job on stage.

Both Eric and Ben gave me their nod of approval because that's all they were allowed to do without Mike noticing.

My girls, Jess and Ang, sang my praise and then there was the stranger that gave me his approval.

Sighing I started to sketch his face and then I remembered the girl behind him at the bar. He said that she wasn't his girlfriend but if she wasn't I'd hate to know what she was!

Taking another hit off of the bowl I let my mind drift.

It's the only time I can write a clean and crisp lyric; floating away on the smoke.

I was on that cross for oh so fucking long/ Let me fall off and make all the noise/ My hands and feet are stigmatized/ My face in on the floor/ Ask me where my crutches are?/ I'll scream they are no more.

As usual, nothing special, but I could change them and belt them into something magical on stage. Yes, I fucking could.

Resting my head on the cushions I took one finale hit off of the bowl and closed my eyes.

They flew open from the sight behind them. It was that guy from the bar. His eyes, so fluid like in their movement of brown... Fuck Bella, you write lyrics, be more expressive than brown... but that's all that was coming to my mind.

Brown like the weathered wood of a cross that saints hung on. Brown like memories of the desert. Just fucking a beautiful brown that had a hint of red reflecting off of them.

**A/N: Thoughts? I love them, really I do!!!**

**Thanks for reading.**


	3. Crutches Always Crack

**Chapter 3 - Crutches Always Crack**

**A/N: Just a heads up that as we continue on with the story, there's a reason it's called Masochists in Maine. There is talk of torturing humans, fucked up Alice/Jasper relationship information, drugs, and killing. Not all of that is in this chapter but we start to descend in that direction. Rather, we are heading down the rabbit hole ;)**

**SHOUT OUT TO JADE BANGLE FOR ROCKING MY GRAMER BOAT (this _is_**** joke about my spelling and grammar)!!! And for suggesting to break up the chapter.**

**APOV**

Oh god. I reread the letter lying on Rosalie's floor.

I should tell Edward.

I don't have to tell him shit.

I should tell him.

The breakup with Jasper was a disaster.

When I became a vampire the person that changed me wasn't the best teacher. He was a miserable old fuck looking for a companion and thought, for some fucked reason, that I was a good choice.

I became a beast, a killer, a machine that hunted, and always won.

I was infatuated with everything. What I knew for twenty-one years was altered. If you can imagine for one moment, seeing everything in a prism kaleidoscope, that is what I was experiencing.

If you can envision the wildest paintings by Munch or Vincent Van Gogh, like A Starry Night, or the The Scream, and think about living in that world, that is where I was living.

I wondered many times if Munch or Van Gogh were vampires and if so I'd love to meet them. A lot of my art is inspired by their perceptions of the world.

It took me weeks to focus on what James was telling me and trying to teach me. It was as though I was living under water and James was on the land. James was trying to teach a shark to be a tiger.

Frustrated with me one day, he sat me down in his dank apartment, "Alice, you have to learn how to control your impulses. I know you think you are a shark but your not. You can't feed on anyone. It has to be calculated and planed. You must think about the ramifications of who you kill."

He didn't understand me. I don't think he ever went through the change I did. He wasn't a visual person. He was a communicator. Words were his tool for a humans demise.

I chose a victim if they looked pretty. Yes, pretty.

Aura's are real and each person has one following them like an angel. They move like an ambiguous orb around humans. James couldn't explain to me what an aura was and why humans had them.

He said that it's their body heat radiating off of them but there had to be more to humans and their auras. I deducted that it caused by their body heat but each humans varied drastically. Some were thick, and others were vague. Some humans had one solid color and others had a rainbow surronding them. Their stunning beauty made me attack. I didn't want to learn how to control the impulses to attack a pretty aura. I didn't care if they were five or ninety-five, rich or poor, male or female, and most of all, important or not.

I'd kill a fucking senator if I thought their aura looked tasty.

My brief time with James was worthy of some lessons but we just didn't get along. You can't force chemistry and we didn't have it.

I only knew James and was in a place of desolation. I wanted to meet another vampire. There had to be someone dead that could understand me better than James. He told me that when I met another vamp I would know. There wouldn't be a question. Mainly because vampires don't have aura's.

We look human. Nothing about us is different except for being pale, but there are so many pale humans that we don't stick out. Our teeth realign a bit in our mouth but our lips become fuller to hide the size of the canines.

I had to hunt alone. James liked to talk and talk to his prey before he lured them to eat them on a dirty street corner.

Before I left James apartment for the night, I saw a glimpse of a vampire in a vision. He was hunting on the same streets as myself.

I was excited. More than excited, I felt like it was my fucking wedding day.

My skills of seeing visions were not refined and freaked me out more than helped me in the early days.

It was a busy Saturday night in the bar section of a college town. Even over one-hundred years ago, drunk men were drunk men. They were the easiest prey, especially since I was attractive as a human and fucking gorgeous as a vampire. The mindless boys thought they'd get a one-night-fuck and they did, but not like they expected.

In front of a popular pub, I crossed paths with the vampire. The colored christmas lights of aura's on humans where everywhere against the dark black night and there he was, not shinning, but dull.

He was all grim, almost dirty, amongst the light.

He didn't see me but he wasn't expecting to encounter a vampire. I approached him and his eyes widened in controlled shock.

He had a southern drawl, which endeared him to me even more. In that moment, I knew I was his.

"Well, hello there."

Shyly I replied, "Hi."

"I haven't seen a vampire in this town for years."

Running my fingers through my long auburn hair, I thought I didn't compare to his dark radiance. I had a complex that I wasn't attractive enough for him and desperately wanted to match his black charisma. It was something that we later laughed about because when Jasper described what I looked like to him at first sight, my original fears were ludicrous.

"I'm Jasper."

He extended his hand and I took it, while the human auras of light flowed around us. No one bumped into us or made a damn comment about us moving, even though we were in the middle of the sidewalk. Instinctively humans shied away from us. They knew that we were different and even at their tediously slow pace, they moved to remain at a distance. That is... until we had them in our snare.

"I'm Alice."

"That you are. I don't need a looking glass to see how spectacular and new you are to this world."

If I could have blushed, I know I would have. He took my hand and pulled me into his chest.

I let out a small gasp, "How did you know that I'm new?"

"Hunger, Alice, hunger is written all over your ravenous smile. And you're smiling at me with your teeth, something us more trained vampires never do. You can't scare the prey before you dance with them."

Immediately I smiled with my lips closed. I wanted to be educated by this fucking master of my new life.

He took his free hand and traced the corners of my mouth, "Now, don't go hiding those teeth from me. I know the damage you can do with those beauties and I would like to have them in me."

A tremor of elation blew through my heightened body. God damn, I wanted to fuck him on the sidewalk.

"Once you have the human you can torture the living fuck out of them but not before then. It's not a rule but the whole, _chasing the afraid prey_, game gets boring after the first few rounds."

I felt my inner thighs start to throb from his mesmorizing words. Jasper was the vampire that I needed to train me and to teach me everything about this world.

Jasper cut through the porn scene of him tossing me onto the sidewalk and fucking me, "I see that desire running through those brown eyes of yours. Why don't we head someplace where we can chat?"

Chat? I didn't want to chat. I was about to cum under my billowing skirt from him holding my hand.

"Sure Jasper, where should we go?"

"My place."

"Oh." Maybe he could see visions too because his pupils grew larger with the idea of me in his apartment. In the hollowness of his dead eyes, I saw his hands gripping my long hair while his scalpel like teeth struck my collar bone.

"We need to get take-out though. I'm mighty hungry and I'm going to need some stamina before I ravage that tight body of yours."

"Oh!"

"That's alright with you, Alice? Is it OK if I fuck the dead brains out of you?"

I almost swooned over his words, "Oh yes."

Nodding his head he leaned into me and sternly kissed my lips. The contact with him made my body break out into chilled hives. I thought the itch to fuck him was going to officially slaughter me. The slow humans felt the chill emanating from our bodies as their glowing auras gently swirled. The subconscious level of fear was growing in them as their auras immediately changed colors while passing us from greens, blues, and yellows to reds and then back to their original color. Red always insinuated danger. The closer they came towards us the redder their energies became and once past us the red disapated.

Jasper smiled against my lips and started speaking, "How sublime! To be a new vampire and meet someone like me. You're going to enjoy what we do tonight. You might enjoy it enough to stay with me longer than the several rounds of fucking I plan on putting you through tonight."

I felt my nipples get hard from his direct, commanding words, "I'd like that."

"Are you alone?"

"No, the person who made me, I stay with him."

A hiss whistled through his lips, "That could cause a conflict but it's one I'm willing to encounter to have you for at least tonight. Tell me, Alice, has he shown you the wonderland of your new powers? Has he allowed you to fuck and feast at the same time?"

I watched his lips form the words, 'fuck and feast'. Images of death, dirtiness, orgasms, and blood overran my body. I brought my hand to my collar bone, wishing his teeth would sink into my skin, hit my bone, and suck my marrow.

"It's not like that with James. I think he wants more but we don't see the world in the same way."

Raising his eyebrows, "Did you say James?"

"Yes."

"If it's the same James I know from these parts we won't have a problem. He owes me a favor, or fifty."

"I'm not his possession," the defiance in me was strong. I was not owned by James.

"Don't misunderstand me, Alice. I know that you aren't 'his' but there are levels of respect. He changed you for a reason, and I clearly see the reason, but I must have a level of courtesy towards him. Living as long as we do, grudges aren't something you want following you. And a bad rapport with other vamps leads to a bad reputation. No vampire wants outcast from our society. Even though most choose to travel alone, intentional solitude is a curse. What happened in his life that made him want a companion? I haven't reached that stage."

Jasper was confusing me. I wanted to get take-out and fuck. "He never told me."

Shaking his head to break his thoughts he smiled a full toothed grin at me, "It doesn't matter."

"No, I don't think it does."

That first night was intense. I never knew that I could fuck and feast like we did.

"Alice!"

It was Rosalie tearing into my escapism. I did it for the first few months after Jasper left.

I relived every time I remembered fucking him, laughing, killing, and painting with him.

When Jasper left me, I stared at the canvases in the basement. We were the vampire version of the painter Jackson Pollock. He was known as Jack the Dripper. We'd laugh that our names should be Alice and Jasper the dripping rippers.

The canveses nothing more than our bodies, which were covered in paint and rolling, fucking, on the canvases.

The stickiness of the paint splattered in various colors on every inch our skin and then feeling the peeling... Ohh, the sick pain it made us experience. We'd almost let the paint dry so it was thick and caked on our nakedness and then we would fall to the basement floor covered with a canvas.

The skin almost pealed off of our bodies and the sensation of the hair follicles rising from the tight skin being pulled caused joy because it might rip off. It was sadism on the small level.

Fuck, I missed Jasper.

Sure Edward could ride me but was I left black and blue? It's hard to do with vampire skin...

"ALICE!"

Bringing me back to now again, "Sorry, Rosalie."

"No, don't tell me that shit. Are you OK? What did the letter say?"

Tossing myself back onto her bed, "No, I'm not 'OK' I miss, Jasper."

Glancing her eyes quickly towards me, "Edward is..."

Sighing, "A nice escape."

Nodding her head in agreement, "I thought so."

I sat up because I was pissed at her. She knew what Jasper was and what Edward was supposed to fill, "What, Rosalie?"

Backing away from me, "Hey you little monster, I know that you loved Jasper but I also know that you have a thing for Edward."

Fuck me, she's right.

"Rosalie, there's nothing between me and Edward."

"Good, because you are sending me the 'feel good' vibes."

"What is wrong with that?"

Sighing and tossing a pillow at me gently, "Really, Alice?"

Fuck her, "Yeah really."

Raking her hands through her long hair, "You."

My eyes started to pound with the mounting anger, and I never get angry, "What the fuck does that mean, Rosalie? What's wrong with me having a mother fucking 'feel good' vibe about, Edward?"

She took my hands, "Alice, you are falling for Edward because you don't know what else to do with your emotions towards Jasper."

I wanted to pull her hands from mine but she was right...

"Fuck, Rosalie, what..."

Shaking her head from side to side, "You do nothing."

I stared at her blankly.

"That's right, Alice, you do nothing."

Nothing.

I responded to her, "Lets take a step back. Edward, got here a few weeks ago. We immediately started this fling and I don't think he's going anywhere anytime soon. He's going to enroll into college with me. We have a fun time. He's great in bed."

Rosalie waved her hand so I'd shut up, "He's great in bed? Are you kidding me?"

Confused I replied, "No."

"Oh come on, Alice! He's not, Jasper."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I clutched Jasper's letter closer to my chest and felt my fingers about to shred the paper. She was seriously pissing me off. What did she want? Me to keep on imaginarily living with Jasper or move forward with Edward?

"Edward's not going to behave like Jasper. He's not as twisted as Jasper. I may not have all these special 'gifts' that you and Edward have but I know a sick fuck when I see one. You and Jasper were into twisted kink. Can you go back to being in a 'normal' vampire relationship like, Emmett and I?"

Damn, she had a good point. I haven't unleashed my desires onto Edward and I've even kept them mentally in check because it's not something I want to do with him. The whips, the chains, the biting, skin peeling; every painful moment was mine and Jasper's.

"I think your wrong, Rosalie. I don't want that kind of relationship with anyone but Jasper. It wouldn't feel right talking to Edward about gagging him..."

Shaking her head at me, "Your such an evil pixie that likes her sex malicious. If you think you can have a regular sexual relationship with Edward then that's incredible. It will be a pleasant change that I won't have to hear anymore sex and human torture. What did you two used to call it? Feeding and fucking or something messed up like that?"

I knew my eyes were growing dreamy again thinking about how we'd torture a human, drink them, and fuck at the same time. Oh damn it, I'm going to fall back down the rabbit hole of Jasper thoughts.

**A/N: Alice and Jasper with their fucking and feasting... those crazy kids. We will be delving into what this entails in a few chapters. I'll give you heads up if you don't want to read about it.**

**Let me know what you think. Do you hate or love the Alice/Jasper dynamic?**

**The next chapter is all Miss Bella.**

**Thanks for Reading and please, review.**


	4. Cracked and Crippled

**Chapter 4 - Cracked and Crippled**

**A/N: This chapter begins to reveal the extent that Mike physically abuses Bella. If you are sensitive to the topic of abuse you may want to skip down to Edward's arrival.**

**_*Reaches through computer screen and kisses Jade Bangle on the cheek*_ Mwahhhh! Thank you for the Beta help.**

**BPOV**

I woke up at 4 am on the couch. I licked my cracked lips and took another hit off of the bowl. I didn't want to go to bed but if Mike woke up and I wasn't next to him he'd be pissed. One day, I want one day, where he can keep his anger in check.

I closed my journal of song lyrics and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. Standing over the sink, I started to tremble.

What was I going to do? I couldn't keep on living my life this way. I had to either make changes with Mike or leave him.

I was not a weak woman but I didn't have the fight in me to handle the repercussions of leaving Mike.

The last time I tried to talk to him about leaving him my right leg wound up in a cast from "falling down."

I wanted to take the wooden crutches that I hobbled around the apartment on and crack him over the skull. I had never wanted blood and retribution so immensely in my small life. Of course I didn't do anything. Of course I was here, in the apartment, waiting for him to wake up and flip out that I wasn't in bed.

Jake was worried about me. We shared a English class and I made it clear that I didn't want to be near him but he always tried to talk to me.

"Bella, you've changed." His brown eyes were dripping with concern.

I watched Ben out of the corner of my eye. I didn't want him reporting back to Mike that I was talking to Jake. If Mike knew he was my ex boyfriend he'd probably shoot him or attack him with a crow bar.

"We all change, Jake." I blew him and his concern off. It was for his safety that I ignored his obvious care for me. I didn't want to see him hurt or worse, dead. I did not put killing someone past Mike. He would get this insane glimmer in his eyes like everything snapped. Just like my leg bone, snapped.

I always mindlessly rubbed my right leg.

Most of the time Mike kept the bruising on my stomach, back, and other areas that no one could see. Rarely did he punch my face but the occasional smack wasn't out of the question.

Angela knew that our relationship wasn't healthy. She would try and talk to me about Mike, and I'd reject her concerns. Sometimes she'd see me wince when I'd sit down. Other times, like last night, she saw how deeply Mike dug his fingers into my shoulder muscles. It wasn't a loving massage. It was utter possession.

Staring out the sliding glass door I wanted to sit on the balcony. I rarely smoked cigarettes but Mike chain smoked. I put on my favorite zip up sweater, grabbed a smoke, took another shot of whiskey, and opened the sliding glass door.

Winter in Maine wasn't my favorite, but I did love the cold. When the wind whipped, it wiped away the searing depression of the day and left a numbing sensation. It's the numbness that's kept me sane in the overly heated apartment. Mike loved the apartment hot and what Mike wanted, he always got.

Taking a deep drag, I started to cough. Why was I smoking again? An excuse to be outside incase Mike wakes up and wants to beat my ass for not being in bed. That's why I'm smoking.

Fuck. My. Life.

I wanted to tell Jake everything. I wanted him to take me away from Mike. I didn't know if I could leave him. I did love him. I loved him more than I ever loved Jake. He needs me. He apologizes after a session of making me his personal emotional and physical punching bag.

He had a fucked up childhood.

He never said so but I think he was molested as a child. His Mom died when he was four and then he only had his Dad. His dad owned the local sporting goods store and was a rough man that enjoyed bear hunting, guns, NRA, and anything "manly".

He thought that Mike was a pussy because he liked music. He'd never watched his son's band perform and never would.

I was having dinner with them on Sunday, which we always did. I was cooking, as usual. Then Mike's Dad started hammering him.

"When are you going to pull your life together? Why do you waste time playing with toys and singing like a girl?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that it's a release Dad? It's just a fucking thing I do for a good time. I don't have delusional dreams that I'm going make it big time."

"Well, ain't that something? My pussy boy son admits that he ain't gonna be a rock star. Jesus. When your mother died I didn't think you'd wind up being the skirt wearing sissy in the family."

"Fuck Dad! Just drop this shit already."

"If you had half a fucking brain, you'd come and work for me. Someone's gotta take over the store when I die and I always though it'd be my son. But, ya see boy, you gotta know a thing or two about hunting and camping to run a store like mine. You can't sing to the customers. They'd punch your pussy lights out."

That night was not fun. When we got home Mike was drunker than fuck and took a belt to my ass. Part of me didn't mind. The other part was mortified that I could be with a man that intentionally hurt me to release his own fucked up emotions.

I forced myself to think about the beginning of our relationship when we were lighthearted. Then the black and blue marks on my body would conjure memories that made me crack into tears. I knew this was hell and that I needed to get out before I wound up dead.

When I started dating Mike, he was a different man. He was the person I loved. If I could find him, resurrect him, bring him back into our home, we could find the evasive happiness that's been gone for years.

Leaning over the balcony I flicked the cigarette. Our apartment was on the third floor of the five story apartment complex. Sandwiched in between the lives of the other tenants I felt safe in the middle. Which is amusing in a sad way. You'd think that more people would hear the breaking plates that I whipped at Mike when he attacked me.

You'd think the neighbors would hear my screams before Mike would gag my mouth with one hand while the other one wailed on my tender flesh.

Gingerly I touched my shoulder. Fuck it hurt. I bet there'd be marks from his fingers digging into them.

I didn't want to go to bed. I came in, took another shot of whiskey, a hit off of the bowl, grabbed a smoke, and went back outside.

I didn't want another smoke but I needed the excuse...

"Hey singer. Is that you?"

What the fuck? Panic flooded my stomach like the whiskey that was flooding my blood and brain. Mike? No, that didn't sound like his voice. I stood very still. Maybe it's someone on another balcony talking but it's 4:30 am...

"Not in the mood to talk?"

Who the fuck is that?

I peeked over the railing and saw him, the guy from the bar. Oh no, this wasn't good. Mike was going to have a fucking spaz attack.

In a harsh whisper I responded, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

When he spoke, it shook my insides. It wasn't the cold causing the shivers. "That's a question of epic proportions. I have no mother fucking clue what I'm doing here."

"Then you better leave."

"Why?"

Was he serious? Why? I could think of a thousand why's but not one was a solid thought. Even the paranoia of Mike waking up and killing him didn't come to my mind in a full thought.

"Because it's 4:30 in the morning."

He tossed his head back and laughed. Oh. My. God. He was beautiful and frightening. I think he's slightly insane.

"So, because it's early morning I shouldn't be walking the dastardly streets of Portland Maine?"

"Yes." Sure, why the fuck not, that sounded like a good reason.

"I'll be up in a second. Go take another shot of whisky."

This had to be a joke or I was hallucinating. That weed better not have PCP in it. Sometimes Mike gets shit weed. Oh fuck. He can't come to my apartment door. If Mike heard another man, or anyone, he'd go ballistic.

"Bella, go take a shot and I'll meet you on the balcony. I don't plan on coming into your apartment. Now go."

I slowly opened the apartment door and slammed back two shots of whisky. I took another hit off of the bowl, PCP or not, and went back to the balcony. Jesus he was a sexy creature. Tall, lean, muscular but not bulky.

I wrapped the old sweat shirt jacket around my body tightly as I opened the door.

Confused I looked around to see how he managed to get up onto our balcony so quickly. "What, I mean, how, what..."

As he looked at me smiling, I shivered. This was fucked up.

"I wasn't tired. I walk around sometimes when I'm bored. It's not a big deal. I'm not stalking you or anything."

"Oh, ok." Right, because normal people wander the streets this early in the morning and scale the walls of apartment buildings to talk to chicks that they met for five seconds in a bar. This is totally normal, Bella.

"I'll leave," he said and looked at me with whimsical wonder. He didn't want to leave. I don't think I wanted him to leave but he couldn't stay. I couldn't invite him in.

"You don't have to leave." Ok, you've lost it, Bella. Yes, he has to leave.

"I can see that you want me to leave. That's cool."

Turning from me, he took a long leg and tossed it over the railing. For an unknown reason, one that I will never know, I went to him and placed my small hand on his broad back.

"No, it's fine. You can stay for a few minutes. I understand not being able to sleep."

Holy shit, I openly invited him to stay and have a convo, on my balcony, in the fucking freezing wind, with Mike one room over. I was asking for death.

Flipping his leg back over the railing, he kept his back to me and I dropped my hand.

"You don't have to worry about him."

"Huh?"

"That fucker in the bedroom. You don't have to worry about him waking up."

"Oh."

"He drank enough at the bar to be passed out until noon."

I giggled and wanted to slap myself. I appraised him. Fuck me, he was handsome. He had on a grey peacoat, a beanie cap, and a pair of black jeans and black boots. His face was unreal. People just weren't this beautiful. Like the girl he was with at the bar, she was stunning.

"Mike can hold his liquor. I really hope he doesn't wake up."

"I said that you don't have to worry about him."

What the hell did this guy know about what to worry about? What is his name, Edmond?

"I'm Edward."

Oh, that's right, Edward.

"Right. Thanks again for your compliments about my singing."

"Of course. I always give compliments where they are due."

"Hmm."

"Are you utterly afraid that I'm on the balcony with you right now?"

YES. "No, I just think it's fucking weird."

"I'm good at weird."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"What should we talk about?"

"I don't know. You are the one that came to my balcony."

"That song you were singing. Were they your lyrics?"

"Yeah."

"What inspired them?"

Loaded question wall scaling mother fucker, "Life."

Raising an eyebrow he hadn't dropped his pressed lip smile, "Your life has been that complex?"

"Sure, who hasn't had a complicated life?"

"Touche."

"Are you an insomniac?"

"Of sorts."

"Did you know where I lived?"

"No."

I dropped my hands from being wrapped around my body and put them on my hips, "So, you are telling me that you just wander around apartment complex parking lots looking for people to talk too?"

"Precisely." He tossed his head back and let out a low laugh. I watched his adam apple bob up and down his strong, slender neck and wanted to bite it.

Snapping his head back towards my face he smirked. Fuck me, it's like he heard my thought.

"And your girlfriend doesn't care?"

Rolling his eyes his lips went back into the pressed lip smile, "I told you, she's not my girlfriend."

I nodded my head but didn't believe him for one second.

"You know, Bella, fate has a way of making people find one another. I believe this could be the beginning of a stupendous relationship if you'd drop your mental guard."

What the hell was he talking about?

"My mental guard?"

"Never mind. I better get going before my non-girlfriend gets concerned."

Taking a step closer to me, I began to shiver. It's like he was the winter wind that was whipping around the small balcony.

"I'd rip his mother fucking head off. You know that right?"

Huh? "What?"

"You heard me."

Audacious is an understatement for him to presume that I'd want Mike killed or that he'd need to kill him.

Leaning into me, Edward took his lips and pressed them against my forehead. Pulling back from me he licked his lips as though he was tasting the essence of my skin.

Then his eyes were not looking at me but around me as though something was hovering over my body.

"Take care of yourself this morning, Bella. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, OK."

He took his hand and traced it down the side of my face, neck, and landed on the sore spot of my shoulder muscles. I hiccupped and winced.

Gently he rubbed the tender skin and muscles.

"Right now I'd kill him but I can tell that it's too soon."

"Who? Who would you kill? What are you talking about?"

He pressed a bit harder on my muscle and I sucked in a sharp breath.

"I'll kill him."

"No, no, no, you don't know what your saying..."

Smirking it was as if he couldn't resist coming in towards me again. This time he kissed the top of my head and the bolt of thunder that rippled through my ears was like the Fourth of July fireworks I adored.

God damn, I loved fireworks and Edward was making me feel like a firework.

"I do know what I'm saying. Maybe I should stay and teach him some manners."

Awe shit. "You should leave. I'd like you to leave." LIE.

"Hmm, I don't think that's the truth but I'll see you soon enough."

In a bolt his legs were over the railing and he dropped down to the ground. I ran to the railing and looked down. What the fuck? Didn't he break a leg or something with that kind of jump?

In a quiet voice, "EDWARD, are you alright?"

He flipped his head towards me and flashed me a grin exposing his shinning teeth. They were whiter than the snow against the black top of the parking lot.

"I'm fine, Bella. Go back inside before I have to kill that fucker you call your boyfriend."

Trembling, I nodded my head and went to the sliding glass door.

I didn't think I would be able to escape the cracked interior of my life now that Edward sauntered into my scene.

Flipping open my lyric journal I wrote a few lines; The crutches that carried me I cracked over your thick skull.

Did you feel the misery you caused?

Do you see where you pushed me?

You are nothing but a cracked crossbow crippling my pride.

**A/N: So, we know that Mike beats the fuck out of Bella. Edward almost knows the extent but Bella's brain turns to mush when he's around so he can't fully read her thoughts.**

**Let me know what you think! Hate it? Love it? Think it's fucked? I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

**Next chapter we will have EPOV. He is horrendously pissed about Mike and wants to kill someone. What a guy.**

**Thanks for Reading**


	5. Crippled and Cursing

**Chapter 5 - Crippled and Cursing**

**A/N: I missed EPOV last chapter *sigh*. I just love that man even, though he's twisted. Not as twisted as Alice and Jasper but still, he's a god damn vampire so lets make sure he behaves like one. Right?**

******Screaming Eagle hugs and kisses to Jade Bangle for Beta'ing my ass. I'd be a mess of bullet wounds and stab holes without her!******

**EPOV**

Fucking chocolate and blueberries were covering my tongue. Why in the hell did I have to kiss her forehead and then her hair? Because I'm a sick fuck, that's why.

I was running through the empty streets at a pace that human eyes wouldn't notice. I would be that weird blur that a driver would not know if it was their groggy morning imagination or the wind playing tricks. By running I could force the wanton need to kill Bella in the background of my thoughts. Not only kill her but relish in killing her.

Then there was the heartless disaster that she called her boyfriend. His body was going to be on a javelin stick while I sat there with a goblet to catch his fucking thick, dripping, blood. I would gulp his essence out of him while his impaled torso excruciatingly drained it's blood and slithered slowly down the wooden pole. He wasn't going to die diverted and quick like most of my kills. I was going to make that prick suffer like he made Bella.

All I did was graze her shoulder and she winced like I was breaking her arm. I have to be careful touching a human because I can harm them without cause unintentionally but I was sweet-tempered when I stroked her. Even my cold fingers couldn't heal the pain that was tearing through her swollen muscles. What a fucking asshole.

OK, this was getting out of hand. Why the hell did I care about that mortal? Who cared if her douche of a boyfriend beat the living hell out of her? She didn't leave him. Maybe she asked for it?

Wait, no fucking way. No person asked for that kind of treatment, especially a human. Pain to them did not equal a good time.

When was the last time I fucking cared about a human? I don't even think I cared about humans when I was a human. Now I was obsessed, slightly, with the darling creature that tasted like chocolate and blueberries.

I wanted to go to a 24 hour grocery store and buy the products just to see if they tasted like I remember. The ramifications were not worth the risk. I hated human bodily functions but, Jesus, she was so sweet and tart.

Seeing her and then finding her was a mistake. I should have stayed in Alice's room and stopped her from pouting about Jasper. I knew she was going to spend the night on Rosalie's floor.

When Emmett came home I ran down and saw the bloody mess of his clothing.

"Fuck, Emmett, what did you do?"

Smiling a bloody grin, "I visited one of my favorite places. A fucking great little whore house. It's like walking into a meat locker and getting your pick."

"Awe man, I don't want to hear that shit. You are seriously deranged."

Winking at me he said, "Yes, I am, but they are so tasty."

He made me hungry. Whores weren't my first choice of easy pickings but they did a good job in a pinch.

I had to get out of the house so I started walking around town. Taking long walks at night was something I did on a regular basis.

It was pure luck I smelled Bella. If she hadn't gone outside to smoke the first cigarette, I would have never known I was near her. I was so fucking close that I could taste her in the wind.

Tonight I do not think that anything would quench this disaster I created for myself. Anything besides Bella that is, and she was the one thing I refused to drink.

Maybe if I drank her fucker of a boyfriend I would taste something in him from her... I doubted it. It was obvious the woman hadn't been properly fucked in months. I doubted that he even knew how to fuck her right. Humans!

What is happening to me? Why am I thinking about a human? Why am I staying with a house full of vampires? Why do I feel a sense of remorse for Alice and my new obsession with the human?

Running harder, I needed to shake this sensation out of my core. I felt like I needed this human, and not to kill her, although that would be the optimal outcome of being near her.

Is it possible for me to loose the bitterness that I have carried since the day I was changed? That's what being around these civil vampires and that human woman is making me think.

I don't like these thoughts.

I have been fine, cold and barren for years. I don't feel anything. I sit in the loneliness of my mind and enjoy the physical act of killing.

Killing... I need to kill to make the action numb me somewhere else.

Who's awake at this hour? Bakers and gas station employees.

I ran the small list of bagel shops, and bakeries through my mind. Esme would have my hide if I harmed any of the precious humans she worked with.

I found a BP gas station's lime green lights illuminated against the dark sky. The sun would be rising soon but I still had a few more minutes of night.

I saw the skinny girl filling the coffee pots. She had long brown hair like Bella. If I hadn't left her a few minutes ago, I would have thought that it could have been her from behind. How can I kill this woman that reminds me of the human I'm consumed with? I suppose it's better than killing Bella.

I walked behind the fragile stick and took a deep breath onto the palate of my tongue. Ugh, definitely not Bella's scent. This woman was sweeter, like a bottle of orange soda. She'd fill the need but not the desire.

Spinning towards me, I was too close for her comfort.

"Go into your storage room," I demanded. Humans could not resist my command when I looked into their eyes. I could control any interaction with the livestock by staring at them.

She obliged and set down the coffee pot on the counter.

"Yes Sir."

"Very good," I read her nametag, "Darla. Tell me, do you have cameras in the storage room?"

"No Sir."

"Very good indeed. Walk."

She turned and headed through the thick flaps of plastic to the storage room. One would think that in these moments, a human would recognize that their death was nearing and push a panic button or some shit.

They never did.

They were like chickens being dropped into boiling water. They had no clue their small life was about to end. I felt my boner getting larger. This Darla women was not pretty but killing always excited me. I searched for Bella's features in her face but there were none. From behind she looked like Bella but her face was older, like she'd lived to many years and it was time to meet some peace.

That's what I was for Darla, a grim reaper of peace. It's not a justification for my actions, but it's an honest reason why I don't mind killing.

So many humans don't appreciate life. I jumped into her head to hear her finale thoughts. Like most humans, it was a mishmash of confusion and surprise. I know that is because of my ability to rake the hell out their minds when they look into my eyes, but she had one thought that was louder than the rest.

There was a burly man named Paul. I wanted to find Paul and kill him like I did Mike. What is going on in Portland, Maine? Why are there so many abused women I'm meeting? I was beginning to hate the male species of humans more than the female.

I always disliked the females because I thought they were conniving and a bit soulless but after today, I might start killing more men.

I'm not a vigilante vampire, far from it, but fucking Christ, how many battered women can a guy meet in twelve hours?

My desire to suck the orange soda pop of the woman died. I dug around in her mind a bit more and found out where she lived.

"Darla, if I do this for you, this awesome favor I'm going to do, will you start living your life? Will you start today and never go back to a man like Paul?"

"Y..e...s...,"

I nodded and knew it was a lie but I wanted the grizzly of a man more than I wanted this piteous woman.

"Good girl. Start today or I'll find you and eat you tomorrow. Understand?"

I didn't wait for her answer. I ran from the gas station to the home of Paul and Darla. If I wasn't killing Mike tonight this desolate fucker, Paul, was going to pay for the harm Mike caused Bella.

Kicking open the front door for a dramatic effect I heard rustling in the bedroom. It was the deplorable Paul in his stained tighty-whities and a wife beater. How appropriate.

"Hello Paul."

In a groggy sleep filled voice and holding his shot gun he looked at me like I was Satan. He was damn close.

"Who the fuck are you, nutcase?"

Good question. Who the fuck was I and why was I being such a lamenting freak? "I'm your death sentence, you wife beating prick."

Paul let the shotgun rip into me and I laughed as the pain splintered through my chest and spinal chord. Fuck yes! I loved getting shot. I'd forgotten how fun this holocaust to my body's cells could be.

"Now Paul, that's no way to treat a breakfast guest."

I ran towards him and took his shotgun. I watched as he pissed himself and started to stutter, "How... what... I shitting shot you mother fucker!"

"So you did!" I looked down and the wound was rapidly healing. I can imagine the devastation it caused wife beating Paul. It is amazing the first few times, to see your own intestines curl back into your body and then watch the skin heal over the opening. Sometimes I forgot the wonder of my body but the mere nothings like Paul always reminded me

I took the shotgun and pointed it at his lower belly. "What should we do, Paul? How should I kill you since you can't kill me? Being alive and on top of every situation is titillating. Do you know what that word means, Paul? Do you know what I could do to you with this lovely shot gun?"

His face was shinning with sweet. I should have killed Darla because he stunk like skunk weed and Natural Light beer. No, killing Paul was going to be more fun by far.

"You see, Paul, I could take this and with the strength of my pinky shove this shotgun from your lower bowels to your fucking windpipe. Then I would take a seat and watch you. It would be heartbreakingly difficult for most to watch you suffer and writhe in pain. But, I'm not most people and to me this will be most poignant.

Do you know pain, Paul? Do you know what you do to Darla and how that makes her feel? Do you understand the sub-human position you have placed her in when you take your fat fists and pound her? No, Paul, no, I don't think you do. So, I'm here to kill you, and I'm going to fucking enjoy this you, twisted fucking asshole."

I felt the cool metal against my finger and pulled the trigger. The shot blew his right arm off. The tissues and blood flew all over the cheap wood paneled walls while he screamed like a little girl opening up a Barbie Castle on Christmas.

"How does that feel, Paul? Do you have words or just screams to communicate to me how powerful you are right now? Your right handed. I know this. I know that your right hand does the majority of the beating on Darla and now that your god-like tool is missing, what will you do? Will you curl up and work in a thrift store since you can't go to work? Will you work for the Salvation Army, or maybe Good Will, sorting slowly through peoples reeking clothing with your left arm?

"F, fu, fuck you man! MY FUCKING ARM!"

"Oh, it is so good to be alive and on top, Paul. It feel so good and you'll never feel that again. Should I let you go into shock or kill you? Do you want to live without the one implement you know how to use? Should I stop asking you questions that you'll never answer because you can't even hear my words over your own wailing?"

I dropped the shotgun and ran to the spraying water-fountain of vampire kool aid. Yes, I ate three nights a week in the Cullen household but I never took much. I hadn't had thirst like this in fucking years.

Suckling his open wound like a garden hose, I drained the wife-beating looser in seconds. Licking my lips, I headed to Paul and Darla's bathroom to wash the blood off of my face in case I ran into a human.

After cleaning up, I ran to my new home. Zipping into Alice's room, I laid on her soft bed. Damn, I was getting used to pillows and comforters instead of leaves and twigs.

Blissfully I tried to allow sleep to take over my confused mind. Sadly, it wouldn't render me senseless. No, I was left with the ache to kill more humans.

I began to run scenarios for Mike's death through my rattled brain. Bella's face blocked each plan for Mike's demise.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at me. I knew it was the beginning of a dream. I wanted to reach out, hold her, and have her small frame curl up on my chest. I would lock my arms around her and protect her from anything that was going to harm her. I could do it. I would do it. She would always be safe.

When did I turn into a nanny for humans and why do I fucking care about this girl? Fuck!

One thing was certain, I was full from Paul but still tasting blueberries and chocolate on my tongue.

**A/N: Do we like Edward?**

**Next chapter is all Alice and we know what that means...**


	6. Cursing the Twisted

**Chapter 6 - Cursing the Twisted**

**A/N: Time to fuck and feast or feast and fuck.**

**Oh Jade Bangle, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways... enough to slam you with my Knotty Cat! Thanks for the Beta help, letting me where I needed MORE pain, and chopping up the flow I had that was not flowing. You are such a twisted doll.**

APOV

I did not sleep. I never really slept but tonight I laid on Rosalie's floor and talked for hours. It was all nonsense and things I should have never let slip from me.

Rosalie knew it all now. She knew why he officially left, what we did, why I liked it, and about the Light House in three months.

It was vapid and childish for me to need her but I did and she was there for me. If I could feel nothing I would but that was not working for me. Why does everyone else always seem to be able to go numb?

I was feeling everything.

I needed some blood that would obliterate me but the last time I went on a drug induced blood bender I did not recover for a few weeks.

I heard Edward go into my bedroom and frowned. He went and found that chick from the bar. I hope he did not kill her. She seemed pleasant but I do not want her around Edward. As selfish as I was being sulking about Jasper, I didn't want Edward to develop a human crush. That shit is toxic.

I was not going back to my room, not with my mind full of Jasper thoughts. If Edward saw what we used to do for pleasure he might turn-tail and run away from me.

That was me and Jasper. I would never be like that with another man. No one would make me want to do that with them.

A vision about Edward's evening made me almost laugh out loud. No shit. He killed a man by blowing off his arm and drinking from that arm like a kid from a garden hose.

Good job, Edward. He needed a kill under his belt but I knew that Carlisle was going to be upset. Well, Carlisle can deal. Edward has been on the best rogue vampire behavior since stumbling into our corner of the world.

Then I saw a vision from the future and closed my eyes against it.

No.

It was that chick from the bar again. He was, fuck me, he was sitting on her apartment couch... talking?

She can't have him!

I heard Esme rustling around downstairs. She was heading to work to start baking for the day.

I ran to the kitchen as she grabbed her car keys.

"Esme, can I come with you?"

Her surprised look did not bother me. I never asked to spend time with her. She was not a female vampire I would choose to associate with. I liked people with personalities and she was dry. She never understood me and Jasper. At least Rosalie, Emmett, and Carlisle tried. She snubbed her nose towards our actions.

"Alice, you've never expressed interest in any of my jobs."

"True, but I need to occupy myself until my classes today at noon. I figured I could help you."

"That's nice dear but I don't need help."

"We have lived together for years. Don't you think at some point we should try, for Carlisle's sake, to get along?"

She cocked her head towards me and shook it in a disgusted manner, "Don't bring his desires into this conversation. You know why I don't care to associate with you. My vote, years ago, was clear. I don't appreciate the way you treat your humans. I think it's disrespectful and it's purposely what I've avoided being for my entire vampire existence. I tolerate you in our home because it's Carlisle's wish to have a home full of vampires that try to curb their desires."

"After the last time I never did it in your home again. You know that."

"I do."

"Then can't we start anew? Jasper is gone and he's not going to come back. I won't do what I used to with Edward. He's not like, Jasper."

"No, he's not. He's odd but I like his calming presence. He's healthy for you, Alice. You were too young when you met Jasper. You didn't know what he was teaching you."

I hated this fight with Esme. I did not want to have it, again. "Will you start over with me, Esme?"

"I'm sorry but even being with Edward I don't believe that the depth of your compassion has changed and I will not expose myself to your lifestyle."

Carlisle found Jasper and I when we were living in Oregon. He was apart of some undercover sex crimes FBI task force. We were the sick fucks that the FBI was looking for. He begged us to either stop our ways or to join his family. We did not think we needed a family but after the first few weeks, it was comforting.

After our first date, or fuck, whatever it was for a vampire, I did not leave Jasper for seventeen days. He talked to James, who was raging pissed but let it drop because he did owe Jasper some favors.

The two us went on a fucking, feasting frenzy and after the seventeenth day he was done with me and ready to move on.

Kissing my open palms he said, "I don't need a companion. This was fun, but it's time for you to leave."

I was devastated. Fuck, that seemed to happen a lot with Jasper.

I had said to him. "Don't send me back to James. I want to be with you! He'll never understand what we did and how fucking absolute it was."

"The first night we met I told you I didn't need a companion and I don't. He made you, go back to him, learn from him, and maybe one day we'll meet across some random city."

Cast back to James, I huddled in my room and cried red tears for the day. Asinine vampire males and their flings...

James was gathering our belongings so we could move to a new location the next morning. The rampage that Jasper and I left was all over the newspapers. Our destruction was known as J_ack the Ripper is alive in the United States. _At least that is what the headlines in the papers claimed...

"The downright mess the two of you made out of all those women has forced us to move. Alice, what made you agree to go along with his mental ways? I've known Jasper for years. Some people never change. Didn't you feel any remorse for what you did to those girls?"

"No, I didn't feel any remorse for them. Why should I? Why are you so soft?"

"It is not being soft. It is not torturing."

Later that night Jasper jumped through my window and tossed his body on my bed. I almost screeched with the excitement of seeing him but I stifled my joy over his return.

Running his hands over my face, "Darling, won't you come with me? I thought I didn't need anyone in my life but I'm a changed man."

We did not say goodbye to James. We simply ran away together.

Shaking away the thoughts I focused on Esme, I snapped at her, "If you want to keep our relationship estranged then fine. Don't say I never tried to mend the broken down palace that we both live under."

"That's not fair. You have placed me in several situations where my comfort level was none of your concern. Why should I cater to your needs to befriend me now?"

"Because, Esme, we are a family."

"No, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, and I are a family. You are a leftover straggler that Carlisle tried to put some humanity into your lifestyle. Little did he know that he brought the demon and his apprentice into our home. Now that Jasper is gone, the only thing left is his crestfallen sidekick. I'd take Edward over your sour soul any day."

"You self righteous bitch," I hissed. "I'm trying, Esme, but for fuck sake, I'd strangle you like that last little bitch in the basement if I could."

"There it is, Alice. There is the woman that you are. Do not hide her and do not purport that your any different from a few months ago. All you are doing is trying on a new skin but a snake can never shed its markings. I hope Edward flees away from you. Your feeding style is a atrocious and you rival the self indulgence of the followers of Bacchus."

Flipping her off, "You don't understand shit about what Jasper and I did. You never will because you parade around this house like a fashion model, Martha Stewart, wanna-be housewife. You're not, Esme, and never will be a human again. Get over yourself!"

"I'll get 'over myself' when you admit that your a ghoulish little girl who's in dire need of Jasper's hard hand."

"I never said that I didn't need Jasper but I can't change what he decided. Try as I may, I failed, and he is gone so I have to move on. That's what I'm trying to do."

Sarcastically she replied, "Forgive me if it takes me more than a few weeks of you spending time with Edward to believe you. The last human that you tortured was alone and without Jasper's guidance. It is in you and you will do what you need to satisfy the succubus within."

Rolling my eyes at her, "Oh, go on stage, Esme, and deliver your soliloquy about my heartless appetite. If Carlisle were here he'd be disappointed that you aren't attempting to nurture me."

"I told you before, do not bring anyone but yourself into the conversation at hand."

I stomped out of the kitchen. I needed to get away from this controlling bitch before I snapped on her.

"That's right, Alice, walk away. Go find some young doe and string her up in the basement to torture her. That is what you do best and never forget it."

"What do you do best? You judge and what are you but a blood drinker like me? Don't get high and mighty when you're not any better than me. So what if you pick some shit-hole man instead of a young, beautiful girl? What's the difference? You end life. Just like me."

"Yes, I do but I've never enjoyed a blood filled minute of it."

And that was all there was to say.

That would forever be the rift between our worlds.

Esme did not like killing and I did.

"Fuck, Esme, go hang out with Rosalie. The two of you can have hours of fun discussing how disgusting we all are with our enjoyment of drinking blood. It's you two against the vampire world."

Smiling disparagingly at me, "We could find Jasper and include him in our pow-wow."

Fucking bitch.

I stomped back into the kitchen and saw her eyes light with excitement. I passed her without a second glance and pounded into the basement. I had to be near Jasper and remember him the only way I could envision.

Tossing my ass onto the old sofa I stared at our canvases of sex and blood. At times we mingled the blood of the victim into our art.

Like wine, it was a fluid we hated to waste, but sometimes the spill of the fluid was more bountiful than we expected. When a one-hundred and fifteen pound girl held six liters of blood, it was a shocker.

I brought my knees to my chin and looked at my favorite canvas. It had lilac, cobalt blue, silver, and maroon paint smeared with my breast and Jasper's ass.

Why did he have to change? For fucking god's cruelness, I would change my wicked ways to have him back. Or could I? Was Esme right? Will my skin shed but my marks always be the same?

If that is true, than Jasper will return.

I chanted that to myself for months. I prayed to open skies that he would come back and change his mind.

He has not and he is not going too. Even his letter was a desperate plea for me to convert. He is like a man that was a sinner and found God. He want's me in his life because he loves me but he would not accept me as I am.

I do not want to change.

I am fine being a twisted woman.

I liked to watch them bleed and beg while we fucked them or one another.

I do not want a new life.

I want Jasper back in mine.

Should I go to the Light House and if I do what will happen? If neither of us budge, what is the point if meeting him?

It was the last woman that flipped him out and forced him to leave.

We were doing our normal activities. There was nothing different about her torture and demise. It was our Wednesday ritual.

Wednesday wet day... as I so cutely dubbed the day.

They were always female victims. We both liked human women better than men and usually Carlisle brought home a fat old man.

It was like eating hot dogs every night of the week. Sometimes you want chicken.

Sometimes you want to play with your food.

After Jasper would get his release from torturing them with whatever devices aroused him that night. I would drink from an IV while Jasper and I fucked in front of the terrified woman. She would see us tearing apart one another with our canines. We would dig deep, ripping to the bone and drink hard and cavernous from the other only to heal instantly.

She would watch me share her blood with Jasper by taking a long suck from the IV and then drizzle it all over his open mouth while I fucked him. Our lips would clash while our tongues eagerly lapped at the blood.

Jaspers favorite part was when he would flip me over the wooden bench and slam into me while leaning over to tear apart the breast of the woman hanging before us. His aggression levels were always the highest during his breast feast and my ass fucking. Then I'd wrap myself around the dying woman and bury my head into her neck while Jasper continued screwed me from behind, sinking his teeth into my shoulder..

We had gone beyond the limits I knew other vampires to reach with our dinner games.

Tonight was rare.

Jane was in a different category of 'playing with our food.' She kept on begging for more, and for us to kill her. She wanted to die. She wanted to feel the agony before she died.

She was an original and we both knew it. She was enjoying every hurtful moment.

Never had we met a human that pleaded for us to continue our via dolorosa.

Jasper beat her with his very mean, stinging little flogger whip he called his Knotty Cat. It had a braided handle and 24 tails made of black leather. Each tail had 5 small knots near the end. When they made contact on the pulsing flesh of our wretched human they would pass out from the anguish.

Jasper would bring them back by tossing water on them. Sometimes he would use smelling salts and then we would begin my favorite part of dinner.

Tonight Jane didn't pass out and watched in wonderful confusion as I strapped the IV to her arm. She smiled as the thick needle entered her bruised inner arm. I always drank from them like they were a fountain drink at a restaurant.

Intrigued by her reaction to the IV, Jasper pushed her harder than I had ever seen him push a human. He was almost scaring me with his throbbing desire to test the extent of her agonies desire, almost.

When I thought she had finally passed out, she would start begging for more in high pitched wails.

At some point Emmett came downstairs and saw Jane hanging from our device screwed into the beams of the ceiling.

It was nothing more than the top portion of a cross with chains bolted to the top of it. We had it hanging from the ceiling, like chandelier and would bound the arms of our victim with whatever was our fucking fancy for the night. Sometimes it was chains, other times it was cuffs.

For Jane we used barded wire.

Emmett's eyes were glued to the bloody Jane, "Esme's freaked and Carlisle's getting pissed. You two are fucked in the head but have never made someone scream the way this bitch is wailing. Esme's afraid that a neighbor's going to call the cops. Can you kill her already?"

Jasper's face contorted into a sneer. Pointing at the swinging, suspended Jane, "Fuck you Emmett. I won't kill this incredible creature! She wants more! Take a seat and watch."

We both knew that Emmett had a level of our sadism that he would never show Rosalie. He was embarrassed by his dark side and did not embrace it.

Rubbing his hands together he replied, "Nah, thanks for the offer but I'm the messenger. You don't want anyone else coming down here to see the games you two play, trust me."

We both understood and let him go upstairs.

Turning away from Jane, Jasper ran his hand though his sweaty, matted hair and looked at me. It was the first time, all night, he had paid me any attention.

I did not mind. I was as fascinated with this girl as he was. "Alice, what should we do? I don't want to end her life. I want to keep her."

"Keep her how?" I asked while I rummaged through our toy box. I pulled out a cheese grater. I wondered if the bitch would like her skin flaked onto the floor by this lovely little kitchen device. Something told me she would.

Jasper slammed the whip he was holding against Jane's welted leg. She let out a high pitched moan. "I'm not sure what to do with her."

Cracking the whip it hit her again and she whimpered in a low gurgle, "More."

Jasper tenderly traced his hand over the skin that he just welted and turned to me again, "I haven't felt this way about a person..."

When he faltered with his words, I knew what he meant. He had not been so stimulated by a fucked-in-the-head-pain-player like this since he had met me. He wanted her as a vampire. He wanted Jane to be apart of our world.

My feelings were beginning to get hurt, "If you do this, Jasper, I will leave you. Kill her now or I leave."

Dropping to his knees in front of me, "Please, think of the fun the three of us could have! Don't you see what she would add to our faces of hell?"

"If you want her then you don't want me. I have never minded sharing you with a human that we are going to kill but I won't share you with another vampire."

Turning his eyes to the basement floor, his voice dropped to a mere whisper, "It's not right. I can't kill her."

Sighing, "Then let her go."

Hard like fucking steel, "Go upstairs, Alice."

I started shaking with the finality in his voice, "Don't, Jasper, please don't."

His voice became molten fucking steel over the hot coals, "Go. Up. The. Mother. Fucking. Stairs."

I ran up the stairs and Emmett caught me in his arms, "Whoa, Alice, baby, what's wrong?"

"He's... he wants to make her..."

I started bawling in Emmett's arms and he immediately understood. "Are you telling me that Jasper wants to change that wicked little bitch in the basement into one of us?"

Screaming into his burly arms, "YES!"

His thick hands shoved me our the way and he looked at Carlisle, "Awe fuck no. Come on, Carlisle, we gotta get down there before the idiot does something we will all regret."

They both ran down the stairs and Rosalie came to me timidly. "You know that I hate the power playing you two do. I wish you could be almost normal. Fuck, I understand that we're vampires but you two take this shit too far. How can you be shocked that he wants another woman to make a harem of twisted dolls?"

"No!" I was bawling red tears by this point, "You don't get it. He doesn't want her to replace me or be a second, he wants her because she's full of pain. He wants her..."

"Like I fucking said, to be your second in command for fucking and torturing. Alice, sweetie, you gotta see what sick fucker he is. I get that you dig the pain but you're not the leader in this game you play each Wednesday. We all know it's him."

"It's not! I thought of most of the tortures..." I hung my head and for the first time I was almost embarrassed by what we did.

Esme stood in the kitchen and watched us with her glaring eyes.

I sniffled to Rosalie, "I need to go and see."

"No you don't. Keep your ass here and I'll find out."

The blood tears spewed from my eyes as I thought of her seeing our dinner theatre in the basement.

*********

Staring at the remnants of our torture device hanging from the rafter of the basement, my eyes clouded as the red tears began to well. The present flooded me and I sprinted up the stairs into the kitchen. I could not take the images of Jasper with Jane anymore.

Esme was still in the kitchen, "Will you make up your mind, Alice? Do you want to stay here or not?"

"Why are you asking me this question?" I was about to burst into blood tears and did not have the patience for her interrogation.

"I need to know if you are going to stay with us."

"I didn't plan on leaving."

Nodding her head at me, she ventured into the lecture I have heard several times. "Carlisle works for the FBI. He knows what you and Jasper did. You were on a rampage and caused the suffering and death for thousands of women for almost seventy years. Until, you met us you never disposed of them properly. You both admitted that. I shudder to remember the story Carlisle told me about the house in Helena, Montana. A wall of dead women all rotting and decomposing... He accepted the behavior because he would rather know about it and monitor you both than have you roaming together and have the task-force, that searches for our kind, reinstated.

"He didn't have proof that the FBI hunted our kind but after the messes that you left from San Francisco to Baltimore, he knew that it was vampires and so did others."

Angry, I ignored her. I knew what it meant. She wanted to let me know, again, about how Carlisle saved all vampire asses from our debauchery.

I was done with her for the day. I tried to mend our relationship and all she did was remind me of the most horrific day in my life.

Sighing, I went up the stairs. I knew that Edward was resting in my room. I suppose I should call it our room but it wasn't.

Edward didn't care about me. I saw him obsessing about that human girl. What a distorted fuck he was.

I was alone in a world of vampires that didn't understand me.

Opening the door his lean body was stretched across the bed with his arms locked behind his head. His shaggy brown hair was in a disarray around his angled face. I would want to fuck him if I wasn't a mess over Jasper memories.

Opening his eyes he sighed, "Just come and curl up on my chest. We'll talk tomorrow."

I collapsed onto the bed and did as he instructed.

**A/N: Ok Humans, I told you the rabbit hole was coming... did you fall into it and ask WTF? Did you say that you hate this story and will never read anything written by me again or did you dig it? Does anyone want to be apart of Jasper's twisted doll faces of hell harem?**

**Let Me Know!!! Please! Your reviews keep me hopeful that I'm not the only, um, one, out there wondering about what the hell real vamps would do.... And yes, I know that there are no 'real' vamps (at least the kind that don't die), just saying ;)**

**Bella is up next in chapter 7. **

**Thanks for reading freaks!**


	7. Twisted Communion

**Chapter 7 - Twisted Communion**

**A/N: If your sensitive to abuse then this chapter you might want to skip. Dark knights do arrive though so...**

**Also, I want to thank everyone for reviewing on Chapter 6. That was a rough one to write but I am ecstatic that others like the twisted world. There will be more scenes akin to that chapter.**

**Jade Bangle, Jade Bangle, hey, hey, hey, you rock ;) Thanks for the Beta Beatings.**

**BPOV:**

Sliding into bed, Mike's arm draped over my body and he pulled me closer to him. Grunting, he started to snore in my ear. I did not move a muscle. If I woke him up, he would be pissed.

What just happened with Edward?

Am I going to see him again?

I sure the fuck hoped so.

After class, I was going home to help my Mom paint my old bedroom. She was turning it into an office and thought that earth tones would look better on the walls than the sky blue color that was currently coating the walls.

She rambled to me for hours about the colors: mocha, rust, haystack, and others. I learned a long time ago to just let her talk. She would get it out of her system and we could move on to her next obsession.

My Dad was cop for the Portland Police Department.

Renee worked at a bakery.

They have been miserably married for years.

Sometimes it upset me that my own fucking father did not not not notice how Mike treated me. We went over there a few times a month.

My Dad liked Mike's father so I think he turned a blind eye to my relationship with him. The two of them would talk for hours about guns. Even though Mike did not have as much knowledge as his father about guns, growing up with the man, his knowledge was better than the average person.

I looked at Mike's face as he slept. I felt the tightness in my heart for him. God damn it, I did love him. I wish he could stop wailing on me.

Like any girl, I dreamed of my wedding day and I saw it being with him. Now I'm not sure what I am going to do.

I took my hand and brushed some his blonde hair off his forehead. The slight action made his eyes pop open and he grabbed my wrist in mid air.

"What the fuck, Bella?"

His fingers twisted tight on my skin and I yelped from the force.

"All I was doing was brushing a piece of your hair off of your forehead, honey."

"You fucking woke me up."

Stuttering, I started to shrink away from him and said, "I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't mean to wake you up."

Letting my wrist go, my other hand started rubbing the skin. I hope it did not bruise but I was almost positive it would. Fucking great, I was going to have to wear long sleeves until it healed. The blotchy red spots from his fingers were pulsing on my wrist. It would be a bruise in less than twenty minutes.

"Go make me breakfast. I'm hungry as fuck."

I scurried out of bed. It was now seven in the morning. I quietly started pulling out the pans to make him scrambled eggs and home-fries. I knew that any clanging noises would set him off and I could not take anymore punishments.

Popping his toast into the toaster my mind drifted to Edward. How could I not think of Edward? The guy blew into my life and onto my patio like some kind of super hero savior.

He threatened to kill Mike.

A little smile spread across my cracked lips. I saw the bottle of whiskey and wanted a shot. I did not need to start drinking this early in the morning so instead I took a hit off of the glass bowl. I had to escape the thoughts that were jammed in my mind.

Visions of Edward wrapping his slender fingers around Mike's thick neck and throttling the life out of him kept the smile on my face.

You are sick, Bella. You should not be fantasizing about Edward killing Mike but I was. And, I was enjoying every fucked up thought.

The next scenario was Edward taking his black belt off in front of the gagged Mike and beating him into a bloody pulp. Like a veal cutlet, he would beat on him with the black leather zinging through the air until he was nothing more than tenderized meat. I could hear the sharp thud of the belt as it sliced into Mike's skin.

Then I saw Edward taking his fists and relentlessly grinding his knuckles all over Mike's face until his eyes were swollen shut, his nose broken, his teeth gone.

The finale scene involved Edward's teeth. How fucking bizarre that I would see Edward taking his white, shinning teeth and biting into Mike over and over. I shuddered at that one. I should have shuddered at all the thoughts in my fucked brain but I kept on seeing Edward in the parking lot when he smiled.

Yes, I definitely wanted to see him again.

Lost in my dream world of Mike being killed by my dark knight I did not smell the toast burning. The fire alarm began to scream.

Oh no.

Now I was going to get it.

In slow motion, I saw Mike grabbing a chair from our two seat dining table. He ripped the smoke detector off the ceiling and slammed it onto the floor. It broke into several plastic chunks and let out one final wail of warning.

He jumped off of the chair, picked it up, and plowed it into the wall. One of the legs he was holding broke off and I saw the familiar glimmer of injurious glee enter his eyes. Looking at the chair leg, he started tossing it from hand to hand.

My instinct to run did not kick in. I should be jumping into my car and driving away but I was petrified and frozen. I shrank against the fridge and prayed that he would just break everything in the apartment and wear himself out. I was not going to be that lucky.

Calmly he walked to me, as the blood pounded under the skin of his face. He kept tossing the chair leg from hand to hand.

Ripping the plug to the toaster out of the electrical socket, he picked up the shinny silver machine and like a dart, threw it at me.

He yelled at me loud enough to make the tea pot rattle on the stove, "You can't even make toast, you loser bitch!"

I jumped out of the flying toasters path but it caught my left arm and the hot metal made contact with my skin.

I screamed, "Fucking hell," as he came charging towards me with his make shift bat. I slid to the kitchen floor, curled into the fetal position and tried to cover my face.

I knew that this could be my last moments on the earth. He was going to beat me with that chair leg until I could no longer move.

My thoughts went to Edward.

I had to escape the oncoming pain. I imagined him leaning into me and kissing my forehead. His lips were cool and soft against my skin.

There was a metallic scent to him. It was like dirt of the earth after a spring rain. I thought about kissing his neck, that slender neck with his bobbing adam's apple, and tasting his metallic flavor.

I placed myself into his arms and buried my head against his chest, which was actually the hard linoleum floor, as the first blow from Mike struck my upper right shoulder.

The force knocked the wind out of me and I started gasping. Then another blow and another and I could not catch my breath. I didn't feel the next few impacts on my lower spine because I curled harder into a ball and let my mind take over.

It was the first time I had gone thoroughly inside myself to hide from the destructiveness raging around me.

It also was the first time I knew that Mike would not stop beating me.

In my mind, Edward was on the balcony with me and holding me in his supportive arms. He was whispering something in my ear but I couldn't make out his words.

I twined my fingers into his wool coat and held onto him tightly. My nose was pressing into his chest so hard that I thought the bone would break. My eyes were squeezed shut and the tears that seeped through the slits of my eyes were soaking his grey t-shirt.

I mumbled into his his chest, "Don't leave me. Just hold me."

It felt like I was floating under water with the sound of the wooden stick swishing through the air. Like the lapping waves on the beach, each time the weapon hit me it immediately retracted and went swishing through the air.

"What the fuck?" I heard Mike grunt.

I didn't want to awake from my underwater oasis of being in Edward's arms.

Mike's panting voice growled, "Who the fuck are you?"

No! I don't want Edward to leave. I don't know how Mike was in my mind but I didn't want him to take Edward away from me. I wanted my metallic scented stranger to kill him. Edward had to save me from the limpness that was my life on the linoleum.

I floated deeper into the sensation of water and let the dark waves carry me into the middle of the ocean. There had to be an island. I was a survivor and would find the mystical place I could be with Edward.

I could only feel the cold kitchen floor and desperately tried to pretend it was Edward's chest.

Everything whirled away like dirty bath water down the drain and my world went dark.

****

I didn't know where I was but I felt the cool hands of a caring person poking and prodding my body. My eyes were swollen from the tears I shed earlier. Trying to lift my hands to rub my eyes, the cold set of hands grabbed my wrists.

"Don't move, Bella. You're injured and need to rest."

Peeling my eyes open, I squinted at the hazy figure before me. I wheezed in air because I knew it was official; I had lost my mind.

The outline of the man looked like Edward. There was no way he could be caring for my wounds.

I squeezed my eyes shut and took long struggling breaths fighting against my lungs defiance.

"Do you need water?"

Oh no, fuck me, it was Edward. There was no mistaking the articulate sound of the words falling out of his mouth.

I licked my dry lips and wanted, fucking needed, the water that he just offered me. Timidly I tried to open my eyes again. I know that Mike didn't pound my face but I ground it into the hard floor. It was the only way to prevent the chair leg from finding my cheek bone.

I probably injured my face more than he would have... um, no, never mind. He would have fed my face to a starving dog this morning. The rage that was flying from him like a demon on coke.

"I'll take that as yes. I will be right back."

When I felt the movement off the bed, I made my eyes open and saw the black jeans and grey shirt from my mirage on the kitchen floor.

It was Edward. He was here.

Where was Mike?

How did Edward know that I needed him?

I snapped my eyes shut when I heard him reenter the bedroom. I was so confused. This didn't make any sense. Things like this didn't happen in my world.

I was delusional in thinking that he was my savior and yet, here he is and Mike is no where to be heard.

I was trembling from the anticipation of suffering more heavy handed hits when Mike returned home. This time my face would not be saved.

I would have to leave the city. Fuck that, I would have to leave the state of Maine and file a restraining order to be safe.

As helpful as Edward probably thought he was being, he didn't know the hell he just rained onto my life by saving me from death.

I wanted to cry but I was too dehydrated.

"Bella, open your eyes."

Stubbornly, I refused his request.

"I don't want to spill this water down your chin. Open your eyes so you know that a glass is about to touch your lips for you to sip. You can immediately close them again if you want."

Always bullheaded, I didn't do as he requested and felt the glass cup touch my lips.

"Fine, if you won't listen to me, at least crack your lips so I can get some fluids into your system."

I heard the concern in his voice and it confused me even more.

Why the fuck did this guy care about me and my hydration? He just caused my lunatic lover to want me dead. Part of me wanted to scream, 'Thank you Mr. Saviour. Now, if you don't mind leaving so my possessive boyfriend can finish pounding me into the black and blue _puddle of death_ that he so desires, I'd appreciate getting this show on the road.'

"Isabella Swan."

How did he know my full name and why did his tone sound chastising?

"You will open your eyes right now."

I could smell his metallic coolness everywhere in the room. His voice was as frigid as his touch but there was something warm, like sheet metal in the sun, that flowed under his sternness.

For the first time in years, I was comfortable in my own bed. No matter what would happen after I opened my eyes, in this moment, I found peace that most suffer through life to find.

Fluttering my swollen eyes open, I saw Edward leaning over me with the glass of water near my lips. I tried to reach for the glass and a searing pain jolted from my shoulder to my lower spine.

Whimpering I let the tears begin to roll down my cheeks and saw Edward's face contort into... well, it looked like a demon from the movie, The Devil's Advocate.

It's as though his skin was putty and could distort itself into the gruesome shape of my whimper.

Shaking his head and dropping his eyes to my shoulder he said, "I would never do this if it wasn't necessary but I'm not sure if you'll live."

My scared eyes watched his face gain control and morph back into his angled features. Did I have a morphine drip?

This kind of stuff didn't happen in my world. It was my mantra of the day.

Trying to form the words against my dry vocal chords, "What are you talking about?"

He took his hand and caressed my face. His hands were so brisk like the first winds of autumn and felt incredible. Like a kitten, I tried to push my face harder into his hand.

"Bella, what am I going to do with you?"

I closed my eyes while his hand stroked my cheek. I didn't care what he did with me. He had saved me from the one person I never thought I could be freed from. He could kill me right now and I would be content. I didn't know where Mike was and it did not matter with Edward at my side.

"That's right. Rest your mind. I told you I would kill him."

Huh? Mumbling against his thumb that started to trace my bottom lip, "No, no, no, you don't know what you're saying..."

My tongue reached out and licked the top of his thumb. It was instinctive. I couldn't move to touch him but damn, I wanted to taste him.

He did not pull his hand away and continued to trace my lip with his thumb while his other fingers caressed my cheek.

"I do know what I'm saying and I'm fucking telling you that he's never going to harm you again. Take a drink of this water and rest. I'm staying here with you until you do not need me anymore. My hopes are that with a few aspirin, maybe a Vicodin, and some rest you'll be put back together. I'm not a doctor. I do not know how bad the wounds are but I know that they are deep and that there's internal bleeding."

Cracking my eyes open I saw the concern on his face. If I could have thrown myself against his chest and buried myself into his arms, I would have but I was trapped in my aching body. I couldn't even sit up.

His lips curved into his pressed lip smile as he gently slid two pills into my mouth and raised the glass of water to my lips.

"Take these pills, drink this water, and rest. You have nothing to worry about now that I am here."

I believed him.

Swallowing the pills, I sipped the water and felt them glide down my esophagus. Something tasted off, like the metallic scent I knew was Edward's.

Glancing at the cup of water it was in a solid blue glass. What did he give me to drink? I know it was to thin to be juice but damn, something tasted like pennies.

"I added zinc to the water so that your body will not catch a cold on top of what we are already combating with your injures."

I smiled and was insanely happy that Mike beating the fuck out of me brought Edward to my bedside. I was giddy that he didn't smash my face so I could smile at Edward.

"Rest your mind, Bella. It's time to sleep."

Before I closed my eyes, I saw the concern creep into the corner of his brown eyes that were tinted with a vague red.

He looked feral in his attempts to hide his disgust over my state. I knew that Mike was dead or was about to become dead.

I also knew that Edward was somehow mine now. A meeting at a bar, a moment on a balcony, me screaming for him mentally in my delusional mind to save me, and now he was never going to leave.

The mess that I called my body was fighting me. I could feel everything inside of me torn apart and understood Edward's concern.

I was going to be fine. Whatever pills he gave me were working their way into my system. Yes, this was happening in my world and I was being reborn. My dark night had saved me from death.

**A/N: I think we all see where this is heading. Edward is going to join us in the next chapter.**

**Thanks for reading and please review!**


	8. Communion Lingers

**Chapter 8 - Communion Lingers**

**A/N: It's time for Edward to explain how he knew what was happening to Bella. It is also time to find out a bit of Edward's past.**

**Oh Jade Bangle Baby, you are my lighting and thunder and all things to frightening. Thanks for the beta loving.**

**EPOV**

Alice pulled her cool body against mine and rested her head on my chest. I could hear her. She was not doing a good job of blocking her thoughts.

Fucking Christ, that was some wicked shit she was thinking and I started to get a boner. Fucking dick's reaction to chicks being slaughtered...

I ran my hand over her short hair and wanted to burp because I had heartburn from Paul. I should have known better than to drink the smelly fuck but I had to kill the bastard.

It was Paul or Mike.

It was Mike or Bella.

I knew that my control was not strong enough around Bella to resist snapping her neck and drinking her blood like a pixie stick. I mean, I could literally snap off her head, pick her body up, and shake it over my mouth while I drained the sweet tartness out of her.

Alice made a tiny moan. I know she never slept and when she did, it was a constant Jasper rerun in her mind. Like the mind-boggling reruns that people watch over and over, she would relive every second with him.

Who was I to bitch about Alice? I was dealing with my own soap-opera-high-school bullshit.

I could not close my fucking eyes without seeing Bella.

That is something more than fucked, it is out of the fucking universe with its stupidity.

What was I going to do? Hop on her balcony at four am each night and hope she would be out there so I could get catch a faint scent of her?

I should just move in beneath her if I was going to continue randomly jumping on her balcony and scaring the fucking skin off her.

Last night she was paler than me, under the cloud covered sky with the light from her porch shinning against the swirling snow. She was shaking and it was not from my touch. I could hear her thinking about Mike. She wanted to peek into the bedroom window to make sure he was not stirring. And why would that bother her? Oh yeah, because that worthless sack of shit beats the fucking hell out of her.

If I never saw Bella again, I would still make him die; nice and slow.

I should give him to Alice as a departing present. I cannot stay in this town for much longer. That is a given in your life, Edward. You have to get the hell out of here and soon.

I had a good meal and could travel far away from Maine or anywhere in this hemisphere. I would run at night and sleep in the damn twigs and leaves during the day.

Fuck, I was really starting to hate twigs and leaves.

I disliked running during the day, even though I could do it if I had too. The whole, we reflect like a mirror thing, makes me paranoid that I am going to be chased by the ones that know about us.

They are all over and get off on hunting us like Alice and Jasper doing their evil dance with a chick.

Alice was twisted with her preferred killing style. I shivered at the creature I was holding. I was digging her until I met Bella.

Even her fucking name rolled off my tongue like I had been saying it for years. That's what she was making me feel. I wanted to be with her for years.

At that exact moment, I was flooded with her images from Bella's mind. They were so powerful, I held my breathe to make sure I was not having an attack of some sort.

I had heard about the mental attacks our kind could experience. No, I wasn't having a mental breakdown, it was Bella fucking reaching out to me.

She was hiding herself inside of thoughts about me...

The pain under my scalp started to pound. I was foggy from the drugged blood of Paul but I had to focus.

I never heard someone unless I was near them. I had to be in a close proximity to them, but I knew that Bella was well over five miles away.

This was not a breakdown.

This was Bella calling for me to save her from the tidal wave crashing around her.

Gently rolling Alice off my chest, I sat up and grabbed my hair. I pulled it hard against my skull. Something was happening to me.

Images of black and blue began running though my mind. Black and blue was how Alice wanted me to fuck. She wanted her eyes to bulge out of her head as my fist and cock pounded into her willing body. She wanted my fingerprints to be tattoos on her body. Fuck, I couldn't comply to that shit. That was too freaky.

Concentrate Edward. What was happening?

Then I saw the skeletal bones of Bella dancing before me and almost threw up Paul's skunk weed, cheap beer, laden blood.

I could not see her face because the visions changed. She was a shinning light. My eyes throbbed through my closed lids and I shut out all the interfering noise to focus on Bella.

She was screaming for me. With every bit of her cores strength she was screaming... for me.

She was being hit, repeatedly, by Mike.

I knew that she was not feeling the blows because she was burrowing into my mind.

She was burying herself inside of me to die.

What. The. Fuck.

In a blur of killing fury, I jumped up from the bed and flew out the window.

I heard Alice toss a mental dagger at me, 'Do not go to that human, Edward!'

'Fuck you, Alice,' I thought back knowing that she wouldn't hear me.

I started to feel where Mike was hitting her. I fucking felt some kind of bat or baton hitting my shoulders, back, hip bones... Fuck! He was going to kill her.

I tried to call into her mind that I was coming for her. All I heard were her mental screams, calling for me to save her. She was begging for me to bring her peace.

I did not like the idea of Bella being in peace while Mike tried to kill her. Trying to keep the connection we had somehow forged, I felt like I was her escape. She was burying herself into me so she could not feel the pounding jolts that rocked her delicate human body.

"Stay with me Bella," I thought into her mind. I doubted that she heard me but I was almost to the apartment.

Here is the fucked up thing, I was feeling her pain. I felt it all. I even knew that he damaged her lower spine with his blows and that she would die if I did not intervene.

The thought paralyzed me.

Forcing myself to continue my lightening run, I was almost there when I felt her almost give up. She was floating away from the world and was letting her failing body, beaten and definitely broken, loose the fight.

God damn it Bella. Hold on. I'm almost there...

I didn't waste time being formal. I jumped onto her balcony and kicked open the door. If this were a funnier situation, I would think that kicking in doors was becoming my signature move. First at Paul's and now at Bella's. This door was glass though, so it was almost delightful to watch it shatter, like the life I was about to end.

Mike was so engrossed in killing Bella that he didn't notice me, even with the shattering glass. That pissed me off. My perfect entrance was ruined by him.

He will die.

Then I heard the giggling voice behind me.

I did not take my eye off Mike because he had to stop hitting Bella.

Finally, the big oaf looked up and mumbled some lame human comment.

I growled, in his face, with my canines fully exposed, and said, "Drop the fucking stick, Mikey."

He raised his arm like he could hit me with the stick. The thought was comical. If he tried to harm me, the stick would splinter into thousands of slivers, unless he hit the one area that we were soft. Like a babies head when it is born, we have one soft spot on our bodies. It is over our hearts.

This ignorant fuck did not know that. Focus, Edward.

Growling at him, "I said, drop the fucking stick."

That was all it took.

He dropped the stick and pissed himself. Damn, I was on a run today of men pissing themselves from my anger. I never took the time to see what I looked like to a human when I was causing their death. I knew that people saw me as death but what the fuck does that look like?

I jumped into his mind and saw myself through his eyes. Well, fuck me, I'd piss myself too if I were human.

To Mike, I looked like the main killer from Hell-razor. The one with all the nails sticking out of his bald, white, head.

I never wore leather, I didn't have the face of a fifty year old and I was not bald. Damn, maybe that was a bad idea to see what he saw. I was hoping for a lion, or some shit.

What he thought I looked like enraged me. I wanted to rip his jugular from his fat neck. But no, his death would not be that kind.

Sarcastically I asked, "Is that you behind me, Alice?"

She chirped back, "And who else would it be? I saw what was going to happen and I had to join. You know that I could not let a party like this pass me by?"

Almost screeching at her, I never dropped the Mike's eyes, "You better get Mikey out of here while I have control."

"Oh yes. You cannot loose control with him. I'll take him home, to the basement."

She flitted to his side and grinned her gruesome smile. Fuck, she was wicked.

Alice looked at me and her smile was gone as she said, "I'm not happy about the turn of events. I liked having you in our home."

She was not going to have a breakup conversation with me while Bella was dying on the floor.

She started again, "I mean, I like you, Edward. I like you a lot more than I thought I could. I get that you have a thing for the human on the floor but you know that you will not wind up with her. I see that. You know that."

Ignoring her conversation, "Take him to the basement. Do what you know how to do best. Shortly, I will be home to help."

Her voice was miserable, "You will not be home soon. I see that too." Turning to Mike she said, "And I am going to make you pay for making that human twat so desirable to Edward. Do you hear me pissing boy? I do not like to kill men because they are pussies. You better stay awake while I cheese grader your ass or I am going to make your death last for fucking days. Do you hear me?"

Even in her anger, her voice was smooth like velour. I would not have believed her if I did not know that damage she could do.

"Thank you, Alice."

"Whatever. I'll drag this one home and start the fun. It won't be the same without someone to feast and... Never mind. I'll take him home and get it going for you. It has been months since I have done this though, so don't be gone long. I do not know how long I can hold out the urge to strangle him while I shove a dildo up his ass."

I doubled over in laughter at the sight of Mikes face, "Oh yeah Mikey, you fucked up the wrong girl today.

"She's not your girl.

"She's mine.

"I will kill you for hurting her. I will peel your skin off with a dull pair of scissors and gag your mouth so no one, not even me, can hear your high pitched wails. Trust me, I want to hear you wail, but only for a few minutes. You are to fucking whiney to listen to for hours."

Alice grabbed a pair of car keys off of the counter, "Come on Mikey. Let us go and play. You'll taste like a hot dog, but that is alright. Compromises have to be made for a..." looking at me she dropped her eyes, "for a friend."

I was already on the floor with Bella and didn't respond. It was best for Alice to get over our fling right now.

The door shut and I assessed Bella.

Jesus.

Her small hands were gripping the back of her head. They were wrapped in her thick strands of brown.

Her face was flush to the ground.

I do not think she could move out of the position she was in because her back was contorted. Her legs were curled into her chest with her feet locked around one another.

She looked like the letter C with the way she was tucked together as tightly as her body would allow.

Her broken voice cried in a muffle, "No, don't take Edward..."

Me?

I did hear her correctly in my mind. She was calling for me.

I started pacing around her kitchen. What the fuck was I supposed to do? If I picked her up I might kill her.

If I left her on the floor she would be dead soon.

Fuck!

Ok, deep breath, what can I do? That's the best question. What the fuck can I do to help her? I should take her to a hospital but then they would question who did this. I could leave her at the front door but I do not trust the care she would be provided.

I could say that I am a friend but who would believe that? No one knows me in this city. Her friends might remember me as the 'fuckable guy' from the bar but then they would question where Mike was and why I was with her.

The hospital is out of the question and that leaves one other option.

I flipped open my cell phone and called the only other vampire that I talked too besides the Cullen household.

Her voice was ice, as always, "Hello."

Dryly I replied, "Hi Victoria."

"And to what do I owe the pleasure of your voice?"

Rolling my eyes, I gripped my cell phone hard against my ear. The last time I talked to her, I broke the phone and I did not have that luxury today. I also did not have the patience for her games, "I need you to answer a question for me."

Sighing into the phone, her voice stung my ears, "Edward, why do you bother calling? You are the one that left me and my guidance. When you call to ask me a question all you do is hurt my feelings."

"You're a big girl. Get over it. Are you going to help me? For fuck sake, Victoria, I call you like once every two years."

"And it is always for the same reason. You always whine that I never taught you enough."

I said the only word that she could never resist, "Please."

Sighing deeper, "Oh fine, what do you need to know?"

"I have a human that is hurt but I don't want to change them. What can I do?"

The thrill in her voice disgusted me, "It is a female?"

"Don't Victoria. Just answer the question."

"Oh! It is a female. How predictable of you, Edward. Is she beautiful?"

Yes. "That's has nothing to do with what's going on. What can I do?"

"Let me know about her. Is she young? Is she healthy? Does she smell intoxicating? Is that why you do not want to change her? Will you remorse in loosing her scent? You know that is how I felt about changing you. I missed your scent once you were mine."

Grinding my teeth, "Please. I am losing time."

"Oh! She is that close to death? Can you smell her flower fading? It is the saddest scent, a withering human..."

Now that she mentioned it I did not smell Bella as strongly as I should have for being this close to her. Fuck.

"Are you still there, Edward, or are you smelling the air for your finale drink of her on the wind?"

"I do not think I can say it again, Victoria."

"One more time and I will tell you what to do."

Gripping my jaw muscles the word sputtered out of my mouth, "Please."

"That was not as fun as I had hoped. Maybe we can see one another soon. I have missed you."

"VICTORIA!" I roared into the phone.

"Fine, fine, fine you impatient infant. You are damn lucky I changed you. You know that only vampires changed by women have the gifts of healing and conversion. What you need to do is give her no more than three to seven drops of your blood. You can mix it with whatever food or drink you like. If she is almost dead, you can take some blood and rub it along her gum line. If it is worse than that you can always cut her, cut you, and directly put your blood to hers. What is her status?"

Exhaling a breathe that my lungs cried to be released, I knew I had time for this remedy, "She was beaten badly."

"Ew, I would hate to be the person that beat her. Your retribution will snuff their life out of them."

She had no fucking clue what was going to happen to Mike. Victoria thought she was evil but she was a saint compared to Alice.

"I don't know if I should move her off of the ground."

"Then take some of your blood and rub it on her gums. When you think the injuries are healing, move her to a safe location. Wait for her to wake. It should only be a few moments since your blood will already be running through her like glucose for a diabetic."

"You are sure this will not change her?"

Groaning into the cell phone, "Why do you never trust me?"

"Fine, I trust you. How many drops on the gums?"

"If you plan on giving her enough to move her, I would guess two. If she is as young and beautiful as I would imagine to capture your care then two should be fine. When she is awake give her food or fluid with the remaining five. Only do this if you think she needs them. If not, give her one at time and see how she reacts... Why not change her, Edward?"

"Goodbye Victoria."

"Well, I guess our conversation is over. Why must we always end on bitter notes?"

I took about four deep breaths before I could speak, "We are not ending on a bitter note. I told you I would never change a human. I also know that in small doses we are not lethal. Thank you for talking to me. I need to tend to the human now."

"You know that my phone, home, fangs... they are all open for you, Edward."

I hung the phone up before she begged me to return 'home'.

Slicing open my wrist, I dropped two cool drops of the red liquid onto my pointer finger. Sitting on the floor next to Bella, I tried to pry her one hand away from her hair.

I did this in the wrong order. I should have untangled her clenched body and then sliced my wrist.

Licking the blood off my finger, I took both of my hands and worked to free her knotted fingers from her hair.

As gently as I could manage, I lifted her head off the kitchen floor. Once I had an open path to her mouth I sliced open my wrist, again, and dropped a few drips onto my finger.

Softly I rubbed the liquid onto her gums and within seconds her body relaxed from its rigor mortis pose.

The relief was overwhelming. This might work.

Blinking her swollen eyes rapidly she looked at me, "Edward? Why are we not under water?"

Her mind was swirling and I did not understand her thoughts. Just like our first meeting at the bar, and then on her balcony, I could not hear what her mind was screeching to say.

I would worry about that later. Right now, I had to get her off of the floor and into her bed.

When I lifter her into my arms she bellowed a loud, jolting moan.

She would need all seven drops for her to heal.

**A/N: Awe... Oh, come on! He had to save her and of course smear some healing blood on her gums. Bella does not remember this part and only notices some metal tasting water but hey, she is still alive... As for Mikey, we are going to have to wait a chapter or two for his fun time with Alice.**

**Bella is up next. She has some explaining to do and we are going to learn more about Jake. Woot Woot!**

**Thanks for reading.**


	9. Linguring Questions

**Chapter 9 – Lingering Questions**

**A/N: This chapter is subdued compared to the last few chapters. Jake shows up and brings back some earlier seeds planted in the beginning of the story.**

**Oh Jade… between your computer crashing and mine DYING… thanks for helping me through a trying past few days, and as always, your beta loving.**

**BPOV**

I was healed.

Healed.

Edward stood before me and handed me the bowl of chicken soup. Everything was foggy. Hell, it was more than foggy; it was a fucking demolition in my mind.

The alarm clock blinked its red lights. It was six in the evening. Fuck! Where was Mike? Why was Edward here?

Why was I not hurting from the pounding I took this morning?

Why was I not dead?

Why did I feel so wonderful like I took a million vitamin C and killed the cold before it began?

My eyes darted to my wrist. That was the start of my lovely day, my wrist being accosted by Mike. There was no bruise…

I set the soup down on my bed stand and lifted my shirt. I did not care that Edward was standing in front of me.

My eyes frantically searched for the evidence of the pain I know I felt this morning. There was nothing but my skins normal color.

I should have had postage stamps of bruises all over my pale flesh but I was fine.

Well, I was as fine as I could be but I knew that the end of my life was near when Mike got home.

Mike… where was and why was Edward in my bedroom?

What the fuck?

Edward started speaking. "Bella, you had a horrible morning. I let you sleep several hours. I took the liberty to answer your phone because there were several calls all day long. I did not think that you would want people visiting tonight so I started answering the calls. I recommend calling your Mother first. I told everyone that you were feeling ill. I suggest that you maintain the story."

He answered my phone? Fuck! He wanted me to die. Mike was going to kill us both.

He handed me the phone.

"You need to eat your soup," he said with his dastardly smile.

"Where is Mike?" I asked as I took my phone. Licking my cracked lips, I almost yelped at the violent change in his face.

"You should call your Mother."

His face was back to normal and I tried to smile. I should be kinder to him considering that he saved my life.

"Edward, I don't mean to be a bitch. I am confused. I don't understand how I am not damaged or dead."

"I got here in time."

Shaking my head, I flipped open my cell phone and saw all the missed calls. "How did you know that I needed you?"

He didn't answer me. Instead he stood by the side of my bed, leaned down, and kissed my forehead.

I lifted my face and caught the glow of his warm brown and red eyes. God damn I loved the color of his eyes.

Ignoring the desire to stay locked in his gaze, I said each word with slow deliberation, "Where is Mike?"

Sternly, he replied, "I will have this conversation with you one time if you promise to never ask me about that fucking jerk again. Deal?"

I nodded.

Edward said, "I want to hear you say that you agree to never ask me about him again."

God, he was being a prick, "Yes, Edward, I agree to never ask you about my missing boyfriend again after this conversation."

He did not release my eyes when he said, "You are never going to see him again. No one is for that fact."

I whispered, "Did you kill him?"

Cocking his head to the side, his eyes felt like they were cloaking my mind with a wet blanket, "Do you care?"

Good question, "No."

"Then let's not worry about the specifics. You are safe. You will never be in harm's way again as long as I'm around."

Still whispering, "I want you to stay."

He didn't smile but his eyes did, "Make your phone calls. I will give you some privacy. If you need me I will be in the family room."

I almost leaped out of the bed, "You can stay."

His lean figure turned from the doorway, "Make the calls, Bella. I am right here."

The slow embers of peace took root in my stomach and I felt them begin to burn through my being.

He was here and not leaving.

I called my Mom and apologized about not going over to help her paint. She started prattling on about how she never picked the color but still missed seeing me. I did not want her to ask who Edward was so I kept it short and told her I would be over tomorrow.

The next call was to Jessica. She did not call because she cared. She called because everyone else wanted to know where I was. If she could get the gossip first, that was her priority.

"Ewe! Did you have that stomach flu?"

"Yup."

"OK, get better and call Angela. I had to wrestle her from going over to your apartment and making sure you were alright. She is such a spaz."

We hung up and I dialed Ben.

"Where were you today?"

"I was sick."

Ben paused, "Who answered your phone?"

Fuck, "An old friend."

"Oh yeah? Where is Mike?"

Double fuck, "He ate breakfast and left this morning. I have not seen him since."

"Hmm."

"Do you have something to say?"

"Really, Bella, after I heard that other guy answer the phone I wanted to make sure you were alright."

Now I understood. Ben knew that Mike would kill me if I ever left him for another man. He was worried about my wellbeing. Mike did not deserve friends like Ben that tolerated his bullshit.

"Oh."

"Get better and I will see you in class tomorrow."

Calling Ang was the easiest, "I have been asleep all day. Sorry I missed you call."

"Whoa! Back up. Who in the hell answered your phone?"

"Let's not have this conversation right now. I promise to tell you everything later."

"Oh hell no! You are going to tell me right the fuck now who that sexy voice belonged too! Where in the hell is Mike?"

"I don't know. He left this morning and Edward saw me at the store getting cold medicine. I was super weak so he helped me home."

"Edward, as in Edward from the bar? Holy shit! Mike is going to flip…"

I cut her off, "I need more sleep Ang. I will talk to you later."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. You be safe. I'd hate to see Mike get 'upset' at you over Edward."

"We got into a big fight this morning. I'm not sure if he will ever be back."

"Oh, Honey! Do you need me to come over instead of some strange dude?"

I smiled into the receiver, "No."

I started to flip through my text messages. There were several from Jake but the latest few said,

_U k?_

_Where u at?_

_Srsly, u k?_

_Im comn ovr._

The last text was sent about fifteen minutes ago. Fuck!

I jumped out of bed and tossed on my terry cloth robe. Sprinting out of my bedroom, I almost collided with Edward. He wrapped me into his arms and said, "What's wrong?"

Shaking in his arms, I replied, "My friend Jake is heading over to check on me."

Shrugging his shoulders, he said, "So?"

I didn't have an answer. It didn't matter to Edward if a guy was coming over. It was obvious that something was happening between the two of us but he was not Mike. He was not going to use my body for boxing practice because I had a male friend.

"So… nothing I suppose."

He ran his hands up and down my back, "It will take some time to adjust to not being worried about who your friends with. I will never hurt you, Bella. You have the free will to do what you please. Even if you told me to leave, right now, I would go."

Pulling back from his embrace I looked at his face, "No! I mean, I just…"

He smiled and leaned close to my lips. Holy fuck, we were going to kiss. Tediously slow he came towards me. I licked my lips and wished for Chap Stick.

I was breathing in a hiccupped staccato. Moving my head towards him, we were like two clouds about to collide in the sky.

When his cool lips found my eager mouth, for a blissful moment I felt the strength and smoothness of his body press against me.

I opened my lips to beg for his tongue to swirl with mine when the banging on the door began.

"BELLA!"

I sighed a defeated moan and said, "That's Jake."

"Yes, I do believe it would be Jake. I will get the door."

Dropping his arms from my waist, he strode away from me to the front door. I had to catch my footing as I entered the kitchen. My legs were shaking from the impact of kissing Edward.

Jake's loud voice cut through my instant replay of the kiss…

"Where is she and who in the hell are you?"

"Nice to meet you too, Jake. My name is Edward."

"BELLA?"

I replied, "I'm in the kitchen."

He came skidding around the corner and almost slammed into me. Steadying himself, he grabbed my shoulders. Over his shoulder, I saw Edward snarl. His face almost did the fucked up devil morph thing, again.

Jake was appraising me so I tried to put on my best 'sick face.'

His voice was concerned, "You were not in class today and you didn't answer your texts. I was worried when Jessica and Angela said they had not heard from you. I know that ass of a boyfriend has a way of, well…"

"I'm fine, Jake. I was sick, that's all."

His forehead crinkled, "You don't look sick…"

"They call it a twenty-four hour flu for a reason."

Then I saw his nostrils start to flair.

He dropped his hands from my shoulders and turned to Edward. "No fucking way."

My eyes shot to Edward. What was Jake talking about? "Jake!" I slapped his shoulder.

Turning back to me, "How do you know this guy? What is he doing here? Can't you smell his stench? Jesus, do you know what you have got yourself into?"

Stunned, I stood there as he took his hand, flipped my hair off of my shoulders, and started looking at my neck.

Edward said, "I didn't bite her. What are you?"

Jake stomped from me to Edward, "Who the fuck are you to ask me who I am? Your kind are not welcome in this town. Get the fuck out!"

With a tone of boredom, Edward said, "I will let my hosts know that you don't appreciate their presence. I am in transient and happened to land in this niche of the world. I was not planning on staying long."

No! He could not mean that… I had no clue what Jake and Edward were talking about but he cannot leave me…

"Good. Does she know?" Jake shoved his thumb towards me.

Casually, he said "No. She is unaware."

Spitting his words in Edwards face, "You better tell her or I will."

Edward rolled his eyes, "I'm surprised you haven't blurted it out for the entire apartment complex to hear."

"I should," Jake spat.

In his eloquent mannerisms Edward replied, "She is not in harm. I do not convert humans."

Humans… why did he say it like he wasn't one?

Pacing between Edward and I Jake said, "I have to tell my Dad. He is going to be raging pissed that your kind is in town. How many of you are there?" He was running his hands over his face.

Shrugging his shoulders, again, Edward said, "There are six of us. The other five have the permanent residence."

Slapping his knees, Jake yelled, "Shut the fuck up! How long have they been here?"

"A little over a year."

"Awe man, my dad is going to lose his dinner when he hears this shit."

Jake turned to me, "You should come with me but I bet he's claimed you. I am going to call you in one hour and this fucker better tell you what he is. I will tell you how to kill him if you need too."

I stuttered, "Jake! What are you rambling about?"

"Trust me. You do not want to know but he has an obligation to tell you. He has to tell you if he claimed you. Isn't that right fucker?"

Claimed me?

Edward said, "Yes, that is correct or something akin to your rational. I planned on telling her. What about you, Jake? What are you to know my kind immediately?"

"It's a tribal thing. My whole tribe chases your kind around the world to keep that freaking psychosis away. We had an outbreak in Canada a few years ago but everything's been calm. Now that I know your around, we could have a whole shit storm of psychosis outbreaks."

Edward nodded his head like he understood and for fuck sake, I did not.

Jake kissed the top of my head, "Answer your phone in one hour."

I nodded.

As Jake headed to the front door, Edward said, "Thank you for trusting that I will not kill her. I have no intention of harming her."

"Yeah, I see that shit."

When the door slammed shut I almost fell over onto the kitchen floor. Vague memories from this morning lurked in my mind.

"Bella, let us sit down. Your friend has put a time frame on me telling you about myself. So, we need to talk."

I followed his lead and sat on the couch. I was not prepared for another bomb to drop in my mind but I did not want to lose Edward. Whatever he was going to tell me, it could not be that earth shattering.

**A/N: So, Jake knows that Edward is a vampire but cannot 'save' Bella because Edward 'claimed' her. We will return to this in a few chapters.**

**Up next are Alice and Jasper… yikes! This chapter was a soothing lullaby compared to what's going to happen in chapter 10.**

**Please review and thank you for reading.**


	10. Questions about Departure

**Chapter 10 - Questions about Departure**

**A/N: WARNING! This is for a MA audience ONLY and if you do not want to meet a very sadistic Alice and Jasper then skip it completely. I'm serious peeps, this is mighty fucked up.**

**This is the first part to feasting and fucking. There is _rape, torture, and all around Bacchus self indulgence_. **

**This is not for the light of heart. It's the House of a Thousand Corpses but vampire style…**

**Please remember though, Alice and Jasper are my interpretation of downright and dirty vampires.**

**I figured we had enough fluff with the last two chapters and it was time for Alice and Jasper to come out and play.**

**APOV:**

You have to be kidding me. I was driving the van that Mike told me was his. I put my eye command on him so he had to follow my directions. He was totally lame. How could Edward like that girl, Bella, when she was with this creep?

I would have fun hanging him from my toy and slicing him with my fangs.

"Where are you taking me?" He asked in a shaking voice.

"Oh, to my torture chamber."

"Bitch, I am being serious!" He yelled at me

Wait, he yelled at me? What an audacious prick!

I backhanded him.

He yelped.

I laughed.

"Don't fuck with a hardcore bitch you pussy and you don't want to piss me off this early in the game."

Slurping his blood into his mouth from the fat lip I gave him, "You psycho. What the hell is going on?"

"You like to beat on people and so do I. The difference is that you will die. Does that make you mad, Mike? Are you upset that a doll like me will kill your ass?"

"Who in the hell are you people?"

"We are the masochists that live in Maine."

"Huh?"

I ignored him for the rest of the drive home. What were we to do with Mike?

What was I supposed to do about Edward?

He had made his choice, that human, Bella. I was out of the game now. I sure as shit saw that in the future.

He was falling in love with the human.

She better watch her back, or rather Edward better watch her back. She reminded me of a brunette version of one of mine and Jasper's play dates at the dinner theatre...

It was a Wednesday and Jasper picked up a lovely little fountain drink for us.

I was salivating at the bar when he started flirting with her. She was average height, lean and blonde. Her lips were full and her breasts small. I was surprised that Jasper choose one with smaller breasts, usually he liked them with a C cup or larger. Small, tight bodied, girls were my favorite meal.

Once we got home, we rushed her into the basement. We were the only ones that ever used the basement in the mansion of a house.

I heard Jasper begin. He was tearing her clothing off in his favorite fashion, with a butchers knife.

He would start with the shirt. Usually he liked shirts with buttons because he could pop each one off as he slid the huge and cold blade along their stomach. Once the material was torn, he would start on one leg of their pant legs. He thought skirts were to easy and always choose chose a woman wearing pants. The heavy blade would cut through one pant leg up their calf and then their thigh.

At this point the woman would be pleading, utterly fucking begging for him to stop. Some of them would start to pray.

Tonight the woman was hysterically crying and asking Jesus to forgive her for her sins. She started saying the Lords Prayer which made the desire to fuck her stronger.

This little girl didn't know where Jasper came from and how anyone asking God for his help turned him on.

He was the son of a Preacher and purposely sought the underbelly of society. He searched for the occult and the mythical beings that existed. That's how he became a vampire.

He stumbled upon Aro, an ancient of our kind. Aro wanted Jasper to be his apprentice and bring him blood. Jasper did that for a few years and watched as the horrible Aro victimized and tortured all of his prey. Before Jasper became a vampire he was allowed to play with the humans. He developed a lust for the blood and pain before he was changed. Once he was a vampire there was no return from the malicious devouring of blood.

Jasper mocked her, "Oh, Our Father who art in Heaven, hollowed be thy name! Thy kingdom come thy will be done and never save the little lamb! Because the monster is at your door. Knocking and knocking to play some more!" His voice was wild and his eyes frantic for her fear.

The girl started crying harder and stopped reciting the Lords Prayer.

"Oh, now Darling, don't hide your faith. Don't stop asking for some horses from heaven to come and save you from the Neverland of my teeth!"

He took his fangs and dug them into the knee of the screaming woman while she stood there with the remnants of her clothing hanging off of her like ribbons.

After getting a quick fix of her blood, he turned to me and said, "Alice, can you please get the ball gag? This one is going to make to much noise for Carlisle and Esme's home.

I flitted to the gag collection, "Large or small?"

"Agh, good question." He was sitting on the floor, fingering the puncture wounds he caused on her knee. Twirling his finger deeper into the open flesh the girl was moaning with pain. "I think a small gag will be fine. She's already nearing a point of black out from trepidation and we did not even begin."

I brought him the gag because he liked putting it on. He was brutal with the device that buckled onto their head. He made sure it was cutting into their pretty faces.

I loved this girl's aura. It was sparkly, a deep red, like the color of her blood that I was going to drink through my IV straw.

Jasper finished taking her clothing off. He ripped them while the blonde's soft brown eyes with long, elegant, eyelashes fluttered with tears.

Jasper said to her, "Now, don't let those tears blur your vision. I want you to watch us tear your smooth, creamy skin a part."

The girl started crying harder, which we both knew would happen.

I started laughing and she looked at me, she was trying to communicate through her eyes how desperate she was. What she did not know was that my nipples were throbbing in pain from the excitement her tears and dread were causing.

I ran to Jasper's side and kissed his ear. "Can I hook her up?"

Jasper ran his hand down my back, "Eager tonight?"

I headily breathed into his ear, "Yesssssss." I held the s for an extended amount of time.

He turned to me and shoved his tongue into my mouth. He pulled my short hair and bit my lip. I smiled at the pangs of discomfort it caused my scalp and lip.

After my first killing frenzy with Jasper, I cut my hair into a jagged spike and have kept the now popular, pixie cut.

He said, "I miss your long hair."

I did too but since we played our games every Wednesday my hair had to be short. When it was long it always was a bloody mess by the end of the night.

I said, "I miss you yanking on my hair."

I turned my eyes to the blonde. I wanted to suck her and not with my IV.

I couldn't fuck the females, besides my fingers, and that didn't count. I wanted to taste the human as much as he did.

He could fuck but I could lick.

My short hair allowed me to bathe in the sweetness that I loved.

Jasper lectured me when I killed a bitch by hitting her femoral artery from my teeth gnashing her inner thigh.

I just loved to chew their inner thigh.

It was too simple to explain.

I would eat them out and then eat them.

The blonde was begging and I pretended she was begging for my mouth on her warmness. I flitted to her and forced her legs open. Sitting her down in a chair, I was on my knees and began. I watched her tear ridden eyes with glee as my tongue did its magical work. Then my fangs came out to play.

The blood ran down her thighs like the river Nile.

Jasper came over to my play time and kissed me. I loved every second when my bloody mouth was on his.

Caressing her terrified face, Jasper said, "Here's a little game I like to play called, fuck the human. I'm sure you have played before, Darling, but tonight will be a first. Have you ever had a man with a cock of steel? No, I don't think you have but you will, right now."

He forced the bloody blonde to stand so he could sit in the chair. He brought the limp doll over his lap. Somehow he could position the human, right over his knee and pump himself into her ass.

At times they were not tight enough and he would toss them to the side so my ass could take over. No matter how many times he slamme into me, I healed back to my original size. It was the life of a vampire...

Tonight, the blonde was very tight, which sent him into ecstasy.

The only reason why Jasper liked a human over me was not the rape.

It was the _warmth._

_I could not give Jasper the warmth._

When he was done he tossed her onto the dirty floor.

Standing he came to me, and pressed his throbbing dick against me, "Don't hook her up yet. I need to get rid of this hard on before I can appropriately torture the slut."

Even though he came in her he wanted more.

I ran to the couch and stripped naked. I was ready to watch and please myself. He had a release and I had none. If I wanted to keep my sanity I needed to cum as badly as he did.

Jasper ripped the girls bra off. He appraised her body. His hard cock was like a led pipe about to slam into the bitch, again.

We didn't see it as rape. We saw it as a natural progression towards their death. What we would do later was much worse than Jasper banging into her with his rod.

Human penises were pathetic spongy and nothings compared to the always hard and ready vampire cock.

Dropping her to the ground, he began pumping the human on the cold floor. I envisioned her as pumpkin getting carved because a male vampire could rip apart the female human with the powerful thrusting. I know that Jasper wished he could have a barbed penis like a cat.

I wished he could too.

Imagine the feeling of his slicing into your vaginal cave and tearing with each thrust...

I watched and fucked myself with my hand. The tidal wave of cold release consumed me as I watched him plunge and grunt into the girl.

When he was done he left her on the floor and came over to me. "Was that good?"

"Yes, Jasper, that was good."

My dreamy eyes smiled at him as I kissed his lips. I bit, hard, on his lower lip and drew blood. "I'm going to hook her up now and have my fun."

Giddily, I ran to the toy box to see what I wanted to do tonight.

You name it and I made it a toy. Even a two-liter soda bottle was fun for me. I could use the empty bottle as a torture device on a nipple or a soft piece of skin, by adding a bit of super glue on the mouth so it would stick to the body part.

I always made sure it had breathing hole in it so that I could expand and contract the plastic bottle.

Imagine a large bottle hanging off of your areola of your breast and having me pump it... Ah, the skin ripping, the joy, the sublime meaning to life and cries all came from a plastic bottle.

That game would last for five minutes or so until we continued.

Jasper loved his whips. I was not fond of the devices. I liked to cause immediate and lasting pain. Jasper liked the torture to mount over several hours.

If I had my way I would use the cheese grater on each person but Jasper hated how it took away the skin that he enjoyed flogging.

The next few hours involved dildos, whips, and trying to keep the human cognizant of her own demise.

Then it was time for the feast where Jasper and I fucked.

The divine moments of ridding him and drinking from my IV straw were the nearest to bliss anyone could imagine. It was like my paintings by Munch or Van Gogh. I would drift away into the underworld of the red swirling human aura and my own orgasm.

When we were done, there was not a drop of blood left. Carlisle required that we dispose of the carcass.

We would be high off of our feasting and fucking. Tossing the body into the barrel, we would drench it with lighter fuel and watch the lovely bones burn.

It was like a romantic picnic and none of the neighbors thought anything about our actions because Carlisle purposely bought a home with a secluded back yard.

It was in those moments with Jasper that I felt the most connected. You would think it would be when I drizzled blood from the IV into his open and eager mouth but it was the tender moments that mattered.

Yes, Bella needed to watch her back. Edward was no Jasper but he was more than what I had which was nothing.

Slamming my hand onto the blue leather steering wheel, Mike jumped in his seat.

Dumb fucker would be jumping one hell of a lot more in a few minutes.

Pulling into The Cullen household, I took my prisoner and brought him into the garage. When we walked in Rosalie was standing in the kitchen.

"For fuck sake, who is this sap?" Tossing her hair, Rosalie sneered at Mike. "He smells like piss, Alice!" She whined.

"This tasty morsel is going to be fed to my torturous desires until Edward gets home and kills him. We are going into the basement. I have at least five hours before Esme gets home."

"Gross! Why not just have him for dinner. Why take him to the dungeon?"

Rosalie was so over exaggerating about the basement. "This is Edward's revenge, not mine. I just get to break him in. Plus, it's been months since I had any fun."

Leading the discombobulated Mike towards the basement a trickle of exhilaration ran from my toes to my heart. If only Jasper were here...

But no, he was off 'finding' himself when his heart and home was withering away.

**A/N: I actually edited 1/4 of this chapter out... Thanks Jade Bangle for letting me know that I did not cross the line but I sure as hell was close with the rough draft... er, um, or maybe I was close with this one as well...**

**Let me know if I should add a separate chapter for those that cared to skip this one. We do learn more about Jaspers beginnings and I would hate for someone to miss out on his background because of the sickness in this chapter.**

**Did anyone see a soft side to Alice? I tried to sneak it in this chapter to break up some of the sadism…**

*****As always, please let me know your thoughts…**

**Hey, at least everyone else is not as fucked up as Alice and Jasper. I left Edward and the rest of The Cullens free from my ill imagination.**

**Thanks for reading! You all are HARDCORE freaks and I love you for that...**


	11. Departure From Reality

**Chapter 11 Departure from Reality**

**A/N: So, chapter 10, yeah… well, it was what it was… vamps raping and killing. Thanks for the reviews. There might be a few more scenes in a few chapters down the road but nothing that intense again. Onto Edward!**

**This Chapter is an insight, just a glimpse of Edward…**

**Jady Poo, you are so killer. Thank you for your beta help**

**EPOV**

She was sitting across from me on the couch and I wanted to suffer the bullet holes that her eyes were shooting into me. She wanted to know and had the right too, but how did I explain that I wanted to eat her? Seriously? I had never wanted to kill a human like I did her and I was feeling more than emotions for her.

I was falling in love with a fucking human… GOD DAMN IT!

I felt like a teenage boy with his first hard-on and what she did not know was that my hard-on's would kill her because it was not my dick, it was my fangs, that wanted to plunder her virgin neck.

So many humans proudly carried the scars that my kind would cause to their willing, soft, skin. They would beg and plead for us to rip into them and I had, a few times, permitted myself to drink from a desiring human.

Bella was not one.

I did not want to sink my thick fangs into her supple skin. I wanted her to be what she was. A beautiful woman that drove me insane with the musk of her sweet bitterness: like chocolate and her supple bounty, like ripe blueberries.

I was human when I met Victoria. I did not know what she was. I was infatuated with her power over me. I wanted to drive my hard, human cock into her and little did I know she wanted to drive her fangs into me.

She was an evil woman. She was no Alice but she was depraved. I was lured by her womanly charms.

During the youth of my human male hood, I would not commit to a woman. I wanted to taste the sows of the earth and Victoria was a woman of stature that desired my fancy turned towards her.

She engaged me, she commanded me and I did not even know it was occurring. She made me a man the first time I fucked her.

She made me a slave the second time I fucked her.

She made me a vampire the third time I fucked her.

Then she would not let me go.

It took me years to develop a sense of my own vampire self. She feed me her blood and her blood only. I never got to feed from a human. It was always second hand from her veins.

When I asked her why she was brutal and scared my neck, she simply replied, "It makes you mine."

That was her goal, to keep me as hers forever.

What she did not understand was that I would never be hers. It took me at least twenty years to awake from the drug of her blood.

Irina was a human slave of hers. She watched me for five years: serve, be beaten, drink, and generally do whatever Victoria wanted.

One night, she came to me in my chained slumber and raised her wrist to my mouth. It was the first taste of human blood I ever experienced. She tasted like strawberries and wine. It was immaculate. I experienced a rebirth into the world of vampires. I wanted to kill.

I went ballistic on Irina's body. I tore her to bloody shreds and lathered, rolled, and relished in the strawberry and wine blood bath.

When Victoria found me, I was strong enough to ignore her hatred. What I was not strong enough to ignore was her beauty.

Like an insolent youth, I fucking wanted her. I had to have her and in return, she knew she had me.

Bella broke my train of thought, "Edward?""

Searching her eyes, I could not see my command over her, "Yes, Bella?"

She dropped her eyes. Fuck, I was not supposed to upset her like Mike did…

She started to stutter. She tended to do that when she thought what she was going to say something that would upset someone. How did she write lyrics with clarity and sing with meaning if her thoughts stuttered. I listened through the swamp of her mind.

I had hoped that giving her my blood would connect her to me as I had heard rumor it could. That did not seem to be happening in the attic of her mind with me.

Her thoughts were a dusty refuge for a child hiding. Damn, her life was rugged for seeming so simple. I wonder what my mind would look like to someone…

Still stuttering, she knew I was not paying attention and immediately scolded myself…" I am sorry, Bella, what were you about to say?"

She was fidgeting with her hands, picking her perfect cuticles, "You are supposed to tell me what you are. I need to know."

She stressed the word, need.

"I mean, you hopped up on my balcony last night, knew that Mike was going to kill me today, and have been here, like a savior, ever since. I don't know how to explain what I feel for you but it's powerful."

Raising her head, I was enamored with her delicate features. Fuck, if she only knew what I wanted to do to her and how could I not?

Jake was right. I had claimed her. I had made her blood and mine comingle. I gave her myself to save her. She was my possession now, even if I did not want her. Honestly, I did not… Human followers were such a hassle and I would not change her. I did not want her as a part of my world if I did not change her.

Changing a human was not romantic. It was cruel and grueling.

In my mind it also was incestuous to love the one you changed. That is why I had to leave Victoria. That and many reasons.

I refused to sleep with Victoria. She. Made. Me.

"Edward?"

Bella was peeking up at me through her long eye lashes and I caught a mental image of Alice and a past prey.

At that moment, my phone started to vibrate in my jeans. I knew it was Alice. I still had to deal with Mike.

"Bella, I have to take this call. Please excuse me for a few moments."

She nodded her head up and down like a bobble doll. Her eyes were large and expressive. Even without knowing her total mental thought I knew what she was processing.

She knew I was different. She knew I saved her. She knew that she was falling… awe fuck, she was falling in love with me?

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK?

I could not take Alice's call. Fuck. That would be another woman pissed. Alice could wait…

Bella was my only thought. The chances of conception are so vast. It occurs daily. A human is born. A human then dies. The cliché of the circle of life.

Did Bella even understand the immense power she had with her life? Did she feel the warmth running though her young skin? She was so young. She was so beautiful. She was so perfect.

She was what I wanted to take heart in because she had everything I would never have again.

I have outgrown wanting to kill for game in the four walls of the world that I had built around myself. That is all humans did. They built four walls and pretended they could live in them.

The world is my house, my refuge, but I was finding the same solace that Bella did in sleeping behind the drywall, the wood and the vinyl siding.

In reality, their body, the human body, was my refuge. It is where I found the life, the ability to be born. Little did the humans know that they should appreciate their years because a demon like myself could sweep it away from them in a breath.

The desire to plunder her body was growing while I sifted through the thoughts of my mind like an archeologist searching for a relic in a pile of sand.

In my grid of sifting sand I found one. A relic… she had my blood in her and I suddenly smelt the sharp scent, like a ripe cheese, detouring myself from eating her.

Of course, there were the emotions that had been flooding me for the woman but the scent was critical.

Bella stopped talking. She leaned into me and wanted me. I felt her aura, in a sharp green shade, cut into me.

It was like an emerald slicing a diamond. It was not possible but I felt it.

I could hear the image burning in her. She wanted me to take her garden and make it full of pain. In some fucked up way she liked serving and pleading for Mike.

Now she wanted to beg me for her sins. She had none but she wanted me to make her feel the same hiding elation and burning that Mike did when it came to sex.

That is what her heat was emitting, sex.

I had not fucked a human, ever.

I wanted to save her from the sensations that Mike made her feel and that was what she yearned. It was what she liked.

She wanted to feel almost dead with her lust.

As she came closer to me I felt her hesitation. If I did not act upon her advances she would faultier in confidence and never attempt with me again.

If I did, I would kill her with my thrusts and how I wanted to fucking thrust into her.

I wanted her to know me.

I wanted her to feel me in her head while my cock fucked her.

I wanted to know the warmth of the meadow that her fucking cunt would show me. I wanted flowers, and sunshine, and soft purple and white flowers enveloping me, deep inside of her. All the way inside of her until I was nothing but ocean water floating with her to heaven.

I wanted all of this but I had zero control when it came to penetration with a human. I would carve her, like Alice would get giddy about when she thought of Jasper fucking a human.

"Edward?"

I was hesitant, "Yes?"

She was bold, "I want you…"

Somberly I said, "I know. I want you too. I want to be inside of you, deep, and know you like you want me too but right now is not the time or the place."

She lifted her head and jutted out her round chin, "I am about to lose my mind with apologizes and the lack of understanding. Can you please tell me what the fuck is going on? If you won't fuck me, then talk to me…"

Brave girl. What a brave girl.

"If I said blood and fire that would mean nothing. If I said ice and life that would mean nothing. So, why say a word?"

I wanted her to understand that my ice was her fire. She had to know that her blood was my life but I was not going to be open about our dire situation. I wanted a few more hours with her before it was all over.

She would never have the scars that I carried.

She would never know the death that is my life.

But in her life, I would never age and I know no human could handle that repercussion. That is assuming she would understand the blood internal, the blood inside of her was my substance. It was what I needed to live. That river that ran under her warm creamy skin was my life.

No woman, no human, could understand that exchange and why should they?

I wish that my musical talents were more advanced because the death dance we were creating was a march for a Requiem.

She shot her eyes into mine. I was unnerved that my eyes did not posses her but again, she had my blood in her.

She was forever changed.

No vampire could hurt her, ever, well, at least with their eyes. She would smell and taste horrid to another vampire, unless they had the psychosis. Then she would be fair game.

Fuck.

Focusing on her eyes, she said, "I cannot lose you."

The dire need in her voice shook me. I never was shaken.

She said it again, "I cannot lose you."

I did not reply.

Of course she was going to lose me.

Defiance was laden in her stern voice, "I cannot lose you, love."

Did she call me love? Was that a name?

I had to respond because she started to ball into herself on the couch. Her thin legs were curling into her stomach so her chin could rest on her knees.

I touched her hand. She did not recoil like most humans.

Sternly I said, "I am going nowhere as long as you want me here."

She held my eyes. She was almost commanding me. Never had a human held my attention with their eyes. I wanted to drop them for a sense of rebounding from her control but there was no need. I wanted her to control me for one brief moment.

I could always gain the control back…

With confidence, something she lacked, minus the time on stage the first time I saw her, she said, "You are going to leave me and I do not want that to happen. You cannot leave me with the mess over Mike. You have to tell me whatever Jake was rambling about. I cannot be left with his anger."

Like all humans, she was being selfish. This had nothing to do with me. Fucking idiot. She did not care if I stayed or left. It was my information she wanted.

That was something her idiot friend Jake could tell her. I knew he was chomping at the bit to tell her but I did _claim_ her. She did have my blood in her.

Yet, I hated that I was forced into this life for the same purpose. I did not know how to release her from my claim. If I was near her or not, she would carry a shadow of my gifts with her for life. That is something that Victoria never cared to share.

I still carried Victoria's utter aloofness towards anyone or anything. It was a major part of my nomadic tendency and my lack of concern for Bella having my blood claim her.

I needed to tell Bella. I needed to explain to Jake why I saved her.

I didn't care about any of them.

FUCK VICTORIA.

She made me the wine drinker of the dark red that I am. She made me resist the sunshine. She bit me like a hurricane on my neck.

Bella leaned into me, she wanted to kiss me. Even in my cold, dead, impersonal mind, I knew that she wanted the beast from my blood, which was raging inside of her, to kiss me.

She wanted to taste me.

She wanted my lips on her and in her even if she didn't understand what that meant or entailed.

She wanted the beast inside of herself to come and get me, hardcore, long, and fullingfulling.

Fuck, I wanted that too.

How can that be?

I had hard sex with Alice. Never what she wanted but hard enough for me. Yet, the beast inside of me is now inside of Bella and we both wanted the other like oxegyn to a fire.

I felt her.

She wanted me to fuck her to death.

I felt her thinking what I would feel like inside of her and she was right because I was feeling what I would feel like inside of her.

She was not dead.

She was a fucking heating blanket that would wrap my cold cock into her hearth.

She was feeling the embers of her emotions searing through her to the point of hot flashes while I felt the ice of my cool blood pounding inside of her veins

I was inside of her.

I was killing her

Her body was racing to rebound from my blood.

FUCK.

I know the demon inside of me was rearing its head to taste the salty sweat that was falling from her face. I could see her small chest heaving under her robe.

I took my hands and ripped open the robe so I could watch her small, round, perfect breast heave with her breathing.

My face went to her neck. No words were going to come to either of us as I suckled on her neck. She was mine.

I was hers

I wanted to love her death but I would not kill her as I kissed her blueberry skin.

I would not kill her.

Her hands raced up and down my back while I gently pried the robe off of her body. I started to pull on her old T-shirt when her cell phone started to chime.

I knew it was Jake.

Fucking cock block for the second time tonight.

Bella did not move under me.

I could hear, smell, and feel, her thin veins surging with the want of me inside of her. I already was. I knew what her veins were screaming.

I put it into perspective with my own throbbing cock. Did I have the ability to restrain while fucking her? Was I good enough for her? Was I able to make love?

Her warmth, her wetness with my blood pulsing, screamed…

Now.

No.

Soon.

YES.

Oh, I would fuck her, and soon but for now, I had to talk to her about what the hell was happening.

I said, "Answer the phone, Bella. Tell him that you do not know yet, and that you will call him back. Promise that you will."

She did as I commanded and I hated every minute.

I would do anything to make her cum. I would do anything for her to be warm for life. I would do anything for her to become my everything.

I would let her command me if it meant that she could stay human.

**A/N: Bella is going to be with us in Chapter 12.**

**Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think! I love the reviews.**


	12. Reality in Ruins

**Chapter 12 – Reality in Ruins**

**I just had to get Bella and Edward out of my mind and into yours all nice and quick. **

**Jade Bangle, thanks for being a super trooper with getting my shizzzz reviewed. Huggers all over your head!!!**

**BPOV**

I was seeing through his eyes, my body under him. It was fucked up… I felt like I was reading his mind and he was losing some kind of battle inside of himself.

What was wrong with Edward?

What was wrong with me?

I was hotter than hell but my insides felt like Antarctica.

Something was nonfunctional with me and I loved every second.

Then I heard Edward, he was seeping into my mind like mist on an English bog. I heard him thinking about leaving me.

He could not go. I refused to lose him.

I just found a peace, a fucking drug like serenity by having him near me.

Whatever it was that he had to tell me, I did not care.

I was his.

He was mine. We could never be a part again.

His breaths, I felt them in my lungs. His eyes closing and opening, I felt the way his lids were heavy.

It was like a merry-go-round that I was spinning on; moving slow, I was bobbing up and down on a plastic bangle tiger as the music chimed in my ears.

His face started to blur. I should have been paranoid but I was content. Everything became hazy and I heard my phone from miles away.

I did not want to break the oblivion I was floating in with Edward.

I barely understood Edwards's words but I had to answer the phone. It was Jake calling to ruin my world.

"Hi Jake," I said in my dreamy sigh.

Panicked, "Did he tell you? Are you with him or did you run from your apartment like a normal person would?"

"I am still with him and he has not told me. He was about too when you called."

"Bella, if he tries to attack you your only defense is to stab him…"

Pissed, I interrupted Jake, "That won't be necessary. He is not going to harm me. You must be high or drunk or both to even entertain such thoughts! I would never stab him. I get that you are upset that I don't feel for you what I used to, but seriously, Jake, you sound nuts. Now, I am going to hang up so Edward and I can continue the conversation that you are forcing us to have!"

Before I snapped my phone shut I heard him yell, "In the heart, Bella! Stab the fucker in the heart!"  
Edward took the phone from my hand and silenced the ringer.

"Before I tell you everything I need to make a call…"

He looked at me as if I was going to be upset.

"Do what you need to, Edward. As long as you are not leaving me then I don't care who you call."

It was the truth. He was never allowed to leave me.

He stepped onto the balcony and began his phone conversation. Didn't something happen with the door this morning?

Fuck, I could not remember shit from this morning. There was pain. Tons of miserable aches, some pills, some zinc water…

Zinc water? What the hell is zinc water? It tasted like metal, like Edward.

I heard him yelling but his stance on the balcony was calm. I heard him screaming and thrashing but he did not move from his back from the glass.

I concentrated and listened to him. He was softly mumbling so there was no way I could make out his words… but I could.

It was like he was whispering the conversation in my mind.

"I cannot and will not leave her right now."

Someone else was miles away and mumbling. All I heard was, "Fuck, not me, kill."

Then Edward was whispering in my ear, "Leave him to rot and I will take the final fluid from him tomorrow. I am staying here tonight."

A small victory for me, he was staying.

I felt my nipples get hard from the thought of Edward staying the night with me. Is that what he meant? Was he going to fuck, no, make love to me?

I closed my eyes and felt his lips travel from my ear to my neck. He stopped at my pulsing vein and licked the ice fire that was pounding through me.

Then he gently blew over the beating vein.

His hands were removing my clothing, first my robe, then my tattered t-shirt. I did not have a bra on and felt his cool hands running over my flaming skin.

Snapping from the imagery, I heard the sliding glass door open and felt the chilly wind whirl around the apartment.

His eyes were large, almost glass like with the knowledge of where my mind had wandered while he was outside.

I felt the warm blush cover my face. I was like a child, caught taking a mint from her mother's purse. How did he know? How did I know what he knew?

Striding to the couch he positioned himself facing me. I could feel his fridgid air penetraiting my enamoured heat.

His voice was solid, "It is time to talk."

I stuttered and dropped my eyes, "OK."

He took his thumb and pointer finger to force my face to be level with his. I looked into his eyes and fell into warmth of them like the smoldering depths of the inferno to Hell.

"We have a problem."

No! There was no None at all. This was fucking heaven.

"What?" It was a twofold question. What was he talking about and what, like how could we have a problem.

He released his fingers from my chin and dropped his head. I heard the words, 'my fault, misery, the remainder of her life' running though his mind.

Yes, I could hear him, kind off…

He leaned back against the couch. I leaned into him. He was not getting away from the personal incubator of lust we both owned together.

"Bella, I am not a normal person."

"So? I am not a normal person either."

"No, you do not understand… I am not a person. I am a monster."

I laughed, "A monster? If I was Mike I would believe that…"

I should not have said it. I was petrified that he would leave me, alone on the couch, right here, right now.

But, his reaction was the opposite of my assumption. He smiled a large, charismatic grin. It was the first time, since he left the balcony last night, that I saw his large teeth. They were abnormally large and positioned in his gums to hide their size but it did not work. They were too predatory to hide.

"Mike has no fucking idea what is happening to him right now and I am elated. He is going to be bled dry."

"Huh?" Bleed dry?

"This is what I am talking about. I am a fucking monster! I think it's great and I am fucking gloating that he is going to die slow, very, very, slow. Don't you see? Can't you see how wrong that is?"

He sat up, grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me.

"Tell me that you understand. Tell me that you know how fucking deranged it is for me to be sitting here and hoping, wishing, fucking wanting something more from you than, than your god damn blood!"

"If you want my blood fucking take it. I don't care. I don't want to be anywhere if it's not with you. I fucking feel you inside of me. I feel like you are a part of the fabric of my being."

Standing he strode to the sliding glass door. Propping his arm up, he rested his head against it and talked into the glass, "That is the problem. I am woven into the cells of your body."

Jumping off of the couch, I put my trembling arms around his torso, "That's the way it should be. It is written in the stars that people like us find one another. Were you not telling me last night that fate has a way of twining two people together?"

He said something like that, less than a mere twenty-four hours ago.

"Yes and little did I know the truth it held."

"Why are you resisting this? It feels right."

Turning into my arms, he buried his head into my neck and kissed my skin. A shiver trailed through me like a serpent.

"Nothing in existence is this easy. There has to be a road block, a derailed train that is going to crash around us and make us burn."

"All I want to do is fall into you. All I want is for your arms to hold me tighter."

"If I hold you tighter I will kill you." His cool breath against my burning skin made everything sensitive.

"I want you too."

"You want me to kill you?"

"I want you to hold me tighter and crush me into you."

"Oh, Bella, you don't know."  
"Then tell me."

He lifted his head and his eyes were large orbs of red. They were swimming with the blood that was pounding through his veins. If it were not the man that saved me from Mike, I might have been terrified.

"You want to know what makes a being like me exist?"

"I want to understand you."

I heard the vague whispering of his mind tearing mine in two. 'Monster, leave, run, drink…'

His face twisted with concern. Could he hear me thinking about his thoughts?

"Yes, Bella, I can."

"What?"

"I can almost read your every thought. Out of any human I have known you are the most difficult to read. Even after the exchange and me claiming you as mine I can't hear you clearly. I know that you have started to hear my thoughts. I was not sure that would happen. Surprise, you are now a mind reader."

"That's it? You read minds? That is not as bad as you and Jake were making things out to be. So what! People have read minds, or claimed too, for thousands of years."

"No, Bella, no. There is more than reading minds to my defunct persona. I am a killer."

"Duh, I knew that since Mike is missing and never to return. Remember our conversation a few hours ago? I am never allowed to ask about his disappearance again and that means he is floating with the fish."

I wanted him to laugh.

He did not.

His eyes, so red and glowering, bore into me.

"I am not alive."

"I beg to differ with that assessment. You are here, in my arms, and holding me. You saved me, you kissed me, and you can read my mind. All of these facts qualify you for the living."

"No." He dropped his eyes from me and shook his head. I felt his body try to pull away from mine but I was not accepting his retreat.

"Edward, none of it matters. Whatever you are about to say, just say it because I don't care."

"Naive. You are naive. Bella, I am a fucking vampire."

Yes, yes he fucking was and it all became clear.

Zinc water, Mike gone forever, cold skin, scaling the wall to my balcony, hearing and reading my mind, his morphing demon face, the metallic scent, his teeth…

Edward was a vampire and I pulled him into my kiss.

My open mouth merged with his and our tongues collided, crashing into one another. There was no gentle massaging, it was hard and raw. It was powerful with our need and his for an instant connection. We were desperate to lie down on the cold ground of one another's lives.

Pulling from me I gasped, "No. More."

He chuckled and ran his hand over my face, "I was not expecting that reaction. Is there something wrong with you? You are not a normal human, my Bella."

"I will take that as a compliment. Now, explain claiming."

I was sure that I understood… my body not being broken was because of Edward. He gave me his blood to heal me but I was not a vampire. I did not crave blood, I was not dead, but I was a human who was saved by her hunter.

"Wait," his face was pale and confused, "you don't care?"

Shrugging against him, "And why would I?"

"Do you hear yourself? I drink blood, Bella. I kill humans."

"You are not killing me and you kill people like Mike."

Grunting, "Not always."

"You won't hurt me."

"How do you know that?"

"I can hear your thoughts… if anything you want to drink me but not kill me."

I smirked at him, yeah, I knew his thoughts.

He broke into a hysterical laughter, "You are serious!"

I would have taken offense if I did not know that he was relieved, "Yes, why, yes, I am quite serious."

"All you want to know about is claiming?"

Fair question, "For starters, I want to know about claiming."

"Jesus fucking a blue back whale, this is some messed up shit."

"No, that analogy is some messed up shit."

He tackled me and we fell on the couch. "You have made me the happiest dead man ever today."

I raised my eyebrow and said, "Just for today? How about all the time?"

Kissing the corner of my mouth, "I would like that."

Gasping, "Then it's yours."

He continued to kiss my face while he whispered, "Why, Bella? Why are you not running to Jake or other human arms?"

Sighing, "Because I am not normal. I have wanted someone like you my entire life."

"A vampire?"

"No, a true, inexplicable, heart throbbing love that makes me weak and strong at the same time."

What I was saying was the truth. The desert of my life was now flooded.

Mumbling against my lips, "I did not mean to claim you. It was a necessity, considering the condition of your body. I was not sure if you would heal from… from, what Mike put you through this morning. I had to call an old friend to understand how to do the blood exchange."

I felt my jaw drop against his cool kisses and Edward said, "There it is. The normal reaction I have been waiting for you to show. It's about time."

I snapped my mouth shut and leaned into him. I lifted my head and brought his head closer to me by wrapping my fingers into his shaggy brown hair. I wanted his mouth to be mine.

He relented and kissed me.

Pulling back to soon he continued, "You were going into shock so I rubbed a few drops on your gums to loosen your clenched body. Then I took you to bed and waited for you to be coherent enough for the remainder of the drops. What I did not anticipate was you absorbing my skill of mind reading. I should have known better. I will help you phase into the noise. It can make a vampire mad; I would destroy myself if I drove you mad from my curse."

Shaking my head, "No, it's amazing. People search their entire life to have a few minutes of this ability. Are you saying that I will carry this gift and you, in me forever?"

"Until you die."

I felt the frown when I said, "So I will die?"

"I said that you are not a vampire so yes, you will die a normal human death."

"What if I don't want to die?"

"Excuse me?"

"What if I want to live on into the darkness with you?"

"No."

I pouted my lip, "Why?"

"I promised myself, almost eighty years ago, that I would never condemn someone to this life."

I was not going to push it. I was fortunate he did not leave me right now. I could hear him thinking about it. I could sense he wanted to flee and run to another hemisphere.

Pulling him closer, "You are staying here tonight?"

Releasing the breath he was holding, "Yes."

"We can talk about this more later. Right now, I want to lie down and have you hold me."

I was hoping for more than holding, but I knew with the way his mind was thinking, that he did not want to have sex, make love, or fuck me. He was paranoid about killing me. That was my goal. If I twined myself into his heart then could he let me die?

It was a theory I was going to test to its limits.

Who was I yesterday? Who will I be tomorrow? None of it mattered because I was here with Edward. I never needed a room with a window again because I wanted nothing in my vision but him.

**A/N: The next chapter is a APOV and a EPOV... There is some graffic content but nothing like chap 6 or 10.**

**thanks for reading and PLEASE review!!!**


	13. Ruins of a Life

**Chapter 13 Ruins of a Life**

**A/N: We have some blood, blood, and more blood in this chapter but no torture ;)**

***** Jade, your super speed with keeping up with me is to dye for in a wicked garden. You see, Jade is an artist too so she gets when the inspiration strikes you have to ride the wave!!! Thanks Bebe!!!!**

**APOV**

La, la, la, la, torture the human and yawn. Alone, I was alone. I had no one and I could not enjoy any of this play time.

Everyone must breathe until their dying breath and I wanted Mikes to sputter his out of him lungs.

I was bored.

I had fucked him with a metal pole. I had fucked him myself and like a device to make fresh orange juice, I painfully squeezed him with my clenching muscles. I beat him, whipped him, drank from him, peeled some skin, cheese grated his ass, and even pored vinegar into his open wounds.

Nothing was fun tonight.

Would it ever be again?

The last time I played alone I did not have a good time. The girl was dead in two hours. I kept on strangling her until I went too far and she died.

Then I could not even drink her because her dead blood was rotten.

Fuck! I had strung Mikey along for over five hours. Edward ignored my calls and when he finally answered he did not care about me.

He was wound up in the drama of that human.

Fucking bitch, I wanted her strapped to my cross chandelier next and I knew that Edward would never let her suffer by my hands.

If he was going to have fun with her, it would be all alone.

Selfish prick.

I would never be a pale bride. I never knew that I wanted to get married and have a husband until Jasper left.

He left with her.

He changed her before Emmett and Carlisle could stop him.

Deranged, they flew out of the house together.

I heard from a vampire friend in Arizona that they had split up. Felix said that Jasper thought she was too twisted for his taste.

I don't know what happened on their killing spree but if she was more warped than Jasper, I never wanted to see Jane again.

He should have killed the bitch but he chose her over me.

Men!

Felix said that when he saw Jasper, he was a shell of his former radiance and was mumbling about how his father was right.

That was when the first letter showed up from him.

_Dearest Alice,_

_What I did was reprehensible and I now know the error of my ways with changing Jane. A human that can suffer, with glee, the pain we extract from their fragile skin is ill. As a vampire she is worse. She has no remorse, much like you, my Darling. Yet, you had a stopping point, as much as you would regret admitting the weakness. You would never kill a woman that carried a child in her womb. You would never attack an orphanage. You would never force humans to fuck in front of you for pleasure while you beat, flogged, and maimed their skin._

_I am a changed man. I cannot return to the life that we created with one another. I am sorry, but I refuse to kill as we did for years. I try not to kill at all but drink and command the humans with my eyes to not remember the encounter._

_I want you to join me. I want you to redeem yourself and change your ways of feeding. I will never have a wet Wednesday with you again but we can be together again, minus the torture._

_Years ago, James tried to teach me about normal vampire techniques. I refused his guidance because I liked my games. Now, I see the error of my manners. Then there is you, my Darling. I took your freshly made mind and taught it the atrocity of my existence. Please forgive me and join me. We can start anew._

_All of my blood soaked hearts love,_

_Jasper_

What a fucking looser.

He taught me? No, he showed me what I would have discovered at any time. I loved my fucked up behavior.

Bastard.

Then there was Rosalie and her lamenting wail about how brutal our kind was to humans. She had a problem with killing kids. I would never kill a woman carrying a child but once they were born they were free game. I would try to resist but if they had a pretty aura...

"Auras!" I would scream at her. "All that matters is if their auras are pretty."

I showed her the first letter from Jasper.

"Alice, honey, I agree. He finally sees what a sad world the two of you lived in and laughed."

"It was not sad. It made me feel, like we were meant for one another."

She ran her hand through her thick hair, "But he left you for a human that he converted into a vampire. He left you for someone that wanted to pain play harder. Now he is regretting his hasty decision and begging for you back. You cannot crawl back to him or you are no better than the bitches you make crawl to you over glass."

That was one of my favorite games for a few months, broken bottles that the girl had to drudge across in hopes that she could live. We always promised life but that word has such a loose interpertation for a vampire. Ha! It was the only funny thought in my shriveled mind.

He was gone. There were no more Wet Wednesdays with glass bottles and whips.

I watched Mike dangle from our device. I watched his body swing with his arms, in barbed wire, bleed and leach into the wood of the cross.

His head was lulling back and forth. He stopped moaning hours ago. The gag, a large one, cutting into his face and marking him for the rest of his small life, brought me no happiness.

I sat on the couch, covered in his blood, and curled into a ball. I licked my knee because his blood was everywhere.

My hair was matted to my head and I wanted to shower either in the remainder of his blood or the warm water that could heal me for a moment.

It was the only time I remembered feeling human, under the warm water.

Jasper loved humans because of the warmth.

I hated them because it was what I could not give him.

Now he wanted me back but not in our former style of living.

What the fuck was I supposed to do?

Then the thought hit me, I should leave.

Not the Cullen's, Jasper, Edward, or anyone else.

I should leave myself.

I looked at my favorite canvases hanging behind Mikes swinging body and made my mind up.

I was going to do the one thing that no vampire ever did if they had another option.

I was going to kill myself.

I knew that there was no one else for me to thrive with now that my pain and passion was gone with Jasper.

Vampires did not change but he did.

I could not but I could not continue living with the nothingness that ended each day that started into sleepless nights.

It was time for me to starve or…

Or, take Mike down from the device and hang myself.

If I added the wooden post that we never used I would have a whole cross. If I could force myself to drive the barbed wire, and stakes all over myself then no one could stop me from dying.

There were two ways for our kind to die; starve or bleed out.

It would be a sweet justice to kill myself like I had killed so many women. I would gouge myself, hang myself, and let the life of everyone that made me live, drain and drip down the worn wood of our torture device.

My mind was made up while I watched Mike moan and swing.

I was killing myself to flee the hurt of Jasper.

I went to the back wall and brought the canvass to rest against the couch in front of the half cross. I headed over to the mechanical room of the basement. That was where the other section of the cross was stored. Brining it out into the main room of the basement, I leaned it against the back wall.

I started unwrapping Mikes ground up arms from the barbed wire. He was screaming into the gag and I started crying my red tears. Not for his pain but for my choice.

Once he was down, I laid him on the couch and covered most of his heap of a body with canvasses. If I was dying, I did not want to see Edward's kill. I wanted to see mine and Jaspers bodies in paint and blood.

I attached the bottom part of the cross with the necessary bolts and began to ruin myself.

I started with bolting my feet to the bottom of the cross. My vampire strength allowed me to bolt my feet and maintain my body's posture on the wood beam.

Then I took Jaspers favorite butcher knife and ripped from my ankle to my cunt on both legs. I flayed my own thighs and calves.

Through the pain I was smiling. This would work if I did it quickly enough.

If I waited too long I would heal.

If I did it too quickly, I could not die staring at our canvases.

I took the butcher knife and made an X from rib to hip and hip to rib. Then I took my arms and flayed them like my legs.

I slipped one hand into the barbed wire and before I put my other arm into the wire's teeth, I slit my throat.

Dropping the knife, I quickly threw my arm into the wires and gagged on my own blood coming up through my throat and rippling over my lips.

Bleed the fuck out body, bleed out, please.

It was a malicious treatment to myself the game I was playing but I was going to loose everything. Why not force my death with my own hands?

Fuck, I felt my own life flooding from me like the river Nile. It was the same with the thighs of the beautiful woman that I gnashed and knawed on, making them bleed.

As the world swirled like Mike's red aura behind the canvases, I looked at my love and death with Jasper.

I watched my world twist away like the barbed wire around my arms.

Fading, slowly, I willed the blood to leave my body.

It did and I smiled.

It was almost over, all of this, forever.

EPOV

I was in Bella's bed when I heard her dying.

This was no joke.

Flipping out, I shook Bella awake.

"I have to leave, now."

Her small hands clawed at me, "No!"

"I have to leave!" I almost screamed but kept my urgency under control. She did not have to be afraid of my actions but Alice was almost dead and time was of the essence.

"You said you wouldn't" she groaned in her sleepy voice.

I could not deny her. I would bring her with me.

"Then come with me but I have to go."

"Yes." She moaned, "I am coming with you."

Jumping out of bed, I shoved her into a coat and tossed her onto my back.

"What are you doing?" She asked in the same confused voice.

"If you are coming with me you are traveling at my speed. Just hold the fuck on."

I ripped out of her balcony door with her attached to my back. I began running at my superior speed. I heard her squealing like a hog- tied swine being torched on a cement pad with a flame thrower.

Why in the fuck was Alice killing herself? Even the most warped vampire never retreated from our life. That Jasper guy had her all fucked up in the brain and heart.

Once we got to the Cullen's, I dropped Bella in the kitchen.

Rosalie was standing at the fridge. She always kept some fresh blood in the fridge.

I saw her graze the meat I brought into their home.

"Rosalie, this is Bella. She is not dinner. She is my fucking friend. Show her some hospitality while I save Alice's life and get Emmett into the basement ASAP."

Her hungry eyes were still on Bella but I heard that she processed my demands. Yelling in her shrewish voice, she called for Emmett.

I ran down the stairs to see Alice. It was exactly as she had mentally screamed at me. She was cut open and bleeding out onto the floor.

Her weary head lifted to see me and she smiled while she gurgled from her slit throat, "You heard."

"Of fucking course I heard!"

I ran to the cross and started to pull out the bolts in her feet. She had fucking crucified herself.

When I pulled the metal bolts, her cold blood sprayed all over me. Fuck!

I started to panic. Could I save her? There was entirely too much fucking death happening around me today and none of it was Mike. He was the only person that needed to die.

She thought since she could not talk, "_No, Edward, do not stop me from dying._"

Her words were slow like a slug, thick and goopy dripping out of her mind.

"Shut the fuck up, Alice. You are not dying tonight."

I took my fangs and ripped open my wrist. I took the blood and applied it to her spraying wounds.

I heard the heavy pounding of Emmett coming down the stairs.

"Oh Jesus fuck!"

Classic Emmett.

"Get the fuck over here and help me."

His stocky figure ran across the basement, "What in the hell are we supposed to do?"

Good fucking question, "Get her down off this fucking cross and see if we can stop the bleeding."

Emmett's focus was lost and I saw his eyes drifting towards the couch, "Is that a human I smell?"

"Yeah, it's the one thing we have to bring Alice back so focus on saving her!"

Taking him from the land of gorging, "Dude, she fucked herself up! Why in the hell would she do this?"

I did not have time to explain but I know Emmett. He would keep on asking questions like a five year old. "From what I hear in her thoughts, she was tired of living alone."

"Is this depressed Jasper shit?"

"Yes, Emmett, it is depressed Jasper shit. Now, if you could help me…"

I was not sure if my blood would help her wounds seal themselves, but it seemed to be working.

"What do you want me to do?" His forehead had deep caverns of concern.

"Slice your wrist and run it along her legs to aid in her healing."

"You want me to rub my blood on her?"

Frustrated, I tried to keep my anger in check, "That is what I am doing on her feet and it appears to be working."

Immediately, he sliced his wrist and started to rub his blood up and down her legs.

Her feet were healing so I moved onto her stomach. Fuck me, she had basically gutted herself. Rubbing my wrist up and down her stomach and over the X she had made from hip to rib, I saw her skin start to re-grow and reconnect.

She was going to live.

Without guidance, Emmett took his bloody wrist and started on one of her arms. I started on the other.

He went to heal her neck and I stopped him. She was my responsibility. I was a part of her attempted suicide.

I ripped the flesh from the inner skin of my elbow because my wrist had run dry. I made the tear long enough so when I pressed my arm against her neck it encompassed the whole cut with my blood and tissue.

Holding her against me, tightly, I heard her start to moan.

Yes, she was going to be fine.

I, on the other hand, was not. I felt the weariness of the day and my blood loss taking over my mind. Everything was breaking and melting as I feel into the darkness I had caused so many humans to fall under.

When I heard her squeak, "Edward, why?"

I dropped to the dirty basement floor and let the dark light wash over me.

**A/N: Bella is next ;)**

**Let me know what you think. I love reviews like the river Nile of blood.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	14. Life is a Matter of Perception

**Chapter 14 - Life is a Matter of Perception**

**A/N: I am sooooo sorry about posting the alert for this twice!! I had the unedited version go up. **

**I hope you enjoyed chapter 13... Hey, vamps have to help one another out!**

*****Jade Bangle, thanks for srsly keeping up with me. I heart you a million times.**

**Bpov:**

This was a house full of vampires. Holy fucking shit, what did I get myself into? The stunning blonde was eyeing me like a rabid dog in dire need of a piece of steak.

Her voice was sharp, "When did Edward find himself a puppet?"

Bitch, "I am not a puppet."

"What are you then? A play toy?"

"Don't you care about your friend in the basement? That is why we came here, to help whoever is dying."

Flipping her hair, she walked closer to me, "You should watch your tongue around someone that will bite it off."

The fucking fear that should have been slamming into me was absent. She didn't scare me. Jake was right. There is something very wrong with me not be running away from these killers.

Shit, I was in love with Edward.

"Ugh! What did he do to you to make you reek? You smell like a raw chicken breast that was left under the couch. Seriously, you smell like rot."

Prideful I said, "Edward claimed me."

From the rambling thoughts of his mind, I knew that no vampire would want to kill me. I had a wretched scent to them.

"He so would claim a human. What the hell did you do to him to make him desire you? I have only known the guy for a while but he was not even infatuated with Alice. We never fucking claim humans. It's a damn hassle and he is a hassle free nomad."

"I didn't do anything." I felt like sticking my tongue out at the bitch but she might bite it off…

"Um, yeah, you did but I do not really care. I should go and check on the boys in the basement. I knew that little twit was going to do something drastic over her imbecilic ass ex."

I had no clue what she was talking about and was not sure if I wanted too.

An older woman rounded the kitchen corner and said to Rosalie, "Why is there a human in my house not strapped up?"

Rolling her eyes, Rosalie pointed at me, "This is Bella. She is Edward's human that he has claimed. Bella, this is Esme. She is the head bitch of this house."

Esme pinched Rosalie on the arm, "Rose, I am not a bitch and would appreciate you being more cordial to Edward's guest. Where is Edward and why would he leave her alone with you?"

"I told you she's claimed. Smell her, she is rank."

Esme leaned into me and gently sniffed the air. Taking a step back, she politely covered her mouth and began coughing.

It was ridiculous but I wanted to cry. Did I smell rank?

Looking at Rosalie, Esme said, "Well, this is an interesting turn of events. Please explain so I can call Carlisle and tell him that we have a human that we will not be killing."

"Don't ask me to explain. I don't know her from Adam." She flipped her head towards me, "Bella, won't you explain how you are a part of our lives now?"

I was not going to stutter. These woman were scarier than a clown in a horror house but I had to have confidence.

I searched for the whispering Edward in my ear and focused on his voice.

I did not hear anything and immediately began to feel dread. Where was he? He was not stroking my frazzled mind.

"Are you going to talk or did I bite out your tongue and forget?"

Oh, I did not want to be around this bitch for an extended period of time.

"We met last night. I was almost killed by someone. Edward saved me with his blood. That's all there is too tell."

"Um, no, that's not all there is to tell. No vampire wants to claim a human unless they have tons of time and expendable patience. Humans are impossible to cater to with their whiney needs and constant complaining about our killing. There has to be another reason why he would save you. Why do you matter? So what if you were almost killed. Little girl, that is what we do. We kill."

If I heard that one more time tonight I was going to loose it.

"I get that you kill. What do you want me to say? I do not know what Edward's motives were but he saved me and here I am."

Esme asked, "Why did he bring you here?"

Like I fucking know I can not hear him! "Because I was terrified for him to leave me alone in my apartment."

Rosalie snorted, "Oh for fuck sake, you mean that Edward cares about you and what you feel? This is too fucking sick. Esme, what are we going to do?"

Esme stood in her immaculate kitchen and shook her head. Their cold skin and red brown eyes were illuminated by the shinning stainless steel appliances and the cool granite countertops in the kitchen. The overhead lights were casting shadows against their sunken cheek bones. There hands looked classic and claw like. It was as though they had manicures from hell.

I did not notice these traits with Edward. Was something different with him?

If I encountered these women at the mall, I would turn and walk the other way without knowing what was creeping me out.

They were picturesque but deadly.

I felt that way about Alice last night. She was frightening.

Edward was not.

Edward… I still could not hear him.

I could not hide the concern in my voice, "Should we head to the basement and make sure everything is alright?"

Esme and Rosalie looked at one another wide eyed over my boldness.

Walking towards the basement door, Rosalie said, "You seem brave little girl. Come downstairs with us and we will see what in the hell is going on."

"Rose, what is happening?" Esme asked in a strained tone.

"I think Alice tried to commit suicide or something."

"Oh."

Wow, her voice was uncaring. I caught a quick smile cross her stern lips before she smoothed her hair and replied to Rosalie, "I hope that Edward was in time but I am not sure if it's something that Bella should see."

"Why the fuck not? She wants to play family, or housewife, or whatever, with Edward. She will have to get used to this sight at some point."

"Fair enough," she replied to Rosalie. "Bella, do you want to join us?"

YES! "I want to see Edward."

"Alright then dear, you can come with us into the basement but I am going to forewarn you that the sights you are about to see are life changing."

I swallowed hard but didn't move a muscle in my face. These bitches were not going to get the better of me, even though I should have turned and ran.

What was wrong with Edward? Where was he?

The two women started to descend down the stairs leading to the basement. I followed them and entered the chilly, cave like, environment.

I was wrong. It was a beautiful finished basement. It was bright for being in a basement after midnight, with the light paint colors and ample lamps.

There was a massive king sized bed. The headboard was rod iron and had twisted daisies made from the rods.

There was a sectional couch and amazing, modern, artwork all over the walls.

Then I turned to see where Esme and Rosalie were standing and my entire view changed. There was a woman covered in blood and gasping air. She was wheezing and it sounded like she had lungs full of phlegm.

There was barbed wire stuck to one of her arms and wrapped all over the dark cross. I could not tell if it was wood stain or… blood that colored the worn wood.

She was naked but through the smeared red mess all over her body, I knew it was the girl from the bar last night.

Rosalie went to the big man that was standing by the swinging cross. The massive space where the cross was hanging was the cave I originally thought I would see, descending the stairs. One part was well lit and finished and then the other was a hard cement floor and cinder block walls. It was night and day, the composition of the basement.

I started glancing all over the basement and saw what I missed the first time. Attached to the bed's headboard were chains and handcuffs. There was a large, silver box that looked like a toy tool box. Hanging out of the box was something that looked like electrical shocks or jumper cables.

Along the wall by the bed was a coat rack but it was not holding coats, it was holding whips, floggers, and beating sticks.

The pictures on the wall started to swim before me and I wanted to smoke an ounce of weed out of my bowl. I felt like I was having a bad LSD trip in some kind of perfect Home and Garden TV finished basement for fucking killing, vampire style.

Then I saw Alice dart to the couch.

She tossed the huge canvas away from the couch and huddled over something. The muffled scream, oh god, that drowning whine was a human's throat mercilessly ripped.

I started to puke in my mouth.

I think it was Rosalie, "Oh great, now the human is puking from seeing this shit. I knew she should not have come down here."

I could not choke down the burning puke from flying onto cement floor. It tasted like the chicken soup I ate a few hours ago, thin and oily.

I stuttered, "Edward?"

It was Rosalie, "You are not going to want to see this, Bella. Go back upstairs."

No! I had to see Edward and know that he was alright. I did not know any of these vampires but I knew him and he was nowhere to be heard.

Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I licked my cracked lips. Finding the strength, I turned to face them.

Edward was on the floor. Oh fuck me, he looked to thin, like he was mummified.

I ran to him and fell onto the floor. I did not care if they all saw me spill emotions over his body; I had to have him in my arms.

"Edward! Where are you? I can not hear you! What have you done to yourself?"

The big man holding Rosalie took me gingerly by my shoulders and tried to pull me off his body. I was not budging.

"Honey, we have to get him over to the couch so he can drink. He won't be able to do that with you slumped over him. We don't have a lot of time, so come on and move away."

I was crying harder than I had in years.

I was feeling more than I knew possible.

His cool ice fire was running through me and I felt our connection breaking like chunks of ice in an ocean.

We were floating on two different paths away from the other.

My heart's beating speed increased until it doubled the normal rate. I was loosing him. He was dying and needed blood. In that moment, I felt my whole world disappear.

I never knew who I was.

I was never going to know who I could be without Edward in my arms.

Screaming at them all, "Give me something to cut myself with! Now!"

The big guy said, "No fucking way, Honey. We have the fluid he needs over on the couch. Don't be a martyr when you don't have to be one."

"Who the fuck are you to tell me not to try and save him? Look at him! I can't hear him."

What in the hell was wrong with me? I was yelling off a huge ass vampire that could crush me in a second. I was screaming at him about what the right way to handle bringing Edward back to life was.

I was terrified that he was dead and that I would never hear his voice in my mind like a silk sheer scarf blowing in the wind.

In a haze, I watched as Rosalie wrestled Alice off the human on the couch. The large vampire shoved me off Edward's body and took him to the couch. He carried him like a sick child.

The blood inside of me was thrusting and beating against my veins. I closed my eyes and felt Edward leaving my body. I wanted to shout and fucking scream over the utter misery of his ice leaving my veins. It was like turpentine being dumped into my ears the way the blood was swishing against my ear drums. Pounding and throbbing while dissolving my flesh into nothing.

I would never hear him.

I would never fuck him.

I would never be loved to death.

Sucking in air, I wanted to die with him and I felt like it was happening.

Alice was moaning on the floor and Rosalie was aiding her.

Esme was on her cell phone.

Edward's face was being shoved into the open crater that Alice had caused the dying human, on their neck.

I was pressed against the cold concrete walls wailing loudly. I was gnashing my vocal chords in the waves that croaked from my dry throat.

He had to fucking live.

_'Shh, I am drinking.'_

I jumped up and yelled, "EDWARD!" His voice in my mind was like a thousand bees stinging me awake from a nightmare.

Running to his side, I saw his face moving in the open wound. His back muscles were expanding and contracting from his powerful mouth sucking in the blood.

The waves of relief were gripping me like an orgasm.

He was going to live.

I heard his voice again, _'Shh, I'm fine. Go upstairs; you do not need to see this side of me.'_

Was he fucking insane? Of course, I had to be here with him. It is who he was and I accepted.

I said out loud, "This is the life I want. I know what you do and I don't fucking care. If you are alive then I want to be a part of everything."

The big vampire shot me a huge smile showing his canines, "Honey, you are one messed up chick. Good pick, Edward. I mean, if you are going to claim a human, it might as well be one that's fucked in the head."

Tearing off the body, Edward slammed the vampire into the drywall.

"Shut your fucking mouth, Emmett."

Note to self, his name is Emmett.

"Awe man, do not be a douche. I was being me, you know, fun loving and joking."

"Fuck you."

Turning from Emmett, Edward had blood all over his serene face.

In my mind he whispered, _'Do not be afraid of me in this condition. I had to feed, something I will never do in front of you again.'_

I whispered back, '_I do not care. You are fucking alive. I thought I lost you.'_

Emmett boomed, "You two better not be talking and not letting us know what the hell is said. This is some mighty fucked up shit we have going on here in the basement."

I ran into Edward's open and blood covered arms.

I did not care that the slime on his face was still warm from the prey's neck. It was a part of the man I was in love with and I accepted him.

He was as alive as he could be.

I was as dead as an alive human could be.

Together, we would just be.

**A/N: Chapter 15 is all Alice and I love her.**

**Thanks for reading, and PLEASE review!!!!**

**For all those that have been reviewing, you make my fucking day like a cup of coffee, a cig and a beer (Not in that order or maybe, all depends on the day). All of which are highly important to me!!**


	15. Perceptions Change

Chapter 15 - Perceptions Change

**A/N: Ladies!!! I have the beer and the smokes! You bring the coffee for the after party! Thanks for the stellar reviews. I heart you all!**

*****Jade Bangle, you totally kicked my ass with the corrections needed to this chapter. I love you!!!*****

APOV:

Rosalie was huddled over my healing body. She was trying to cover my nakedness, like it fucking mattered.

"It is OK, Alice. You are going to live and we are going to get you some help."

Right, because the shrinks of America helped the undead. They loved their vampire clients. White jackets anyone?

I replied in my gravelly voice, "Sure, Rosalie, sure we will."

I did not have the blood to waste but sure as fuck the blood tears were rolling down my cheeks. I wanted to die.

I was ready to leave this fucking miserable world but no, Edward the savior had to come and "help" me.

What was his god damn deal? Why did he have to be a hero, when he was just as depraved as the rest of us?

The images shattered my train of thought. I saw him with that human, holding her in his open and bloody arms.

Then my brain took me into another vision of the future. Her face was lathered in blood and as she smiled, I saw chunks of her prey hanging from her teeth. Oh, fuck me; she was going to become a vampire.

I rolled into Rosalie's open lap and let her pet my matted, blood drenched hair. The pain of the wounds was nothing compared to the desolate emptiness that coursed through me. It was why I wanted to die.

Why was death so easy for a human and an ordeal for me?

Rosalie said, "Let me carry you upstairs, OK? We will get you in the shower and wash away the blood. Then I can see how bad your scars will be and if there is anything we can do to minimize their impact on your skin."

Always conscious of beauty, Rosalie thought that I would care about the scars.

Fuck her.

I didn't care if my skin was distorted for the rest of my existence, especially since I was going to be alone.

Picking me up, she took me away from the sight of Edward holding Bella.

His eyes of amber flecked with red stones watched me as I watched him.

He was such a fucking prick for choosing a human over me. I tried to push all of my thoughts of jealousy and rage at him.

If I could have heard his thoughts I am sure he would have responded that I was a selfish bitch who did not understand what he was feeling.

He was wrong.

We were fine until the human Bella. Since last night, her presence burned into me because of Edward's desire to have her, to touch her, to be inside of her and feel her warm flowers wrap around him.

The thought of a warm human that loved me was like daggers into my spine paralyzing me from walking towards the cold night that I lived with Jasper.

I did not blame Edward for my heartache but he sure the fuck propelled me into a tail spin with that fucking human.

He needed to watch over her very carefully. I did not want her to live, as a human or as a vampire.

Laying me into the tub, Rosalie turned on the warm water to wash away the remnants of plundering of Mike's body and suicide.

"Just sit in the shower for a few minutes. When you can stand I will help you."

Whatever, "I don't need help but thanks for the offer. You can go and make sure Emmett is alright."

I knew Rosalie's only concern was Emmett. It always was and always will be.

The shower head pelted water all over my body and I was warm.

It was like the day I was changed. Even though the month was October, it was warm with the distant sun.. The sun was setting and I was swinging my feet in the water of a pond near my home.

I never minded the chill of an October evening's water, when the summer heat had warmed the top of the waves that lapped against my skin.

Joining me at the hidden lake with the small fresh water pond, was the first love of my human life.

So many times that summer, we giggled that summer as the blue gills suckled on my toes like they were the pieces of bread we fed them.

So many times, I found pleasure in him taking my soul, my heart, my virginity. God damn, I loved how he sweetly held me under the willow trees that lined the pond and gently kissed away my worries.

My father was focused on my two older brothers. I was the daughter, someone who needed a suitable dowry to find a substantial husband.

My father did not approve of Laurent and said that I was better suited for a more stable man. He wanted me to marry Paul, a local business man.

I hated Paul.

I loved Laurent.

The tintalizing love I had with Laurent was overflowing with promises of requited love and permanence.

I believed him.

After I became a vampire, I knew that I believed him for a reason. He was alone and lost without me. Our souls were woven together like an ornate mosaic.

It was a few months after I met Jasper that I went to him.

He was alone in his college dorm room. I did not knock because I snuck in through his window.

When he saw me, he thought I was a ghost.

He started to scream my name in the dark room lit with the moon. His aura danced against the shimmering moon lit walls. It was a wonderful garnet color; dark and iridescent.

I ran to him and held him in my arms. God, I loved Jasper but I wanted Laurent. I wanted to be held in the October sun with water splashing against my feet.

I wanted him to make love to me, slow and methodic, under the willow trees with the sprigs of grass my only cushion.

I wanted to feel him pressing into me with his warm dick and his heated lips.

I was the fog that exits the lungs on a chilly morning. He was repulsed when he held my cold and steely body against his.

"Alice? What happened? Where have you been? Do you know the hell your family and I have suffered?"

Suffered? He knew nothing of suffering and would not.

Kissing his hot lips against his will, I replied, "I had to come and see you. I had to..."

Pushing me out of his arms, "Are you deranged? What is wrong with you? Why are you chilled to the bone?"

I knew that he would resist me. I knew that he would not love me. I knew that I was a wild animal. At that moment, I did not see him as my lover under the sunshine and swaying limbs of the trees. I did not see him as the man that bathed with me in the warm summer water of the pond.

I saw him as the man that would never love a varmint like me.

I felt my fangs stretch against my closed lip grin. If I could not have him, ever, then no one could.

'But no!' I screamed to myself. This was the man that held me in the sweet scent of spring. This was the man that swam with me in the summer. This was the man that rocked me gently into my first experience of being a woman. He was the man who caressed my face and licked my tears when I knew my father would never approve. His soothing voice praised our love and told me I was beautiful and intelligent. This was the man I lost in the autumn wind verging on the winter chill I became.

This man, I could not hurt.

Shaking, his arms tried to hold me again but someone came through the window.

It was Jasper.

Sneering, "So, this is the living ghost of the funeral that is about to occur? Alice, Darling, why would you forsake me with this human?"

The gleam in his eyes was dire for the need to kill. I knew that Laurent was going to die a horrid death.

Jasper had the ability to feel emotions. He was an empath. He must have known that I was sneaking away to remember what I was, what I was before I became a monster.

I had to know that Laurent could not love me or I would never live happily with Jasper.

Jaspers voice was raspy, "Really, Alice, why would you do this to yourself and the human that you cared for so deeply? I told you that seeing humans you knew, after your change, should never happen. Yet here you sit. You sit here trying to hold onto something that you will kill. There is no question about his death. There is no question about your thirst for his warmth and his love. Why?"

I could not answer him but clung tighter to the man, the only person that knew me as a human. If I lost him, I lost all of my humanity.

Even after my killing spree of joy with Jasper, I regretted the feeling that Laurent could be the prey of another depraved killing couple.

Laurent gasped his heated air into my ear, "Alice, what is happening?"

Oh, poor Laurent... my lover in the scented spring air, the warm summer sun, and the lazy days of autumn. My poor Laurent was going to die tonight by my own hands.

I took his face into my hands and kissed his thin lips. I wanted to taste the eternal suffering of killing him.

I knew that Jasper would derive the most pleasure from me begging him not to kill Laurent. He would wallow in my pleas.

Jasper toyed with the gold cross he always wore around his neck. His strong fingers ran the charm along the chain that hung under his hollow of his throat.

The malicious Jasper and the sweetness of my first love tore me.

Dropping my hands from Laurent's face, I stood from his warm bed.

I will burn in hell if I ever die, I chanted to myself.

The throbbing of my clit was painful, as I went into Jaspers arms.

He possessively wove around my body like a snake.

Smiling as he kissed my forehead, "Did you bring me here to play with him or to say goodbye?"

No matter my reasons I knew the outcome so I lied.

"I brought you here to kill him with me. I knew you would sense I was leaving and for this reason. I want nothing, no blood drinking, killing, or emotions, without you present."

Petting my head, "That's a good little vampire girl. That's my wonderful, Alice. Now tell me, Darling, how do you want him to know his god? Do you want him to feel him or just kill him?"

I wanted to feel Laurent inside of me one more time before he died so I replied, "I want him to feel his god."

"Very well then, he shall feel the god that will kill him. Go."

Shoving me from his arms, I ran to Laurent. His face was miserably afraid. It was going to get worse before it got better for my love.

Stripping in a choppy tease before him, I saw him get hard. I could feel his blood pounding into his hot human cock.

With the mere pull of my finger, his clothing was shredded and I mounted him. I slowly rocked my body down onto his flaming cock and felt like it was summer. I pretended it was the first time I thrust upon him in the field by the pond.

He was so warm around my cold walls. He filled me like no other human or vampire ever would be able.

As I moved in stride with him, my feet felt like they were kicking the warm water on the pond before my demise.

I held onto his chest and started to ride him harder. His cries I did not hear because I was surrounded with my own forest of splendor.

I did not know that I snapped his cock off of his body.

I did not know that I was the last god his feeble body would feel.

When I unmounted his body, I saw the bloody stub and saw his terrified eyes begging me for help.

Jasper helped him with a quick death.

Wiping his mouth, "Now, Darling, is that the last human you want to pretend you are a human with again or am I going to have to chase you all over town?"

I was crying red tears, "No, Jasper, he was the only one. I thought..."

Pulling me into a hug, "We all think that, Darling. Just don't you ever do that to me again because in my jealousy I wanted to make him a female and play our games."

I smiled at him through the blood stains in my eyes, "Really? You wanted to torture him because of me?"

Kissing my forehead, "You are my everything now that I found you."

And that was how Jasper and I became a solitary unit.

I wanted to hide from myself. How could Jasper not know that I had almost died? He knew my feelings like my own.

Even Edward tried to save me but not Jasper.

It was true.

Jasper did not care.

**A/N: So... Do we think that poor Alice has had a hard time and is a freak because of it or is she just a freak?**

**Have you ever drank Wild Blue Beer? MMMMMMM, blueberry beer tastes likes Bella or some fucked up shit like that... It's 8% so what the fuck do I care?**


	16. Perceptions are Beautiful

**Chapter 16 - Changes are Beautiful**

**A/N: *Sigh* It's Edward and Bella time.**

**Jade Bangle... you already know it but hearts and hugs all over you!**

**EPOV**

My life was bodies that had piled up sky high. I had sailed my ship in the ocean of blood. I watched as the piles of death, like the tower of Babel fell to the salted earth.

And fall they did.

It was magic, wonderful, to see the bodies crumbled around me in the depth of the caverns that even a submarine could not reach.

It was my death.

Then the sky was full of purple, like amethysts and for the first time I learned how to scream 'NO!'

I was not ready to leave because I smelled her chocolate heat and I knew that she was near my sandpaper mouth in the neck of Mikey.

She was watching me and not seeing that the body was Mikey's.

She wanted me to be the life that was above and below her. What the fuck was wrong with her?

I am getting what I want and I will want it again and again... her life, her blood, her being with me, even during feeding.

When I was done fueling myself, I saw her standing there, shaking with relief.

I took her into my blood covered arms and she leaned into my face like she was going to kiss me.

What the fuck was wrong with her?

Vampire or not, I was a man first and foremost and fuck it, I was tired of being alone.

I took her supple lips into mind and she groaned a sigh of relief. It was like she was enjoying the blood in her mouth...

I was done being alone in this life when there was a warped human that would live it with me. Suddenly, age, life, human, and vampire did not matter. She was shaking me out of my shell from Victoria. I was breaking out of everything that held me.

Could I escape the bitterness that held me for years? Could I love a woman, human or vampire?

I think that I could if that woman was Bella.

It was official, I felt the weight within myself heave and burst against the damns of my blood soaked being.

She was my sunshine and I was her moonlight.

She watched me eat.

She loved me.

She did not care.

What now?

This spider web was tangled enough without thinking about the wretched things that I wanted to do to her body.

She was in my arms. Her hot heat pressed and pulked me closer to her. She wanted our bodies to merge into one being.

I heard her, loud and clear, that she wanted to mold against me.

Mumbling into her hair, her fucking sweet blueberry hair, "Lets go back to your place."

I felt her nodding her head against my chest.

She wanted me.

She wanted me to hold her.

I wanted to hold her.

I looked around at the mess in the basement and the dead body of Mike. Did she know that was Mike on the couch? Did she care?

I spoke to Esme, "We are leaving."

She replied in her bitch tone, "I think that is a wonderful idea. We have quiet the mess to clean up here and that human must understand the responsibility she now shoulders."

Bella's head was buried in my blood covered shit and I kissed her head. "She understands, Esme. There will not be an issue with her saying anything to anyone."

Pointing to Mike, "And this body? What should we do with this dead carcass?"

I picked Bella up and cradled her into my arms, "Do what you always do, burn the fucker."

Emmett was grinning at me and it was pissing me off.

Walking towards us, he said, "Have fun with that human. She is a brave little shit to be awake after seeing everything she did today. I don't know where you found her but she's a keeper."

Yes, yes she fucking was someone that I wanted to keep alive.

Rosalie came up behind him and wrapped her strong arms around his stomach, "Let Edward take his toy home so he can play."

I could not stand that bitch.

I didn't do her the honor of responding.

Holding Bella tighter, her hands wrapped into my hair as she gently kissed my neck full of scars. It was time to go to her home, now.

Bolting out of the Cullen house, I ran at my blinding speed but held her in my arms instead of on my back. I needed her close to me.

She was now my everything.

Hoping on her balcony, I entered the door I never locked.

She did not release her arms from my neck.

"Bella, we are at your apartment. You can let go."

She mumbled into my chest, "No."

Smiling and sighing, "I have to clean up."

Her lips still pressed into my chest, "I will clean up with you. I don't want you to let me go."

I carried her into the bathroom and set her feet on the ground. Her arms were like chains, wonderful prison chains, around my neck.

"I have to shower, Bella."

She fluttered her eyes as she looked at my face. She had smears of red all over from keeping her face pressed into my shirt.

"Then I have to shower too."

Her voice was a tiny whisper against the harsh white walls and tile in the small bathroom.

I smiled, a full smile, and kissed her forehead, "If that is what you wish then yes, you need to shower too."

I felt the trumping of her heart accelerate as I opened the plastic shower curtain and turned on the water to a hot full blast.

I never met a vampire that didn't love a warm shower.

I took her arms from around my neck as she made a small groaning sound. It was as though being removed from my body pained her.

I started to take off my grey t-shirt as she watched in wonder. It was almost comical if it was not so important to me that she loved every minute of what was about to happen.

Her eyes trailed over my muscles and wandered down to my happy trail that was peeking out from my jeans slung low on my hips.

I felt my cold cock pressing against my jeans as she stared at my hips.

I gently took my hands and removed the jacket that I had placed on her. It fell to the floor and her tattered T-shirt was the next to fall.

Perfection, her breasts, so small but round and... touchable. I hesitated until her hand took mine and pressed it against her tight pink nipple. She tossed her head back and sighed in relief. Because of me, this woman was sighing relief from her burning desire to be touched. Loved, as she should have been all the years she spent with the now dead Mike.

I knew that I should do something other than just hold her breast but I had never fucked a human. I wasn't sure how to proceed with her delicate body but that thought came to a quick stop.

Quick as a wildfire in the August heat, her hands went to my pants and started to take off my belt.

I let her lead. I didn't know her strength, or mine against her. If I let her lead the pace then I could gage my own furry.

As my zipper was running against my hard cock, my pants fell to the floor and I heard her gasp.

I never wore underwear, I hated them.

"Holy shit, Edward. You have a..."

She fell to her knees and wrapped her warm mouth around the head of my dick.

I didn't speak.

I couldn't breathe.

I was enamored by her eagerness and desire.

This was really happening.

Her thin lips were gliding up and down my hard cock and I started to cough from the shock. I still had caked blood all over me and she was eager to give me a blowjob. Not just any blowjob but she was thrusting her head back and forth, hard.

I took my hands and tentatively wrapped them in her long brown hair.

Her eyes darted up to me and I saw the desire gleam.

She was fucking me with her mouth and enjoying every moment. Her eyes were showing me that this was bringing her ecstasy.

I lost myself in the thrusting of her vocal chords against my cock and the small gurgling sounds she was emitting.

I forced my hands to resist from pushing her harder and faster against me.

She was a human. I had to be careful with her.

I loved her...

I felt my pleasure mounting as she started to scrap her teeth my shaft as she swallowed the head of my cock.

Fuck me, she knew how to give a fucking blowjob.

I wanted to ram myself down her throat but I let her take her time with my pleasure.

The mist from the hot shower started to suffocate the bathroom and sweet started dripping down the walls from the moisture.

Everything was spinning for me.

I was being mouth fucked by a beautiful human that had her ex boyfriend's blood splattered all over her from my body.

I watched her head and then her small breasts bounce back and forth, as her teeth continued to scrape on my shaft.

Fuck.

I felt my release bullet from my balls through my shaft and knew that Bella was not only mine from claiming her but she was mine entirely.

**BPOV**

The cold cum shot down my throat like I swallowed an ice cube.

His scent, his taste, was like licking a metal pole in a basement and I loved it.

I got up with my chest heaving. I knew that I shook him with the blow job. I knew that he was not expecting me to be that aggressive or to take him in deeply.

I knew that he was hesitating with his desire to ram my head harder onto his cock and I appreciated his patience.

When I became a vampire, I would give him the best vampire blowjob ever.

That was definitely my goal.

I would be like him and soon.

I did not want the life that I knew all of these years.

I wanted Edward.

I wanted to be with him in every conceivable manner.

I knew that he wanted that too, somewhere, but had not acknowledged it... yet.

He would soon and then I would become a part of his black tapestry of night.

Pulling me against his chest, he said, "What in the fuck was that?"

I smiled up into his brown and red eyes, "A blowjob."

Smirking, "No fuck, Bella."

Laughing, he started to take of my sweat pants and my granny panties. I was embarrassed but it's not like I knew what the fuck was going to happen in the past few hours. I was still in my pj's from the beating this morning.

He was on his knees as he removed the pants and panties from my feet.

He took his head and kissed my flat lower belly. His lips hovered and went to my hip bone. His cool lips tingled and sent waves of chilly sensations through my hot body.

He traced with his full and firm lips from hip bone to hip bone but never dipped far below my belly button where I was dying to feel his kiss.

He looked up at my heavy lidded eyes with surging desire and whispered against my lower belly, "I cannot do this tonight, Bella. Your scent, your heat, your wetness, it will drive me to an oblivion of not knowing what I am doing. I cannot loose control around you or you will be dead. Tell me that you understand?"

Oh, I understood. If I drank blood then his metallic taste of his cock would have driven me insane.

I can only imagine the restraint it took for him to be close to my core.

Hearing me, he dropped his head against my smooth pussy and breathed deeply, in and out.

The cool air hitting my hot folds made me want him with a vicious desire that was devouring my sanity.

"No, Bella, not tonight, but soon. I have to build up a tolerance against your scent, your warmth. God, to know what your true flavor would taste like has me throbbing with a raveging lust that is pounding ice through my veins."

He quickly, too quickly, pulled away from me and hung his head. His hands started to run through his messy, shaggy hair like he was holding his thoughts inside of his skull.

As the shower mist swirled around us, I dropped to my knees and brought him into my arms.

Our naked bodies, fire and ice, held the other like the memories of everything we thought possible.

He loved me.

We would make this work.

Timidly I said into his ear, "Lets take our shower." My fingers grazed his neck scars and I felt him pull back.

"This is sick, Bella. It's wrong and sick."

I kissed his ear, "I am good at sick relationships. I would rather be dating a vampire than someone that beats the fuck out of me. Does that make me insane?"

"Yes," he said laughing, "Yes, it does. I love the insane."

"Good."

I brought my face back to his and kissed his full sensuous lips.

"Now, Edward, lets take a shower so we can wash the blood of that human..." I stopped talking because it clicked in my mind. That human, that was Mike... "I mean Mike, off us."

"You knew?" He asked in an incredulous voice.

I did not answer but started to stand and took his hands. He was still kneeling on the ground before me.

He buried his head against my aching pussy and took several deep breaths.

"I have to overcome the urge so that I can please you as you just pleased me."

I did not move a muscle. God I wanted him to take his tongue and show me what a vampire could do with a cold tongue. Like an ice-cube, I imagined it running all over my clit and sending an SOS to my heart.

"Please, Bella, I said soon," he said as he stood.

He took me in his arms and his hard cock was pressing against me.

Fuck, I wanted it in me.

"I cannot do that with you tonight either..."

"But, Edward, you can!" I knew he could. He had control, he could...

"I want to," he said, taking my chin into his thumb and forefinger. His thumb gently caressed my lip, "I want to badly but I fear I will hurt you. I need a few days and nights of being around you. Constantly smelling you and holding you should curtail the desire that I have to kill you."

Fuck me, his voice was smooth as he talked about killing me.

"Can we still shower together?" I pleaded to him.

The heat in the bathroom was making me sweat. There were small drops forming on my forehead and he leaned into me and licked one off me.

"I would love nothing more than to shower with you tonight."

Smiling, I pulled back the shower curtain.

I stepped into the pelting heat and watched his perfect figure follow me.

**A/N: Don't punch me but for real, he cannot have sex with her... yet! **

**Please review because you all know how I love reviews and wish I could party with the coolest chicks in FanFic land!**


	17. Beautiful Breakdown

**Chapter 17 - Beautiful Breakdowns **

**A/N: Sorry it's taken forever to post. I hope to be back into the swing of writing :)**

**Thanks Jadey Baby for hanging in there with me during my own personal beautiful breakdown!**

**APOV**

The warm water started to turn cold in the shower, cold like who I was now. A dead cold bitch with biting teeth.

Huddling into the corner of the tub, I watched the water rain down and turn pink as my bloody tears were washed away.

I dragged my ass out of the shower.

Fuck being cold.

I wanted to bundle up in sweaters, heating blankets, and thermal underwear to take away the abysmal cold that possessed me for the rest of this fucking life.

Laying on the bed, naked, I shivered. Alone.

In my mind I saw Bella, again. God damn, I hated her. I wanted to kill her and not because I had a fucking fling with Edward.

I wanted to kill her because she was exactly what I liked to eat. She was perfect for my games.

Her thin body, strung up on my chandelier and swinging with vanilla scented candles burning.

I loved the smell of vanilla as it wafted off the burning wax.

Maybe I would to dribble the hot wax on her destroyed flesh and hear her scream in the utter abandement of sanity.

I know that she would taste divine. She smelled like pancakes, blueberry pancakes. She had a vanilla undertone to her scent. Since I do not eat human food, she is the closest to a breakfast with syrup and buttered pancakes I could eat.

If I killed her, Edward would kill me.

If I did not kill, her Edward would stay with her.

If I was being honest, it was not Edward that I loved or missed.

It was Jasper but Edward filled the void.

I needed him more than that human bitch that should be my breakfast.

Sighing, I started to tremble from the vast openness of the bed minus another body.

When you are always cold, you never get the chills but I was shaking in the empty bed. I had gotten used to Edward being against me and now he was gone.

Like everyone in my life, gone.

The red tears started to soak my pillow and I didn't hear the person in my room. Even if I had heard them, or saw the vision of them coming to me, it would not have mattered. I was beyond reproach with the misery of myself.

The rustling in the corner of the room brought me back into the present. I laid still in the bed. My muscles were in a vice grip as my mind tried to decipher who would dare to enter my room uninvited. I listened to the breathing.

It sounded sickly, like the intruder had bronchitis. Thick wheezes of phelgm slapped the air like a flat tire on pavement. It was a hiss of breathe being sucked into the ill lungs followed by the exhale of gurgling.

Tentatively I sniffed the air and asked, "Who is here?"

The scent was woodsy, like the person had been sleeping in the leaves and dirt for months.

It was a vampire. I could smell the metallic undertone in the earthy scent.

The feminine voice startled me as she gaily responded in her cracked voice, "Where is he?"

He? "He who?" I replied and waited for the rasping woman to respond.

In her gnarled voice, "Edward."

Oh fucking great. I had some deranged vampire in my bedroom looking for the man that left me for that human bitch.

Annoyed, I sat up and responded, "He is at his girlfriend's house. What the fuck is it to you where he is and who the fuck are you?"

Yikes, the vampire was ugly as fuck. Her face was twisted with scars and bite marks. She looked like vampire roadkill.

At some point in her human life she was attractive but as a vampire she was a horror show. I could see the gentle curve of her chin and the almond shape of her eyes. They were not maired by the bubbled flesh of red angry tissue. What the fuck happened to this chick?

It takes a lot for me to be psyched out by a vampires appearance but if I saw her in the woods I would run the other way.

In her gurgling voice, "Girlfriend?"

Oh shit, this was going badly.

"Um, yeah, his girlfriend's." In that moment I was very relieved that I was no longer Edward's girlfriend, if I ever was.

Sharp like the shards of rust, "I smell him all over this room. Do not lie to me."

I needed a new approach to handle this wacked vampire, "Look, lets start over. My name is Alice and yes, Edward was staying here but he's not any longer."

The vampire walked to the edge of my bed and sat down. "I am Gretchen."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Gretchen. Why are you looking for Edward?"

Then I saw it. She had the psychosis that we all fear like the swine flu. Fuck me blind, she was insane.

She tossed her head back and started to laugh. I always kept a stake in my night stand in case a crazed vampire or vampire hunter tried to kill me. I thought it would be Jasper, not some screwed up bitch looking for Edward.

While she continued to laugh, I pulled the stake from the night stand and slipped it under my pillow.

Snapping her head back to face me, "Why am I looking for Edward? Why? Oh, I will tell you why. That dastardly charming bastard made me this ugly creature that kills. Do you know what he did?"

Her pitched rose as she cocked her twisted eyebrow, "Do you know how he did it? Do you know why he did it? NO! And I don't either. I have waited for my time to tear inside of him and wallow in his blood as he did mine. It's been sixty years." She buried her face in her hands and I could barely hear her mumble, "I have tried to live and accept this life but no one, no vampire, no human, no one wants to spend time with a freak show. That is what I am! I am the killer that even killers find horrid. Do you see these scars all over my face? Look at my neck.!"

She stood from the bed and started to strip off her clothing. I wanted to scream but it didn't matter. If she was going to attack me there was no time for screaming. My hand slipped under the pillow and held the stake as she continued to strip. I didn't want to get to close to the bitch. I do not understand the psychosis and if that shit was transferable from contact I did not want to shower her blood all over my fucking bed.

"Look at my chest, my arms, my breasts, my stomach… LOOK AT ME!"

She looked like a burn victim with the amount of scars that covered at least 70% of her body. Jesus, if Edward did this too her he deserved the wrath of her hunting him. He deserved her crooked teeth to shred into his skin.

She started to manically laugh as she swayed from side to side. It was like she was waltzing with herself. I gripped the stake harder.

She spoke in her thick voice while she continued to sway back and forth, "You don't have to worry about me killing you. I can hear you thinking. I am insane enough to attack you. You are right. I would attack you but I am saving all of my fury for that mother fucker, Edward. Tell me where he is, NOW!"

I thought that all vampires with the psychosis would kill any vampire they encountered.

I guess that's folklore. This vampire was definitely infected with the Weindigo but she was restraining herself from harming me and saving all of her destruction for Edward.

I should kill her.

I should not kill her because if she killed Edward, I could have Bella…

I felt myself salivating at the thought of her tight body hanging from my dinner theatre. Maybe she could be a gift to Jasper when he returns. Maybe she could entice him to play with me again.

Maybe I was being selfish.

Kill the bitch, Alice. Fucking kill her now.

Tossing her long hair to the side, "Alice, you will not kill me."

She was right.

"Tell me where Edward is and tell me now. I see him in your head. I can hear that you know where he is so tell me!"

Fuck… "Alright, fine but I do not know the god damn street address. I know that he is at his human girlfriend's apartment and I am sure they are fucking like wild boars."

"Human?"

I tossed her a snide glare, "Oh yeah, he is so absurd. He fell in love with a fucking human."

Her scared lip quivered, "Human?"

"Look, Gretchen, do whatever you need to do but leave the human alone. I want her for my own."

Gretchen started to put her clothing back on and I was grateful. I could not stand looking at her deformed body.

"Since you provided me the information I needed I will leave you and the human alone."

In a flash, she darted out of the bedroom and I shivered over the images of what she was going to do the Edward.

I ran to Rosalie and Emmett's room. I heard them fucking, the hard slapping of his thick thighs against her ass, and frowned. I hated to interrupt them but the family had to know that an infected vampire was on the loose in our town.

Pounding on the door, I called for them. "Come on you two! This is fucking important."

I heard grunts, groans of resistance and then Rosalie pulled open the door, "What the fuck, Alice? Jesus."

She was naked and smoothing her messy hair. Emmett was pulling on sweatpants and grabbed a robe off the chair. Slipping it onto Rosalie, Emmett said, "For real, Alice. What the fuck?"

I pushed into their room and sat on the bed, "I just had a visitor…"

Emmett heard the strain in my voice, "OK, and who would that be?"

"It was a vampire with the psychosis."

Rosalie scoffed, "No fucking way. How are you alive?"

I dagger a look towards her, "It was not me she was hunting. She had control and was waiting to release her rage on Edward."

Emmett growled, "Edward? What the fuck did he do to have a psychosis vampire after his ass?"

I replied, "She was disgusting. She had scars all over her body and said that it was Edward that made her."

Emmett smirked, "I knew that kid was fucked up. There was something about him that never made much sense. So, this vampire is after him for changing her?"

Twisting my hands into my short hair like my brain was about to explode, "That's what I'm telling you!"

Rosalie darted her cold eyes into me, "Why didn't you kill the bitch? I know that you keep a stake near your bed."

Dropping my hands and twining them together, "This is not my fight. If she wants to kill Edward who am I to stop her?"

She growled, "Who are you? That's a god damn good question, Alice. You know who you are? You are the fucked up little vampire princess that appreciates nothing Edward did for you tonight. He is the only reason your stupid ass is alive. He fucking almost drained himself to save you and you send some psychosis stalker to kill him? Fuck me, you are one cold hearted bitch."

Her words hurt like drinking from a cough syrup tasting, diseased black aura.

Tossing my hands into the air, "Rosalie, it's not my fight. It's not my kill. Edward can kill her."

Rising from the bed she slapped her hands onto her hips, "No! No he can not because he is in LaLa land with that human. You know that you selfish bitch. After everything he did for you, you send the first vampire looking for him to make his death bed. And what about that human? What do you think will happen to her? I saw the way you were looking at her. I know that you want to play you bloody dinner games with her. She is not yours, Alice.

She. Is. Edward's

You cannot kill her. If you even try, I will stake your dead heart myself. This had gone far enough."

Bitting my lip, "What has?" Fuck me she was pissed.

Sauntering towards me like she was Miss America, "What has? Seriously, Alice, your whining and mopping around this house like your soul was taken. We all have been more than patient with you. Edward's arrival was a blessing because we did not have to cater to poor little wrecked Alice. Then, tonight, with the suicide attempt, it was so typical! You should have died, Alice, you might not be infected but you are the one that is diseased."

Emmett put his hands on her shoulders, "Alright, Rose. That's enough. We need to get over to Bella's apartment and help Edward out."

Stomping her foot, "No, I am not going to help Edward out. I agree with Alice that it's his war. I am not willing to die for Edward and you know how strong a vampire with the psychosis can be. I am not willing to loose you either so you are not going. We will call Carlisle and let him do what he thinks is best. My point about Alice is that she should of killed the bitch when she had the opportunity but she didn't because she is self focused. I really do not like you, Alice, and I wonder if I ever did like you."

"Well, thank you for your honesty, Rosalie." My voice thick with sarcasm. What the fuck did I care if she liked me or not. She was not important in my life. She was just another vampire in a house that did not understand me..

It was time for me to leave and find a new family. I knew that Esme hated me and now Rosalie did too.

Emmett would follow Rosalie's lead and Carlisle just kept me around to monitor my killing habits.

Rosalie was right. I was a selfish vampire princess and I no longer had my prince.

I left their room and pulled out the luggage that I had for over fifty years. I did not have many items, just clothing and makeup.

I never kept anything personal because personal items were for the living. When you were dead, nothing mattered, nothing was emotional. Items were just items. The only thing I was going to take with me was Jasper's cross necklace and his letters.

Sitting on my bed I opened the second letter he had sent me.

My Darling Alice,

The world is wild with forest fires of lust. Nothing compares to the fire in your eyes. Last night, I saw a young doe that would drive you crazy with need to torture. For a brief moment, I felt the urge to purge upon her the repressed desires I hold to feast to fuck. It was only a brief moment and then I returned to reality.

The reality is that I need you in my life. I want you, my Darling drug. I cannot have you in the liquid sky of my dreams. Have you thought about joining me? Do you miss my cool caresses and light kisses? Do you have the sleepless nights where you wrestle with the beast that joined us?

Can you focus your thoughts on changing?

Regards from your lover,

Jasper.

I could leave this house. It was not my home. I could leave every mortal thing. I could live in the dirt and the leaves of the forest, alone. But... I could not live without knowing that Jasper knew where he could find me. I could not breathe knowing that his dead heart was not beating without me.

Still, it was time to leave the Cullen's and Edward.

**A/N: Let me know what you think and thanks for reading!!!!!!!!**


	18. Breaking Down

**Chapter 18 - Breaking Down**

**Thanks dolls for reading!**

**Jade... You keep my fire burning. Thank you love.**

**BPOV:**

I was in his arms.

After the shower, we tenderly dried one another by wrapping the large fluffy bath towel around both of our bodies. We worshiped one another in the bathroom for an immeasurable amount of time. We stood felt one another pressed against ourselves melting into nothing. I pressed myself upon him like it was my last breathe. I looked into him and I saw the truth, I saw that I was fading into nothing. It did not matter that tomorrow we would have to face our new lives. Tonight was about solidarity and finding love.

My mind was confiscated by his beauty and his power. In his arms, the rest of the world was mute. I knew that he was silent in thought over his fear of me hearing him. I knew that this strangers heart was my home. I could hear it. At the same time I felt like he was pulling away from me and it scared the fucking hell out of me.

Every second that clicked by was brining me closer to him leaving. The desperation not to allow him to bury his feeling for me was causing waves of anxiety to pierce through our somber moments of peace.

I was confused and elated. I was in love and petrified that he was suffocating the fiery embers that burned in him for me. Would it be that easy for him to move on without me? I knew that I was not the same. Knowing him, knowing about him, altered the genetic makeup of my soul.

I was mentally clawing to bring him closer to me. I was running through everything I could do to keep him beside me. Kiss him, chain him, hold him, fuck him...

We had not spoken since we stepped into the shower. While in the shower his eyes held mine as the water pelted my back.

I watched in fascination as his face slowly, gently, came to mine. He took my bottom lip between his teeth and applied a light pressure. I felt his one fang gingerly pierce my skin and I moaned. His tongue swirled towards the small wound and he carefully closed his lips over the paper cut like slice.

Tentatively he sucked. I moaned in relief and then he sucked a little harder. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the pulsing throb of the blood seeping through the small wound and into his mouth. Opening my mouth, his tongue smeared with my blood swirled around mine and I tasted myself.

He would be the death of me.

I was the life for him.

I could never give him up and I would rather die than live without him near me, always.

He could suck the life out of me and I would bury the human side of me forever.

How could I communicate to him that he was not allowed to push me away while holding me close? Should I wrap my arms around his neck and dig my fingers into his hair? Should I tell him, scream at him, whisper to him that I loved him?

Wrapped in the towel, he picked me up and took me to my bed. Just a few hours ago this was my death bed by being ravaged from Mike's fatal blows. Now it was my death bed of salvation. It was where I wanted to disappear from the human shell and enter into the world of night with my beautiful savior.

I saw the conflict across his furrowed brow as we laid in bed. He was debating with himself about leaving me. He was justifying breaking me apart emotionally because he was "unhealthy" for me.

I buried my head into his neck, his scared neck, and began kissing the bubbled, smooth skin from him from his adam's apple up to his chin.

Suddenly he moved me with unnecessary force and pushed me off of him. I was on my back and he was hovering over me. His naked, marbled skin was causing mine to rise with goosebumps. I felt my nipples become steel under him. The burning from my core erased the chill his skin caused and replaced it with a scavenging need to feel him inside of me, hard and long, deep and tender, emanate and unknown...

The cool air he released from his lungs crossed my flushed face, "Bella, for the final time, I cannot make love to you tonight so please, stop encouraging me."

Stop encouraging him? How about I stop myself from wanting to have him plunder his teeth into my neck, drink me dry, and make me a part of his eternity. How about I control the throbbing pain in my clit and then I could focus on hearing him. He didn't understand, had no fucking clue, what he was doing to me by being so near me and so far.

My kisses on his scar laden neck were not entirely for sexual gratification. I was kissing him because I needed to feel him.

Taking my hands, I wrapped them around his torso and tried to pull him on top of me, "I promise to behave if you will just lay with me and stop thinking about leaving me."

A puzzled look crossed his face, "I know that you can hear some of my thoughts. Why are you only hearing the negative ones? Do you hear the chorus of praise that is running through my mind like a church choir at Sunday service? Do you hear me trying to find a place, a time, a space that I can be with you and you alone? Bella, do you know what you have done to me? I am nothing now without knowing and being near you."

Falling on top of me, I wanted to believe his words. I tried to listen to his mind thinking about finding a way to be with me, permanently but all I heard was the doubt and self loathing.

Sheepishly I asked, "Why are you lying to me?"

Sighing deeply he ran his hands across my stomach, "I am not lying. Be still and listen to my mind."

I tried but all I saw was him burying himself under the cool leaves of some foreign forest. I saw him running for days and not stopping, not feeding, not resting, until he could no longer stand from the weakness he exerted upon himself.

Moving a piece of my hair from across my face, he kissed my check. His lips lingered on my skin, "Is that really all you see?"

"Yes," I whimpered. I wanted to see the beautiful scenario of him discovering ways for us to be together.

The thought was so fleeting, so intense, like a bolt of lighting in a desert...

Suck my life away... murder me.

I started thinking it loudly, 'Suck my life away, murder me!'

In a low growl, "Bella..."

I did not respond. I kept on thinking my dream. It was like I was a bird learning to fly.

I could die .

It would let me be with him. There would be no worries about my mortality or him drinking my blood and accidentally killing me. We could run through the forests together. We could kill side by side. We could dance in the night on the evening wind and lay under cool leaves together in distant forests.

I wanted to die by Edward's powerful and delicious mouth.

I wanted his macabre death.

He began to trace his long fingers across my neck, "You want me to harm this wonderful piece of living art? You want me to scar you? You want to die and drink from the living? Do you even know what you are asking me to do to you?"

I silenced him with my lips.

His lips returned to the small slice on my swollen bottom lip. His tongue reopened the healing wound and he sucked hard.

I gasped at the small jolt of pain.

His hand ran down the side of my body and back up until he reached my breast. He sweetly began to rub my nipple while he continued to suck my lip.

The sensations of minor pain and major pleasure overtook my mind. All I could do was feel. Resisting the burning, blatant need my body had developed for him was useless. When his hand left my breast I let out a small whine but quickly replaced it with another gasp when I felt his fang slice another cut in my lip.

His hand danced across my stomach and began to trail down to my inner thigh.

Like a blubbering idiot, I ruined the moment. The moment that I needed and was so close to feeling, his hands inside of me, his mouth taking my blood, his resistance faltering, "Edward..."

Hearing his name, he released my lip, removed his hand, and fell onto his back.

"Bella, I do not want to leave you tonight but I can't stay this close. I'm loosing control and this is going to make my world tumble down, farther than it's ever crumbled."

Propping myself on my elbow I hovered over his miserable looking face. "I have nothing to live for. My family isn't close to me. My friends are dormant. I have waited my entire life to feel, to feel whatever in the fuck this is and I won't let you stop us from finding one another."

I watched as a crisp smile formed in his perfectly shaped lips, "How in the fuck did I stumble across you?"

"It does not matter. We found each other and now it's time to embrace the situation." I felt my strength in my words as I stared into his butterscotch eyes. "We only have two options."

"Oh really? And what are those options?" He started to look away from me so I took my hand and firmly held his jaw. His attempt to avert his eyes failed as he stared into my soul. "The first option is I stay human and you perpetually crave to kill me. The second option is to embrace me into your night and let the walls cave. Take me, make me, suck me, kill me, give me life, and make me yours."

Running his hand along the side of my face, "It's that simple for you? It's that clean cut and immediate? You have no thoughts on the aftermath of what you ask? You saw me in the basement at the Cullen's. You saw the blood smattered all over my body. That is what you would do to live. Do you know how wrong it is? How can you justify that it's right to kill to live?"

I dropped my head from hand and fell onto his chests. Wrapping my arms around his chest I mumbled into his neck, "We kill others everyday in the name of war, politics, religion... Humans kill humans and not for sustenance. Cant you understand that killing humans is worth it to be with you?"

"Ah, Bella, you simplify the plight of my kind."

"You over analyze what you must do to live."

"So, we can find no compromise?"

"There is no compromise."

The silence that rang through the room was like a wind storm. It swirled and twisted us harder into the other's arms as we thought.

Neither of us heard the sliding glass door in the family room creak open. All we could hear was the others thoughts about our options to hide into night with one another.

Neither of us knew that someone was waiting to open the door and slaughter us like idle cows in a field of daisies.

When the door slammed open, Edward flew off the bed. The trembling strength of his movements made my body fly through the air. I hit the wall and slide down it in a haze of confusion. Touching the back of my throbbing head I felt the hot liquid.

Cloudily I could hear Edward yelling that I needed to run. It didn't make sense. I was fine, the world was just a bit fuzzy.

Out loud he screamed, "For fuck sake, Bella, god damn run!"

Run?

Then I heard the thought trickling in from his overtly loud mind, 'Blood, Bella, your fucking head is bleeding and there is another vampire in the room. Fucking run!"

Oh shit. I tried to stand but my legs caved under the pressure of my throbbing head. I couldn't see what was happening, because it was a blur. I knew that Edward was fighting someone. I knew that I was in danger if the other vampire won.

I knew that my death, and not the way I wanted to die, was quickly approaching me.

When another figure entered into the room it was familiar...

Then the person started yelling at me, "Fucking hell! Only you, Bella! Jesus, get up and now! We only have a few seconds to get out of here."

The powerful arms swept my naked body into their embrace. Forcing my eyes to focus it was Jake.

**Review!!! PLEASE :)**

**Thanks for reading**


	19. Down the Trail

**Chapter 19 - Down the Trail**

**A/N: Thanks for reviewing! Oh, and I have not said it since Chap 1 but Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight.**

**Jade... you kicked me repeatedly on this chapter, appropriately so. Thanks Doll!**

**EPOV:**

Fuck!

It was Gretchen.

I knew that miserable bitch would find me one day. Of course it is today.

She is the epitome of a mistake.

I was alone in Missouri. I was killing and running from the daylight. I was engrossed in my misfortune of being the undead and lamenting was my grieving process. I had only been a vampire for a few years.

Understanding how the world could turn upside down was deplorable. Bella so quickly understood what she asked for. She knew that she would kill those that could have been her friend.

I didn't understand the circle of life and resented everyone and everything. My hate for Victoria was tremendous because of how careless she was with my transformation. Victoria was supposed to be my vampire Mother but instead she committed the infanticide of me and left me to discover this world on my own. Once I was changed, she tossed me to the side.

What if I changed Bella and she did not want me like Victoria?

When I killed the first young woman, Irina, who was trying to help me, I felt all the humanity disappear. Even the fascinating taste of her strawberry blood didn't erase the images of her limp body in my arms.

Losing myself, the humanity, was horrific but the taste of blood was all I would ever know.

It was all I ever wanted to know. It was like a tire kicking up dust during a drought. All I knew was blood.

While sorting through the atrocity of my life, if that's what you call being undead, I ran into a careless woman hiking through the woods.

Her scent was like key lime pie.

I killed her. I mean I fucking mutilated her body out of anger and resentment of my life. I tore my teeth into her for sport while she wailed and screamed in pain. I didn't care. I wanted her to feel what I was feeling.

Pain, all shattering and all consuming.

In her feeble attempts to beat me off her body she scratched me with her long fingernails. As a new vampire my skin was more tender and her frantic clawing in her futile attempt at escape caused the large gash across my check. Some of my blood fell on her face before the skin healed and she fucking liked the shit off of her. Immediately she started to contort and twist like an origami swan.

Recently, Carlisle explained to me that when the body is almost out of blood the smallest amount of our blood could trigger the reaction. I had never wanted to convert someone into the beast that I had become. It took me almost fifty years to grow numb to my life. I never wanted to have a companion, a killing companion, but here I was making this woman into my kind.

Her moans of pain became louder and more spastic. She didn't have enough blood to change her. I didn't want to give her more but she was half alive or dead, what the fuck ever you would call an almost converted vampire.

"Please! Help me!"

Her voice gurgled from where I had almost ripped her windpipe out.

I didn't want to help her.

I didn't want to have this woman by my side.

I wanted her dead.

I went to a tree to make a stake. When I returned to her she was curled in the fetal position moaning and gasping for breath.

Fuck.

It was one of the worst decisions I ever made. I leaned over her and sliced my wrist. I let her drink and she was born into my world of darkness.

The next few weeks were hell. She wanted me to be her mentor and to teach her.

I could not.

I didn't have any right teaching someone about my world. I was still young and didn't understand my world.

She became my stalker. She would not leave my side.

The wounds I gave her didn't heal and she was preeminently scared. Not only was she ugly but she was annoying.

She wanted to know where we came from, where other vampires were, when did we have meetings, how to kill the most stealthy... on and on her monotonous questions plagued my ears. One day, while sleeping in the leaves, I left her.

Since that day, she had been looking for me. I could hear her thoughts. I knew that she was close but I thought I had time to leave before she arrived.

I thought I'd have time to move on. Yes, I wanted to leave Alice. Yes, I knew that staying in Maine was not an option.

No, I didn't plan on finding Bella.

Now that I had her, Bella, I had to protect her from Gretchen's desire to slay me and anyone close to me.

Her resentment was stronger than my hate for this life. Fuck, resentment is not even close to the rage that was storming through her like a zombie searching for flesh.

When Jake came into the room, I felt a rush of relief. I didn't like the man because his thoughts were surrounding Bella, nonstop, but he was going to get her out of the fucking apartment before Gretchen could sink her fangs into her.

I watched as he carried her naked body out of the bedroom and pangs of jealousy surged. I wanted to follow them but I had to take care of Gretchen conclusively.

"Fucking shit, Gretchen! What the hell are you doing here?"

I totally forgot that I was naked.

"I see that your feeling frisky tonight, Edward."

She pointed at my swollen cock and started to laugh, "So, that pretty little human gave you a hard on? What's wrong big boy, you don't like disgusting scared up vampires that you gave birth too? What's wrong, Edward? Why are you surprised to see me? You know that I cant let you walk away from me. Not when we have so many matters to still discuss."

It was like the day I turned her... that damn pleading voice with the thick rasp continued spewing her demented words.

"For starters, why did you fucking leave me? You know that I needed you. You know that no other vampire is willing to be around me because of the way I look. Because of the way that you made me look. Own up to it, Edward. Own me as your own since you made me," she wailed and gnashed in her syrup voice. She was spastic like a rat stuck on a glue trap, running her hands through her stringy hair. The grim for years of sleeping in the dirt was pasted on her skin and her clothing were tattered like the flesh of the humans I feast upon.

I averted my eyes from her because I couldn't stand to see the hideous creature I made, "I didn't want to make you. You fucking know that, Gretchen. I have told you a thousand times that making you was a mistake. I couldn't let you die on the forest ground half human half vampire. I couldn't kill you either because my blood was running in your veins. You know about the pain that killing one with your blood causes a vampire. I had no choice."

"You had a fucking choice."

Shit, she sounded sick. She was always a little off but damn, she sounded like she was fifteen feet under water.

"No, I did not have a fucking choice. What's wrong with you besides the normal issues?"

Snarling at me, "Everything about you is selfish and self focused. Yet, you are all I want to be around. I have to be around you."

"Why, Gretchen? Why do you have to fucking be around me all the time?"

"You made me. I have you in my blood. You complete me."

I still could not stand looking at her but I had to get this shit over with so I could find Bella. She stopped walking towards me when she saw the sternness in my face.

"I complete you? No fucking way I don't. If anything I destroy you because I hate you."

Her voice pleaded, "You do not mean that. I know that you do not hate me."

Laughing in her fucked up face, "Yes, I really fucking do. Hear me, for the final time, I want nothing to do with you. Leave me the fuck alone."

"No..."

"Yes."

"I can't leave you alone."

Slapping my hands on my naked thighs, "Why the fuck not?"

"I'm sick, Edward. I need your help."

I knew the crazy bitch was sicker than normal, "How would you like me to help you?"

She started walking towards me in her choppy fashion and I slinked away from her.

"I have the sickness... the one that we all fear... I thought that maybe your blood, like a transfusion or some shit, could make me better."

Fuck. Nothing could help this bitch. I had to get out of here. Being around someone with the psychosis is like a human being locked in a room with someone that has a cold and won't stop coughing. Fuck.

Backing farther away from her, "Hey, Gretchen, um, I cannot help you. You know that. If there is anything that I taught you it's that when you have the psychosis you are not able to be cured."

Maybe all the rumors are true that vampires that live their life in utter solitude catch the psychosis. Gretchen has lived her entire vampire life alone because no one could stand looking at her. Fuck.

"One fucking drink, Edward. That's all I am asking for and then you can run back to your little human. Is she a pet?"

She was going to far brining Bella into this fucking mess, "Leave her out of this conversation." I took a deep breath to control the violent shaking I felt stemming from my feet, up my legs and through my torso. My hands wanted to mince her into meat like the pile of dead flesh she was.

"Oh no! Did I find something that the perfect Edward cares about? Hmm, all right then, let me try this from another angle. If you give me a drink of your blood I promise to not harm the delicate little human."

Could one bite from Gretchen be that bad? Would I catch her illness if she got any closer? Not enough is understood about the psychosis to know how it's transmitted. I did not want to continue living if Bella was not by my side. Was this my only option?

"Oh, stop thinking so loudly, you are hurting my brain!"

"Gretchen, what you are asking me to do is almost suicidal. If I let you drink from me and I catch your sickness then I will have to beg someone to stake me."

"If you do not let me then your precious pet will die."

"She's not a fucking pet!" I spat the words with more force than I should have. It confirmed to Gretchen my dire need for Bella.

"Now, Edward, who is being irrational? You are. All I am asking is for one drink to see if it will heal me. One small drink from the man that made me the wretched beast that I am. I think that you owe me that much, one small drink."

I knew that my blood could not help her but if it meant that she would permanently leave my life it was worth the risk. Bella would be safe and even if I caught the psychosis I could die and she would be alive.

"Fine," I relented. One fucking drink.

**BPOV:**

"Jake? How did you know, why did you come, how..."

"Shhh, here, put on my coat."

He dropped me from his arms in the family room and I quickly put on the coat. I blushed because he was watching me, naked. I felt like I was seventeen again when we first made love.

"I was not going to leave you here tonight until I knew that you were safe. When you both disappeared into your bedroom I felt my stomach drop. I was not sure if he was going to fuck you or fucking kill you."

"Jake!" Was he watching us?

"Bella, this is serious shit that you got yourself into with that vampire. Did you see that chick? Fuck, she's infected."

I slipped on my boots as Jake took my hand and pulled me out the front door. The cold air hitting my bare legs made me self conscious of my situation.

"What are we doing?"

"I'm taking you back to my place for the night. If that sick vampire does not kill Edward he'll read your mind and fucking know where you are."

"How did you know that he could read minds?"

Laughing, "He's not the only one that has some special powers."

"Jake?"

"Fuck, Bella, get in my damn truck and I'll tell you all about this little world you don't know shit about."

I nodded my head and hoisted myself into his truck. The warm air blowing around my frazzled face felt wonderful. I went from committing myself to eternal night to the cab of Jacob Black's truck. What the fuck?

"You really like a blood sucker?" He did not turn his head towards me but I watched as his knuckles turned white from gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"Yeah, I like him."

"Do you love him?"

"What is it any of your business if I do or not?"

"It's my business because I just saved your ass from dying. You owe me a tiny explanation. As much as I hated Mike I hate vampires more. Especially vampires that bring sick vampires into your life."

His trembling voice was full of venom.

"Jake, I do love Edward."

"I fucking knew it. How can you love someone that you just fucking met? I mean, it's bad enough that you just met him but you know the truth and still care about the freak. Which leads me to a very important questions... Where the fuck is Mike?"

Mike.

"I do not know."

He yelled at me, "Don't fucking lie."

I shouted back, "Don't fucking yell at me!"

In a controlled tone, "Bella, did they kill him?"

There was no point in keeping it a secret from Jake. Shit, he already knew.

"Yeah, they killed him."

"Good."

"What?"

"You heard me, good. He was an evil fucker and if anyone deserves a death by vampire it was that shit head."

"Let me get this clear... I can't love a vampire but it is okay for them to kill evil fucker's?"

"If my tribe had their way it would be the only humans they can kill but the interpretation of 'evil fucker' is too vague. It's open to anyone's interpretation."

"Jake..."

"Yeah, I get it, Bella. You love a vampire that murdered your ass of a boyfriend. I'm sure you'd love to know what the fuck I am."

I ignored his implication and asked, "Were you watching Edward and I tonight?"

"I told you I wanted to make sure that you were safe. I was in your parking lot watching through the windows. Don't worry, I wasn't stalking your ass or anything. I wanted to make sure he didn't get hungry."

"Jake..."

Cutting me off, "Look, Bella, I have some other things to tell you that are going to shake your already shaken world. Do you want to hear my story or not?"

"Yes." Of fucking course, I wanted to know what Jake was rambling about.

"When I left you all those years ago it was because there was an outbreak. It's the same sickness that vampire bitch has in your apartment. My dad is a tribal leader and we had to move to Canada to irradiate the sickness."

"How did you do that?"

"Just like the rats and fleas that caused the plaque, you have to kill the fuckers."

What? "You kill vampires?"

"Not by fucking choice. It's a task that my tribe takes seriously. For centuries we've been killing rogue vampires and trying to find a way to kill all the sick ones. In our legends, the sickness can transfer to humans. If that shit happens then we would have a whole world of trouble. Can you imagine a human having the sick twitch that that bitch had?"

"I don't understand."

"What?"

"You hunt vampires?"

"Jesus, Bella, that's all you fucking are thinking about? Yeah! I fucking kill vampires but the pay sucks."

Now was not the time for Jake's lame humor.

"Jake, I'm serious. You hunt vampires?"

"Yeah, you've heard of gaydar well I have vampdar. You know, I can sense those fuckers from miles away. I'm pissed that I didn't know that there were vamps living in Portland."

Was Jake planning to kill Edward?

"Do you kill all vampires or only the sick ones?"

"If I had it my way we'd kill them all but there's some kind of truce with our tribe and the Volturi. We only kill the infected."

"The Volturi?"

"Yeah, it's like the vampire version of the President or some shit like that."

"Oh."

"That's all you have to say?"

What did he want me to say?

"Yeah, you just dropped a ton of information on my head."

"What? You think this is more shocking than your boyfriend being a blood drinking, human killing, pussy ass leach?"

I did not respond. I couldn't process all of this at one time. Jake hunts vampires. His tribe knows about their existence. We left Edward with a sick vampire. Does that mean that he could get infected?"

"Jake, how does the sickness take effect on the vampire body?"

"You'd have to ask the fucking FBI that question."

"The FBI?"

"Oh, they know all about the vampires. They sure as shit know. I hear that they do experiments on the ones that we catch and don't kill."

"Does everyone know that vampires exist? For fucking all that is holy, I had no god damn clue."

"And you shouldn't. We work with the FBI every now and then but their task forces that know about vampires are top secret. You know, Bella, there are a lot of monsters in the world that you don't know about."

"Please, do not tell me anymore tonight. I cannot hear about anything else. For all I know your going to tell me that werewolves are real."

Chuckling, "They are but they are harmless."

"Whatever, Jake."

"Look, I'm taking you to my house. I'll get you some clothes from my sisters closet. We'll have a more in depth conversation about everything going on and you can get some sleep. You look like tired shit."

"Thanks, Jake," I said sarcastically.

"If that vampire that you claim to love makes it out alive and disease free, I'm sure he'll sweep you away from me tonight."

This time I was not being sarcastic, "Thanks, Jake."

"Save the 'thank yous'. You might hate me in a few hours if that fucker comes to my house all infected and shit."

Panic overtook me. Edward was in danger.

"We have to go back! You know that other vampire is sick! What if she hurts Edward!"

"That would be a very bad thing. Then I'd have two vampires I'd have to kill."

"You can't kill him!" I grabbed Jake's arm and started shaking it, "You can't!"

Pulling off the side of the road and turning towards me, "Bella, I wouldn't have a choice. The sick ones... I told you, it's believed that they can transmit their illness to humans given the chance. Do you want to be around a bunch of humans that kill each other? No, I don't think you fucking do!"

"But, Jake..."

"This conversation is over. We are going to my home and then we can talk some more."

The rest of the ride was in silence.

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